Some lady from American Idol , a New York coke dealer, a Mexican coke dealer, an ex-heroin kingpin, two Mexican bums, a guy who loves hobos so much that he should marry them, a puppet master, a schizophrenic, a chaos magician, a psychic spy, a lady who made a movie about labia, a lady who is a urologist, the world’s most prolific sperm donor, a grown-up test tube baby, a girl who sang for a hardcore band in New Jersey in the 90s, the guy from Man Is the Bastard, the guy from Rorschach, a black metal band that hates their fans, a Swedish lady who sings like she is possessed by demons, a gay Orthodox Jewish R&B singer, the guy from Guided by Voices, a pair of penpals, Italian hippies who talk to plants, people who work in Antarctica, the guy who made up Buffy the Vampire Slayer, one of the guys from Monty Python, a kid who was temporarily a terrorist thug in Belfast, a park ranger in the Congo who survived being shot in the head at pointblank range, a guy who knows about Turkmenistan, a guy who was once a bullfighter but then became an animal rights activist after a bull fucked him up so bad that he was paralyzed for life, an American guy who wrote a bunch of our favorite movies, a British guy who wrote and directed a bunch of our other favorite movies, a guy who makes really weird and scary music videos, a woman who draws amazingly poignant comics and teaches a writing workshop we’d like to go to someday, the editor of Private Eye, a gay artist who’s into a bunch of sexual subcultures we didn’t know existed, the LAPD detective who broke the case with those old ladies who ran over homeless men for insurance money, four couples who just fucked, a really old Japanese man who acts in porn, Jamie Taete, a woman who believes in Wicca, a Tarot reader, the Japanese A-bomb survivor who wrote the book on radiation poisoning, two guys who wrote us letters, a girl who got attacked by a dog, Joanna Angel, a pornstar who electrifies her vagina, a guy who saw another guy get shocked to death, the guy who made The Sims and now Spore, Jerry Hsu, Neckface, Heath Kirchart, Jerry Hsu again, Steve Martin, one of the guys who prints our magazine, three older kids who seemed cool in high school, R. Stevie Moore, Michael Rother, a guy who fucked up a girl’s vagina and another girl’s mouth with his dick piercing, the guy who makes Chris Nieratko’s burritos, a woman missing a finger, a guy missing a toe, the second guitaist for the Misfits, The girls who make Duke magazine, Carly Ptak, and a whole bunch of people whose bands just put out a new album.