Cover painting by Dan Colen
 PLEASE SNORT MEAn Oral History of Brooklyn's Most Notorious BarWhy hello there, sonny. You too, little miss. So you're the young whippersnappers that're living in good old Williamsburg, Brooklyn, now, huh? Well let me tell you kids, I may not look like much more than an old fogey now, but I was here in the WB back when th...READ MORE | |
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  MY OTHER SOAPBOX IS YOUR ASSRacing Nerds in Rhode IslandDo you like Polack jokes? I've always been a big fan of them. An Italian, a rabbi, and a smiling Polack walk into a bar. The Polack is holding dog-shit in his hand and says to the bartender, "Look what I almost stepped in!" Classic, right? Growing up I used to...READ MORE | |
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 WESTERN HUMILIATION 2007A Clockcleaner Tour DiaryJohn Sharkey is the singer and guitarist for Clockcleaner, the band that singlehandedly caused us to rethink music from Philadelphia, new bands on Load Records, and the whole AmRep approach to turning every performance into a single churning mass of sweat and ...READ MORE | |
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 VICE MAILLetters - The What We Do Is A Secret IssueLove It or Lump It, Conscientious Objection, Beat Brat, the Nail in the Coffin, ICP Nitpcik, And The Wichita Lineman Is Still on the Line, Corrections, Job Application Special!, I'm a Nick With the Tiny Dick, I Live on an Island of Me (It's Weird), I Have Lots...READ MORE | |
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 HOW TO COUNT CUTE!Chinese girls do this thing called "cute counting." Actually it's called "da tou tie de ke ai zhi shi" , which can roughly be translated as "cute faces for big-head photo stickers."
It's a game in which girls try to outcute each other by counting wi...READ MORE | |
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 SUCK ON THISDan Colen Chews Our Ears Off About His Gum Paintings (Get it?)The inspiration for my series of gum paintings first came to me when I was working on my papier-mâché boulders. It originated from me imagining "secret" places-in the woods, by the train tracks, in sewer ditches-where teenagers would congregate to get drunk, s...READ MORE | |
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 NJ T-SHIRTS & YOU: PERFECT TOGETHERBy Chris NieratkoGrowing up it always seemed like my home state of New Jersey got a bad rap. Everywhere I traveled people appeared to think that it was just one big cesspool full of loudmouthed Italians. It pissed me off but it also gave me a heightened sense of Jersey pride...READ MORE | |
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 EL NUEVO ALARMA! IS MEXICO’S BEST CRIME TABLOID...The Vice InterviewAlarma! is the oldest of Mexico's prensa roja (red press) tabloids. It is mostly made up of gruesome news stories, photos of mutilated corpses, and headlines that contain 1960s-Borscht-Belt-comedian-worthy puns about death and pain. We recent...READ MORE | |
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 RECORDSMusic Reviews - The What We Do Is Secret IssueJAY-Z
American Gangster
Everybody’s walking around saying this album is great. They’re wrong. It’s better than Jigga’s last piece of crap, but it’s hardly reminiscent of Reasonable Doubt and The Blueprint, as Hov claimed it should be. And that...READ MORE | |
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 VICE FASHION - POSTCARDS FROM THE BIG CALF ISLANDThe best Finnish saunas are on private islands like this one, Iso Vasikkasaari (roughly "Big Calf Island"). You have to take a car and boat to get there, but it's worth it. The name of the sauna we visited is Gula Villan ("The Yellow Cabin"). It's from the tur...READ MORE | |
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 SKULLS AND BONES IN SIERRA LEONERolling Dice to Talk to the DeadI'm bending over an open grave in Sierra Leone and trying not to fall in. A boy stands next to me. He's a member of a crew of kids who call themselves Skull and Bones. He points inside and says, "Look, do you see the head?" I can't, so he pulls the cracked gra...READ MORE | |
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 COUNTERFEIT FUNAfter the media frenzy last summer about Beijing Shijingshan Amusement Park's blatant and badly done Disney World rip-offs, the majority of the attractions were summarily demolished. Besides the wannabe Epcot Center and Cinderella's Castle, everything resembli...READ MORE | |
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 THE PEOPLE'S LISTS10 Really Unusual Medical ConditionsART ATTACK
Fine art can really make you sick. Or so says Dr. Graziella Magherini, author of The Stendhal Syndrome. She has studied more than a hundred tourists in Florence, Italy, who became ill in the presence of great works. The symptoms incl...READ MORE | |
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 BEES AND TREESA Conversation Between Baby Dee and Matt SweeneyBaby Dee is a singer-songwriter-harpist-pianist with a voice like an angel who fell from heaven. She has played with Current 93 for a while now, and she just put out a solo record of strong and sad and pretty songs on the Drag City label.
Matt Sween...READ MORE | |
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 GULLY-SIDAL TENDENCIESMavado's a Gangster For Life (Ad Nauseum)Mavado is the best thing to have happened to dancehall in years. He has the premier new catchphrases ("Anywaaaaayeeeeeee" and "Gangster for liiiife"), if you look into his eyes you'd swear it was the devil looking back at you, and his debut album is a dark, in...READ MORE | |
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 DO IT!Since bassline isn’t coming to London anytime soon, when a film Easychord shot got accepted into the Sheffield Film Festival late last year, we decided to head up to South Yorkshire the weekend of the festival to check out a bassline rave first hand. Stepping ...READ MORE | |
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 YET MORE FUCKING HIPPIESYeasayer Douse Us in Patchouli OilEver had a hangover that you could describe as "beautiful"? They're not common. They're not your regular earth shattering- shit- your- bowels- out-of-a- ringpiece-that- feels-like-its-been- soaked-in- stinging-nettles- for-a-week-every- five-minutes- accompani...READ MORE | |
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 FEEL THE DARKNESSLiving And Breathing in Dirt in OdessaDavid Gillanders grew up in Glasgow and like most Glaswegians he soon found himself immersed in the sport known as "fighting". Because he was smart, David decided to do his fighting in the relative safety of a boxing gym, rather than down the back alley behind...READ MORE | |
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 ENDLESS HARMONIACALSTalibam! Sounds Like "Being Torn to Pieces by Helicopter Blades"Jazz can be scary. Unless you are some child prodigy in a Richard Powers novel, it's unlikely you will experience that much jazz in your quotidian existence. In general you evolve through the elementary pre-pubescent guitar music phase, through the ensuing wee...READ MORE | |
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 VICE FICTION - MY APPETITEby Joe DunthorneI began stealing when I was twenty-two. The first thing I stole was a chocolate muffin. I started eating it on my way round the supermarket and finished it before I got to the till. From then on, whenever I did my weekly food shop, I'd steal something: a luxur...READ MORE | |
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 LARPs OF THE NEAR FUTURESINergy Take Nightclubbing to the Next LevelEverybody knows that Live Action Role Playing is the funnest way to turn your pointless existence into a thrill ride of unbounded possibilities and constant adventure, right?
But imagine if you took LARP out of the forests and Quasar centres and tra...READ MORE | |
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 SKINEMABy Chris NieratkoCURIOUS
One thing I've been rather curious about lately is how much exactly is it to buy a kid from some third world country. I've heard anywhere from $40,000 to $80,000. And if those numbers are correct, how do I go about brokering a deal for one ...READ MORE | |
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 ELECTRIC INDEPENDENCEAt the end of October last year, Bogdan Raczynski fell from a hotel window in Graz, Austria, and ended up in hospital with two broken heels. Heels-ouch. In Graz to perform at the four-day Elevate festival, the mild-mannered rave heavyweight-who slipped ...READ MORE | |
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 NEWSFLASH: ELECTRO STILL SUCKSBut We Make Exceptions for D.I.M. and BrodinskiAlthough few history books will be using this as a reference, and many casual observers may not be aware of this, as far as some dance fans are concerned we have entered the post-Justice era. Since electroclash disbanded, like a rent boy rumbled by a policeman...READ MORE | |
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 AMPLIFIED SAMPLESThe Art of Stealing by Girl TalkSamples. There are plenty of rotters out there dressing their shitty songs up in them, applying them as liberally as possible without realising everyone can see straight through their horribly stuck-together musical golems to their tiny, inverted, shrivel-dick...READ MORE | |
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 LITERARYBook Reviews - The What We Do Is Secret IssueBorn In The Bronx: A Visual Record of the Early Days of Hip Hop, 1-800-Mice Issue 1, Buck Shots, Substantials No.3, Enter Exit...READ MORE | |
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