NEWSLETTER

Cover photo by Dana Goldstein

A VERY, VERY IMPORTANT Q&A WITH AMERICAN IDOL JUDGE KARA DIOGUARDI... The state of the journalistic interview today has been reduced to these weird cattle-call things where they stick 50 writers from 50 competing publications on a conference call with some shitty noncelebrity such as, say, a nobody who is going to be a new judge...READ MORE

CHARLIE KAUFMAN Here’s an interview with the guy who wrote all those movies that you like. Vice: How have the screenings of Synecdoche, New York been going? Do you generally like to sit through those things? Charlie Kaufman: No, I don’t sit thro...READ MORE

VICE MAIL Letters - The Talking Issue After canceling August's letters page due to a lack of decent submissions, the epistles started rolling in. We thank you, readers. And though the majority of them were terrible, a standout few were thoughtful and interesting. Most importantly, though, every si...READ MORE

EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH - A GUY WHO WORKS AT OUR PRINTING PRESS We’ve always wondered about the guys that print Vice. Up until now, all we really knew was that they’re in a great big room somewhere in the frozen wasteland of Canada and that every 30 days or so, they ship us lots and lots of magazines. We foun...READ MORE

SHEPPARD'S VIDEO-GAME PIE By Stephen Lea Sheppard WILL WRIGHT, INVENTOR OF SIMCITY, THE SIMS, AND NOW SPORE Not only is Will Wright one of the most prominent game designers out there, but he's also been prominent for a length of time seldom found in the game industry...READ MORE

VICE COMICS By Johnny Ryan SPOOKY HALLOWEEN LAFFS...READ MORE

MY COKE DEALER We've all got dealers we like to call "our guys," but aside from their numbers, general delivery hours, and where they usually are at 1:30 AM Saturday morning, how much do we really know about them? I was introduced to my current guy through a mutual friend. I...READ MORE

A COKE DEALER IN MEXICO, WHO IS WAY BADDER THAN THE ONE IN NEW YORK... Julián is a coke dealer. He's 44. He’s been working Mexico City for two decades. He agreed to take us on a ride-along as he worked. The phone never stopped ringing, not for a minute...READ MORE

A YOUNG MAN WHO WAS A MEMBER OF A PARAMILITARY GANG... The Brits may have left Northern Ireland and the IRA may be all but completely decommissioned, but Loyalist (the guys who loved the Queen and hated the IRA) areas of Belfast are still firmly in the grip of paramilitary thugs. Surprised? You shouldn't be. Did a...READ MORE

AN EXPERT ON TURKMENISTAN AND ITS LATE PRESIDENT FOR LIFE... Vice: So, you're something of an expert on dictators, huh? Nicolas Righetti: Well, I guess you could say that. But it's a bit pretentious. Well then let's just say that you're a smart photojournalist who just came back from Turkmenistan an...READ MORE

A GUY WHO MAKES ALL OF US LOOK LIKE BABIES IN COMPARISON I first met Kavuye two years ago when I was training with the Advance Force Rangers of eastern Congo. I'd met one of them on another trip, and he had shown me a small graveyard, explaining that one...READ MORE

THE (EX) BIGGEST HEROIN DEALER IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD By the time Suleyman Ergun was 21 years old, he was the world’s most prolific and powerful seller of smack. Known throughout the junkie and police communities as the North London Turk, Ergun and his gang flooded Britain and Europe with heroin for five years...READ MORE

THE DETECTIVE WHO BUSTED TWO OLD LADIES... This year, in Los Angeles, two senior citizens, Helen Golay, 77, and Olga Rutterschmidt, 75, were convicted of murder. They were both sentenced to consecutive life terms. On two separate occasions, they had taken homeless men—Paul Vados and Kenneth McDavid—und...READ MORE

AN OLD JAPANESE DOCTOR WHO SURVIVED HIROSHIMA Japan is still (as of press time on this issue) the only country in the world that has been a victim of the atomic bomb. Since the demons dropped onto the cities of Hiroshima and Nagasaki 63 years ago this past August, the country has continued to quietly suff...READ MORE

A GUY WHO PUKED ON HOLLYWOOD STARS Vice: Why did you do this? Jamie Taete: I was in LA and I just figured why not. It’s all people I have a fairly large problem with. Is it real puke?...READ MORE

TWO MEXICAN WINDSHIELD WASHERS While squeegee guys were outlawed in New York over a decade ago, in Mexico you still can't stop at a red light without multiple zombies shambling over to you from the sidewalk, clutching filthy rags in their hands. Their goal is to smear said rags across your ...READ MORE

THE EPICLY LATER'D PAGE Words & Photos by Patrick O'Dell Vice: What did you think of the episode I did about you? Heath Kirchart: I liked the first one. I don't really remember the next two. They kind of got into stuff that I don't think too many people cared about...READ MORE

VICE COMICS By Ted May PRESIDENT HAMER...READ MORE

A 74-YEAR-OLD JAPANESE PORN STAR How long into his life can a man keep fucking? Here in Japan, there is one brave grandpa who is using his own body to answer that question. His name is Shigeo Tokuda and he is a 74-year-old porn performer. He often stars in movies staged in old-age homes—like,...READ MORE

A LADY WHO IS A UROLOGIST So there's this very cute Italian girl who happens to be a professional urologist, which means that she handles cocks all day, every day. From seven in the morning to seven in the evening, she checks out cocks. Let's talk to her. About cocks...READ MORE

A SPERM DONOR WHO HAS 46 KIDS My friend's lesbian sister became pregnant a while ago. She found her sperm donor through one of several Dutch websites where women who want kids and guys who will donate sperm contact each other. I visited those websites and found a weird community where sing...READ MORE

A GUY WHO WAS A TEST-TUBE BABY Around 30 years ago, some guy jerked off into a cup and the sperm was frozen until a team of doctors dethawed it and injected it into some lady's egg that was in a petri dish or something. When the egg started to split into cells, they shoved it back into the ...READ MORE

PEOPLE WHO JUST HAD SEX WITH EACH OTHER... AHAVA & DH Vice: So you guys just did it... DH: First we drank some wine, trying to get ourselves ready, and then I started making out with her. That's how it got started...READ MORE

NAYLAND BLAKE This guy right here is an artist and a professor and a bear and a pipe man and an S&M switch and—what in hell does all that mean? We don't know. Let's talk to him and find out. Vice: You were telling me that you're about to go away for a very special w...READ MORE

SKINEMA By Chris Nieratko CUM ON MY TATTOOS 4 Vice: Hi, boss lady. Joanna Angel: I thought we were going to be able to do this legally...READ MORE

CHRIS NIERATKO - SECTION 1 A GIRL WHO GOT HER FACE FUCKED UP REALLY BADLY BY A DOG Vice: You used to be a model? Sarah Bedell: I've done modeling. There's an agency in Hawaii that I worked for and I've done some small commercials. I did stunts on Baywatch. I had ...READ MORE

CHRIS NIERATKO - SECTION 2 A GUY WHO ALMOST ACCIDENTALLY CHOKED A GIRL WITH HIS PIERCED DICK Vice: So what's your story, Patrick? Patrick Melcher: Well, I happily live in LA with my girlfriend now but...READ MORE

CHRIS NIERATKO - SECTION 3 JERRY HSU (AGAIN) Vice: Jerry, I'm eating a salad. Is it OK if I eat while we talk? Jerry Hsu: Of course. If it makes this easier for you and makes it go by quicker for me then go ahead and eat...READ MORE

VICE COMICS By Sam Henderson JOKES AND SONGS WE TOLD AS KIDS...READ MORE

A CHAOS MAGICIAN In the mid-70s two guys named Peter J. Carroll and Ray Sherwin claimed the ability to alter the subatomic interactions of the quantum universe through gnosis and divination. Building on a foundation of advanced physics, shamanism, and esoteric theology, they d...READ MORE

A COUPLE OF HIPPIES WHO THINK THEY CAN GET PLANTS TO PLAY MUSIC Founded in 1975, Damanhur—an ancient Egyptian name that means “City of Light”— is a self-sufficient and eco-friendly commune located amid the rolling hills and the exclusive rehab clinics in...READ MORE

JOSS WHEDON Fuck it. It's time to come out of the closet. We were/are total nerds for Joss Whedon and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. And now, in light of that bullshit new vampire series by Alan "Smells Like a" Ball on HBO (fuck you, sir, and fuck Six Feet Under ...READ MORE

NIFELHEIM Until recently, twin brothers Hellbutcher and Tyrant of Nifelheim have been famous mainly for their extreme taste in studs, their Iron Maiden obsession, and living in a castle. But then they released their latest album, Envoy of Lucifer, and now, whethe...READ MORE

A PUPPET MASTER Here's what you do: You eat yourself some mushrooms and then you go on down to the Bob Baker Marionette Theater in downtown LA and have yourself a magical little experience. Or fine, skip the mushrooms part-you probably don't even need them because the puppet ...READ MORE

CHRIS CUNNINGHAM Chris Cunningham is a dark, reclusive genius who lives in an underground cave beneath the Thames. He spends his days rocking back and forth in a creaky old chair while projecting binary code onto the wall and reading the Russian translation of Dante's Infer...READ MORE

A PSYCHIC SPY Russell Targ is a preternatural brainiac who developed a government-funded psychic espionage program in the 70s. Using a process called remote viewing, he taught hundreds of ESP-inclined individuals to transcend time and space using only their minds so we coul...READ MORE

BOBBY STEELE Bobby Steele has been dicked over so royally throughout his life, he might as well change his name to Dick Royale. First, God pulled a fast one by giving him spina bifida followed by polio. Somehow he got over both and went on to become the guitarist for the M...READ MORE

VICE PICTURES - A WICCAN Here's an interview with a godless pagan in which we discuss Satan's birthday, resurrecting the dead, and drinking the blood of babies. Just kidding. Here's an interview with a very nice Wiccan lady about Samhain (the peaceful harvest holiday, not the ban...READ MORE

RECORDS Music Reviews - The Talking Issue IN THE FORM OF INTERVIEWS WITH EVERY BAND IN THE SECTION KOUSHIK Out My Window Vice: How do you get that dewy glaze on your tracks?...READ MORE

VICE COMICS By Ines Estrada ...READ MORE

A WOMAN WHO MADE A DOCUMENTARY ABOUT VAGINOPLASTY Heather Leach is a filmmaker from Rochdale, in the north of England, which is most famous for being the birthplace of 80s "soul" singer Lisa Stansfield. Recently, Heather plunged herself headfirst into the murky world of vaginoplasty, or "voluntarily having a ...READ MORE

A SCHIZOPHRENIC My friend Phiiliip (yeah, spelled like that) is schizophrenic. He didn’t used to be, but he is now. It can happen to you too. So, fine, Phiiliip is a diagnosed schizo-phrenic. He’s also a really talented musician and writer. He just happens to hear voices...READ MORE

A SEMI-TRANSIENT EXPERT ON HOBOS Filmmaker and photographer Bill Daniel documents the graffiti that hobos write on freight trains. Do you do anything anywhere near as old-timey as that? For 16 years, ol' Bill has sniffed the decaying trail of the character Bozo Texino, a simple line drawing o...READ MORE

FOUR MEN WHO WORK IN ANTARCTICA Andrew G. Fountain, professor of geology and geography, Portland State University Vice: How did you end up working in a frozen wasteland for weeks at a time? Andrew: During junior high school this guy from the State University of New York in A...READ MORE

MIKE LEIGH I've been watching Mike Leigh's movies for almost 20 years and every time I see a new one I have a fantasy conversation with him afterward, which generally consists of me trying to worm crucial personal info out of him. Because his characters can be so hyperre...READ MORE

TERRY JONES You probably think of Monty Python as a symbol of the sad, forced eccentricity your uptight gay British dad used to display when he was in a cheery mood or when he was drunk on schnapps. In fact, maybe the very words "Monty Python" act as a Pavlovian trigger f...READ MORE

IAN HISLOP For those of you without taste or eyes, Private Eye is a fortnightly satirical newsprint magazine that contains more actual news than all the other British newspapers they made during the two weeks it takes to put their issue together. In fact, it is on...READ MORE

AN EX-BULLFIGHTER A bull named Terciopelo [Velvet] gored the Colombian bullfighter Álvaro Múnera, aka "El Pilarico," in 1984, confining him to a wheelchair for life. Múnera was 18 years old back then. His best friend, "El Yiyo," was gored to death months later, and the manager ...READ MORE

VICE FASHION - IN THE CARDS Tarot Readings for a Few Girls We Know Photos by Chris Shonting Styling by Annette Lamothe-Ramos...READ MORE

VICE FASHION - PEN PALS Photos by Eydie McConnell and Lewis Chaplin Eydie McConnell and Lewis Chaplin are two 16-year-olds who happened across each other’s photos on Flickr. As soon as one had clamped eyes on the other’s work, they...READ MORE

VICE COMICS By Chris McD ...READ MORE

MY BIG SISTER, WHO SANG FOR A HARDCORE BAND... New Jersey-based hardcore band Fast Times was around during the mid-90s and my sister Alison was the singer. When I was in elementary school, she would lie to Mom and we'd venture out to see Fanshen, Life's Halt, Rorschach...READ MORE

CHARLES MAGGIO FROM RORSCHACH We thought it might be interesting to talk to Charles Maggio, head yeller of seminal hardcore punks Rorschach, since, you know, their brutal melding of hardcore and metal pretty much altered the trajectory of punk music in America and all that jazz. It turns o...READ MORE

ERIC WOOD FROM MAN IS THE BASTARD It's hard to imagine how a band making songs played at either hyper or glacial speeds (never midtempo) with two basses and song titles like "Screwdriver in the Urethra of Thomas Lenz," all played through speakers made out of salvaged junk, ever failed to be an...READ MORE

A GAY, ORTHODOX JEWISH R&B SINGER I've known Ari Gold since we were ten. We went to an Orthodox Jewish Yeshiva together. He was my first big crush because he sang jingles for TV commercials and we both loved Madonna, which, in the Orthodox community, automatically made us freaks. And which, as...READ MORE

CARLY PTAK Circuit-bender, photographer, spiritual mentalist, professional hypnotherapist, experimental vocalist, and all-around seeker Carly Ptak would probably never attribute these descriptions to herself. She used to live in Ann Arbor, where she met Twig Harper, now ...READ MORE

A SWEDISH JAZZ-IMPROV SINGER... Our new favorite singer is Lindha Kallerdahl, a Swedish chanteuse who combines pretty, quiet singing with these improvisational vocal stylings that, honestly, we're having a hard time describing. It's like a little bit of every kind of sound that a person can ...READ MORE

ROBERT POLLARD The great thing about Robert Pollard is that while he seems pretty pragmatic and passionate about his songwriting and Guided by Voices legacy, he's also kind of fuck-off about it. He's a 50-year-old grandpa who calls his new band Boston Spaceships, after all. ...READ MORE

LYNDA BARRY If you were ever a weird kid or a sad kid, you have to read Lynda Barry's comics and novels immediately because they will freak you out with how much you'll relate. It's embarrassing how many of her comics have made us get all emotional, even the funny ones. T...READ MORE

MICHAEL ROTHER Michael Rother was a founding member of the bands NEU! and Harmonia, and played in an early incarnation of Kraftwerk. Since the break up of these projects in the late 70s he has released a steady flow of solo albums. He’s currently touring with Harmonia, who h...READ MORE

R. STEVIE MOORE Deep in the belly of a castle in suburban New Jersey, R. Stevie Moore has been recording and publishing more records than just about anybody you can think of, all by his lonesome. Since 1976 "The Godfather of Home Recording" has produced and self-distributed o...READ MORE

THE LADIES OF DUKE Emily Hunt and Raquel Welsh are the two responsible for the Sydney based, celebrity-trash-culture and op-shop fashion obsessed Duke magazine. They are an oddly maternal, eerily co-dependent pair and their homely abode above a shop-front on Parramatta Ro...READ MORE

THREE OLDER KIDS WE THOUGHT WERE COOL IN HIGH SCHOOL 1. "Indie Rock" Jim, New Brunswick, NJ, interview by Ryan Duffy Vice: So we probably met in 1998 or so, right? What were you doing? Indie Rock Jim: I was going through the motions of county college, working a shitty job, and trying to figure ...READ MORE

VICE COMICS By Zach Hazard ...READ MORE

MY DAD THE AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLER My father has been an Air Traffic Controller at the Philadelphia International Airport since 1985 when I was four years old. This may explain all of the beatings I received from him while I was growing up, given that it's the second most stressful job in the w...READ MORE

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