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A CONVERSATION WITH THE PORN RANGERS - PART 1


INTERVIEW BY JON BENJAMIN


A few months ago, I put my son to bed and headed to the den to look at some pornography on the internet. I put my headphones on and began to watch a hirsute man, probably early 40s, receive oral sex from a thin-lipped woman of commensurate age. The byline in block letters read, “BJ From the Wife.” She thrust her head back and forth rapidly, then shifted tempo to slow and smooth. On the slow parts, she usually brought her hand up and held the base of his dick as she slid her tongue up and down. Her tongue looked taut, not relaxed, which bothered me. After some time, I turned around and there stood my son. It felt like a bear encounter. I carefully shut the screen down until it snapped closed. I watched him watching me as the sounds of “BJ From the Wife” still played into my headphones, then abruptly stopped. I walked him back to bed.

I’m not certain he saw the screen, but I never asked. I continue to feel ambivalent about the moral issues that surround the pornography debate, more content to put it out of my head, and maybe that is a problem. Issues as sticky as this one might require more confrontation and less lassitude. I have always judged harshly those outspoken critics of porn but, on the other hand, having a cause can be a positive force, as long as it doesn’t transmogrify into zealotry. I started reading extensively on the pornography issue and came upon a very interesting pair of antiporn advocates who travel extensively speaking to young people (those most susceptible to porn) and who, in opposition to the traditional fire-and-brimstone methods of preaching against porn, employ a more modern approach to spark the debate. From what I had gathered, their appeal, albeit rooted in evangelical values, was more textured. I guess it could be called postevangelical.

I recently sat down with EJ and Nate, both ordained ministers, who go by the moniker of the Porn Rangers, to hear their side of the story.

Vice: So let’s get to exactly who you guys are so that everybody knows. The Porn Rangers is just the two of you.

EJ:
Absolutely.

Nate: Just us.

And you are…

EJ:
A two-man army.

And you’re ministers.

EJ
: We are. We’ve been preaching on the road for…

Nate: It’s been eight years now.

EJ: I remember it was just when George W. Bush was elected the first time when we hit the road, and we haven’t looked back. We haven’t stopped. We’re just spreading the word of the sin of pornography.

And so you speak to groups of kids all over the country about how pornography can affect…

Nate:
Yes, we go from community to community. College campuses are big for us.

EJ: Sometimes if we don’t have a group we’ll just talk to one kid. We don’t need a group, I mean of course the more the merrier, but too many and it gets a little hard to spread the message. Usually a group of four or five is perfect, but yeah if it’s just one that’s fine too.

Nate: Yeah.

So do you have a home base or do you…

EJ:
No, we’re on the road.

So you don’t have a church or a ministry that you preach out of.

Nate:
We have a virtual church.

EJ: We have a post-office box, and other than that we are around the country in what we call our VC, our virtual church, which is our van.

Nate: We’re on the move.

I saw the picture of your van. You do have a real van, which has your logo on it and the x’s for pornography, and then x’s over the x’s, which is complicated, ’cause you graphically x out each x.

EJ:
There are six x’s.

Nate: On the website you see the x’s, then you see the x’s—kshoom!—come in and cover them. It’s animated.

You cross out each x with an x?

Nate:
On the side of the van it doesn’t work as well.

EJ: The website works a lot better than the van.

Right, but that’s what you’re doing, you’re…

Nate:
X-ing out the x.

Explain to me your basic plan to—besides just talking to kids and putting on your show. How do you actively get kids to stop masturbating to porn?

Nate:
It’s a form of aversion therapy with a bunch of bells and whistles… That’s where the van comes in.

EJ: We drive in, we invite them into the van, and we show them pornography.

Nate:
We show them pornography till it makes them sick.

Wait, wait, you bring kids into your van and show them pornography?

Nate:
Or adults. Whoever needs help.

EJ: It’s mostly kids.

Nate: We bring in people who need help.

But you can’t show kids pornography, right? I mean, legally…

EJ:
But they can make pornography legally. We’re trying to get the kids off of pornography.

Technically it is a legal statute that pornography can’t be sold to minors.

Nate:
We don’t sell anything. We own this pornography we’re showing.

EJ: We do not want the children seeing pornography. We want them to watch the pornography and we want them to be so sickened by it that they’ll never do it again.

Nate: It’s like when I was a kid, I would sneak cigarettes from my mom and she caught me once, and she made me sit at the kitchen table and smoke a pack of cigarettes.

And then what happened?

Nate:
I got so sick… and then I started to really resent my mother.

But how can it be legal to show minors pornography? You guys are adults. You can’t show…

EJ:
We don’t show it to them. It’s already playing. It’s already playing on a TV monitor in the back of the van. We’re not showing it to them, it just happens to be playing in the van.

Nate: I think you’re getting hung up on legalities and—

How old are these kids?

Nate:
Late teens, 20s, 30s…

But if they’re under 18…

Nate:
Look, we don’t ask too many questions of these people we’re trying to help… We’re not like cops, we’re not like, “Show us your ID.” You know we’re just like, “If you want help, get in the van, and we will show you pornography until you never will want to look at pornography again.”


CONTINUED
A CONVERSATION WITH THE PORN RANGERS
 1 | 2 | >

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Comments

Anonymous, on Dec 21, 2008 wrote:
Isn’t distributing any footage--whether it be photo or video--of someone under the age of 18 performing sexual acts (including simply masturbating) considered the distribution of child pornography?
Bane, on Dec 21, 2008 wrote:
hahaha this is ridiculous
Anonymous, on Dec 21, 2008 wrote:
These two men are the biggest fuckwits ever. How can they be serious? Sure enough it’s a good cause but they’re using fully illegal, morally wrong shock therapy to make people stop taking part in the natural process of masturbation. Sure, some pornography is degrading and awful but they’re not even rallying against that! This is just as bad as child molestation by priests in the church. The sickest fucking thing I’ve read in a long time. 90% of pornography isn’t as twisted as this. Sort out your misconstrued values you idiots.
Anonymous, on Dec 21, 2008 wrote:
this cant be real
Anonymous, on Dec 20, 2008 wrote:
Baboon tearing apart another baboon! ROR. I can’t believe I fell for this. I am officially a fucktard.
Anonymous, on Dec 20, 2008 wrote:
LOL, sounds like fun to me it does.

jess
www.privacy.es.tc
Anonymous, on Dec 20, 2008 wrote:
It’s a joke. Look at the ’photo’. It’s photoshopped (look carefully at their feet, at the vibrantness of the printing on the van, the fact that the shorter guy would have to be about 5’ compared to the van...)
Anonymous, on Dec 20, 2008 wrote:
Holy Shit... that is the funniest thing I’ve seen all day.

Slovin and Allen fukkin’ rule.
And, Jon Benjamin is the man.

Very funny.
Anonymous, on Dec 20, 2008 wrote:
why did they take your shit off comedycentral.com?
Anonymous, on Dec 20, 2008 wrote:
impressive photoshop on the image
Anonymous, on Dec 20, 2008 wrote:
So this is fake? It’s surprising really, I could totally see evangelical bastards doing something like this for real.
Anonymous, on Dec 19, 2008 wrote:
i thought those guys looked familiar
Anonymous, on Dec 19, 2008 wrote:
ha ha this totally got me, i just started reading, didnt notice the fictional aspect
Anonymous, on Dec 19, 2008 wrote:
oh my, this is hilarious. At first, before I realized this was out of the fiction issue...I was totally fooled.
Anonymous, on Dec 19, 2008 wrote:
lol
Anonymous, on Dec 19, 2008 wrote:
worst fictional interview ever.
Anonymous, on Dec 19, 2008 wrote:
"Is this a joke? Are they really serious? Fucking religion fucking things up as usual. They should just make it a sin to be human already...."

that’s pretty much what original sin entails.
Anonymous, on Dec 19, 2008 wrote:
I did turn it into a horror-comedy. No one was interested.
Anonymous, on Dec 19, 2008 wrote:
Is this a joke? Are they really serious? Fucking religion fucking things up as usual. They should just make it a sin to be human already....
adamhump, on Dec 19, 2008 wrote:
funny
Anonymous, on Dec 19, 2008 wrote:
papa don’t preach, but he does like seeing little boys’ ding dongs.
Anonymous, on Dec 19, 2008 wrote:
someone turn this into a horror-comedy, i beg of you!
Anonymous, on Dec 19, 2008 wrote:
remember guy, this is the FICTION issue!!!
Anonymous, on Dec 19, 2008 wrote:
adidas guy has possibly the longest thumbs in existence.
Anonymous, on Dec 19, 2008 wrote:
nice, but it would’ve been creepier if the van didn’t have windows
Anonymous, on Dec 19, 2008 wrote:
yeah look at their shoes and the x’s.. most def photoshopped
ericzzz, on Dec 19, 2008 wrote:
is this some sort of joke? could these people possibly be serious about this?
Anonymous, on Dec 19, 2008 wrote:
Confusing and annoying.
Anonymous, on Dec 19, 2008 wrote:
I would like to join them. I would like to stop hot girls from having sex to pornography.
Anonymous, on Dec 19, 2008 wrote:
lightbulbs just exploded simultaneously over a thousand pedophiles’ heads
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