|
|
DOS & DON'TS
RELATED ARTICLES
ALSO BY CHRIS NIERATKO
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
 CHRIS NIERATKO - SECTION 2
A GUY WHO ALMOST ACCIDENTALLY CHOKED A GIRL WITH HIS PIERCED DICK by Chris Nieratko Vice: So what’s your story, Patrick? Patrick Melcher: Well, I happily live in LA with my girlfriend now but this scenario happened back in Chicago when I was 18 and young and dumb. Because I was punk rock I thought getting my penis pierced would be a cool thing to do. I got the gnarliest one you can get, it’s called an ampallang and it goes all the way through your whole entire cock, through your urethra and everything. When you get it you pee blood for a couple days. The pain is unspeakable. I wasn’t ready for that kind of pain… You know, this is actually a three-part story. OK, let’s hear part one. I was dating this girl and we were doing it and you know how once in a while you’ll miss and bend your cock in half and it hurts for a second and then you go back to it? I did that and then I went to change positions a minute or two later and I looked and there was blood all over the white sheets. I thought I was bleeding. I ran to the bathroom to shower the blood off me and I was looking and looking and I realized I wasn’t bleeding. It had to be her. So we started looking and yeah, sure enough I sliced her open, right inside her labia. It was about a three-inch gash. I felt so bad. That’s part one. I hope part two ramps it up. It does. Part two happened when I was living with my brother and he was dating some chick and he did something really, really evil to piss me off so one day when the girl he was dating was over, I was like, “Well, he’s an asshole…” and I let her go down on me. She had a really small mouth and—just so you understand what the ampallang piercing is, it goes horizontally through the head of your dick. So she’s going down on me and then she stops and looks up at me with these eyes and then I feel her tugging away at me. Then I realized this piercing was caught in the canal of her throat and it was stuck. I started shaking and panicking and she was tugging and then she opened her mouth as wide as she could and stuck her pinky finger in there and wiggled it. My dick popped loose and all this drool came pouring out and that pretty much ruined the mood. I felt like it was retribution for trying to screw my brother’s girlfriend. And that’s part two. Good one. Now make part three even worse. OK. Part three was a few weeks later with this other girl going down on me and the same fucking thing happened. I felt the tug and I was like, “Oh no. Not again.” I told her to put her finger in there and pop it loose. I kind of laughed because I’d already been through this once. I said, “It’s stuck, isn’t it?” and she was looking at me with these huge watery eyes. She was trying to wiggle it off but it was not working and the more she tried the more it was yanking and pulling on my dick. Fifteen seconds went by and she started getting shaky and weird. We were stuck together, lying on the bed. I couldn’t even move to get up to reach for anything, but I don’t know what I would have grabbed anyway. A pencil to stick in there to pop it loose, maybe? So she started to really panic and I could tell it was poking and ripping at her throat. Every move she made was pulling harder at the head of my cock. She was dripping with sweat and crying and snot was pouring out of her nose. It must have been 45 seconds of this and then she couldn’t breathe and there was so much snot coming out her nose and she was really scared and every time she moved it hit her gag reflex. And then I was thinking, “Fuck. She’s gonna vomit and it’s not gonna come out and it’s gonna go back in her windpipe and she’s gonna drown on her own vomit while sucking my cock.” It was getting scarier and scarier. I was screaming, “You gotta do something! Just rip it out!” I was about to just pull it out and tear the head of my dick off because if she died, which is totally what I was thinking, I was going to have this dead girl attached to my cock. What was the fire department going to do? Cut her head off? Break her jaw? All this weird shit was going through my head. I couldn’t even make it to the phone to call 911. It felt like five full minutes had passed, but it must have only been 30 seconds. Finally I went limp and she was able to pull her body around so we were in a 69 position and then something popped loose. She picked her head up and all this blood poured out of her mouth. It had been ripping her throat apart. Half the blood was mine because it tore my cock all up. She was so unbelievably close to dying. I was like, “Fuck. Give me some pliers. I’m taking this piercing out right now. I’m done with it. It was a stupid idea in the first place.” She said, “No, don’t take it out. Just warn people from now on.” That’s a great story, Patrick. Thanks. It finally got to the point where I was dating two girls simultaneously and never removing it or cleaning it and crust was going in between the three of us and it was a bad scene. One night I woke up in the middle of the night and it hurt so bad that it felt like someone was sawing my dick off. My whole dickhead was red and swollen. When it went away I said, “Fuck this.” I finally took it out but that was a whole year after that first blood incident. I wouldn’t suggest to anyone that they get that piercing. Any genital piercing, for that matter, is stupid. It’s really not worth it. I feel bad for your penis. No shit. Now I have scars on my cock. CONTINUED CHRIS NIERATKO - SECTION TWO | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | >
| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
- VICE@VICELAND.COM
- PRIVACY STATEMENT
- TERMS OF USE
- © 2000-2009, VICE MAGAZINE
Development: Solid Sender
