HOME ARTICLES DOs & DON'Ts NEWS MUSIC FASHION REVIEWS ARCHIVES JOBS ACCOUNT





After a tough day hanging around in bars, drinking beer, farting, and scratching their balls, Lopez and Alberto went home to cuddle up and play PSP games designed for 12-year-old Japanese girls where you make midget nurses chase dogs down Technicolor tunnels collecting magic palm trees. Comments/Enlarge | See all



In England people wearing the wrong soccer colors get bottles smashed in their face. In New York we secretly make fun of them on the internet.
Comments/Enlarge | See all









Is it weird if I kind of want all four of these chubsters to writhe around on the floor in baby oil wearing only their hospital shoes while I jerk off onto them? Tell me honestly.Comments/Enlarge | See all




Cover painting by Dan Colen


1246

PLEASE SNORT ME

An Oral History of Brooklyn's Most Notorious Bar

Why hello there, sonny. You too, little miss. So you're the young whippersnappers that're living in good old Williamsburg, Brooklyn, now, huh? Well let me tell you kids, I may not look like much more than an old fogey now, but I was here in the WB back when the likes of you were sucking on your mamm...
1249

MY OTHER SOAPBOX IS YOUR ASS

Racing Nerds in Rhode Island

Do you like Polack jokes? I've always been a big fan of them. An Italian, a rabbi, and a smiling Polack walk into a bar. The Polack is holding dog-shit in his hand and says to the bartender, "Look what I almost stepped in!" Classic, right? Growing up I used to l-o-v-e to tell Polack jokes to all the...
1251

WESTERN HUMILIATION 2007

A Clockcleaner Tour Diary

John Sharkey is the singer and guitarist for Clockcleaner, the band that singlehandedly caused us to rethink music from Philadelphia, new bands on Load Records, and the whole AmRep approach to turning every performance into a single churning mass of sweat and fighting. This is the diary he kept for ...
1253

SHEPPARD'S VIDEO-GAME PIE

Manhunt, Kane & Lynch, Table Tennis, Tomb Raider

MANHUNT 2
As of the time of this writing, there are no Manhunt 2 guides on GameFAQs. How long does it usually take for someone to put up a rudimentary walkthrough of a video game at GameFAQs? Three hours after the game is released? Four? Christ, generally there's two separate ...
1254

VICE MAIL

Love It or Lump It, Conscientious Objection, Beat Brat, the Nail in the Coffin, ICP Nitpcik, And The Wichita Lineman Is Still on the Line, Corrections, Job Application Special!, I'm a Nick With the Tiny Dick, I Live on an Island of Me (It's Weird), I Have Lots of Terrible Ideas, I Don't Think Things...
1255

HOW TO COUNT CUTE!

Chinese girls do this thing called "cute counting." Actually it's called "da tou tie de ke ai zhi shi" , which can roughly be translated as "cute faces for big-head photo stickers."

It's a game in which girls try to outcute each other by counting with their hands. They do it when they're ...
1256

SUCK ON THIS

Dan Colen Chews Our Ears Off About His Gum Paintings (Get it?)

The inspiration for my series of gum paintings first came to me when I was working on my papier-mâché boulders. It originated from me imagining "secret" places-in the woods, by the train tracks, in sewer ditches-where teenagers would congregate to get drunk, smoke weed, talk about the universe, and ...
1257

VICE FASHION - WINTER WATERFIGHT

Photos by Jonnie Craig...
1258

NJ T-SHIRTS & YOU: PERFECT TOGETHER

By Chris Nieratko

...
1259

VICE FASHION - ... AND GOD CREATED WOMAN

... and God Created Woman

PHOTOGRAPHER: STACEY MARK
STYLIST: JACLYN HODES
MODEL: HARRIET HALLOWAY

Prop stylist: Chelsea Mariuskin
Hair: Michelle Fiona for Bumble & Bumble
Makeup: Kristin Gallegos for Bryan Bantry Photographer's assistant: Alexander Haring
Stylist's assistant: Anna del...
1260

EL NUEVO ALARMA! IS MEXICO’S BEST CRIME TABLOID...

The Vice Interview

Alarma! is the oldest of Mexico's prensa roja (red press) tabloids. It is mostly made up of gruesome news stories, photos of mutilated corpses, and headlines that contain 1960s-Borscht-Belt-comedian-worthy puns about death and pain. We recently spoke with Miguel Angel Rodriguez Vaz...
1262

RECORDS

Music Reviews - v15n1

JAY-Z
American Gangster
Roc-A-Fella/Def Jam

Everybody's walking around saying this album is great. They're wrong. It's better than Jigga's last piece of crap, but it's hardly reminiscent of Reasonable Doubt and The Blueprint, as Hov claimed it should be. And t...
1263

VICE FASHION - POSTCARDS FROM THE BIG CALF ISLAND

The best Finnish saunas are on private islands like this one, Iso Vasikkasaari (roughly "Big Calf Island"). You have to take a car and boat to get there, but it's worth it. The name of the sauna we visited is Gula Villan ("The Yellow Cabin"). It's from the turn of the last century and it's kind of a...
1264

SKULLS AND BONES IN SIERRA LEONE

Rolling Dice to Talk to the Dead

I'm bending over an open grave in Sierra Leone and trying not to fall in. A boy stands next to me. He's a member of a crew of kids who call themselves Skull and Bones. He points inside and says, "Look, do you see the head?" I can't, so he pulls the cracked gravestone farther from its resting place. ...
1267

COUNTERFEIT FUN

After the media frenzy last summer about Beijing Shijingshan Amusement Park's blatant and badly done Disney World rip-offs, the majority of the attractions were summarily demolished. Besides the wannabe Epcot Center and Cinderella's Castle, everything resembling Disney has been torn down and thrown ...
1268

THE PEOPLE'S LISTS

10 Really Unusual Medical Conditions

10 REALLY UNUSUAL MEDICAL CONDITIONS

ART ATTACK

Fine art can really make you sick. Or so says Dr. Graziella Magherini, author of The Stendhal Syndrome. She has studied more than a hundred tourists in Florence, Italy, who became ill in the presence of great works. The sy...
1270

BEES AND TREES

A Conversation Between Baby Dee and Matt Sweeney

Baby Dee is a singer-songwriter-harpist-pianist with a voice like an angel who fell from heaven. She has played with Current 93 for a while now, and she just put out a solo record of strong and sad and pretty songs on the Drag City label.

Matt Sweeney is the best guitarist around, probabl...
1272

GULLY-SIDAL TENDENCIES

Mavado's a Gangster For Life (Ad Nauseum)

Mavado is the best thing to have happened to dancehall in years. He has the premier new catchphrases ("Anywaaaaayeeeeeee" and "Gangster for liiiife"), if you look into his eyes you'd swear it was the devil looking back at you, and his debut album is a dark, intense masterpiece. He came over to Londo...
1273

VICE FASHION - FIRST LOVE

Photos by Jeroen W. Mantel...
1274

DO IT!

Roadtrip to Sheffeild for a bassline rave......
1275

YET MORE FUCKING HIPPIES

Yeasayer Douse Us in Patchouli Oil

Ever had a hangover that you could describe as "beautiful"? They're not common. They're not your regular earth shattering- shit- your- bowels- out-of-a- ringpiece-that- feels-like-its-been- soaked-in- stinging-nettles- for-a-week-every- five-minutes- accompanied-by- waves-of-nausea- that-make-you- f...
1276

FEEL THE DARKNESS

Living And Breathing in Dirt in Odessa

David Gillanders grew up in Glasgow and like most Glaswegians he soon found himself immersed in the sport known as "fighting". Because he was smart, David decided to do his fighting in the relative safety of a boxing gym, rather than down the back alley behind Barrowlands. Inspired by the black and ...
1278

ENDLESS HARMONIACALS

Talibam! Sounds Like "Being Torn to Pieces by Helicopter Blades"

Jazz can be scary. Unless you are some child prodigy in a Richard Powers novel, it's unlikely you will experience that much jazz in your quotidian existence. In general you evolve through the elementary pre-pubescent guitar music phase, through the ensuing weed-induced dalliances with hip-hop, the e...
1279

VICE FICTION - MY APPETITE

by Joe Dunthorne

I began stealing when I was twenty-two. The first thing I stole was a chocolate muffin. I started eating it on my way round the supermarket and finished it before I got to the till. From then on, whenever I did my weekly food shop, I'd steal something: a luxury item like olives or cashew nuts or, on...
1281

VICE FASHION - ROCK AND ROLL, KEEP PLAYING FOR ME

Photos by Jonnie Craig, Tara Darby, Gavin Watson, James Pearson-Howes and Ben Rayner...
1282

LARPs OF THE NEAR FUTURE

SINergy Take Nightclubbing to the Next Level

Everybody knows that Live Action Role Playing is the funnest way to turn your pointless existence into a thrill ride of unbounded possibilities and constant adventure, right?

But imagine if you took LARP out of the forests and Quasar centres and transported it into the most exciting envir...
1284

SKINEMA

One thing I've been rather curious about lately is how much exactly is it to buy a kid from some third world country. I've heard anywhere from $40,000 to $80,000. And if those numbers are correct, how do I go about brokering a deal for one of these sought-after poor kids? How do my wife and I become...
1285

ELECTRIC INDEPENDENCE

At the end of October last year, Bogdan Raczynski fell from a hotel window in Graz, Austria, and ended up in hospital with two broken heels. Heels-ouch. In Graz to perform at the four-day Elevate festival, the mild-mannered rave heavyweight-who slipped off the scene a few years ago but is emp...
1286

NEWSFLASH: ELECTRO STILL SUCKS

But We Make Exceptions for D.I.M. and Brodinski

Although few history books will be using this as a reference, and many casual observers may not be aware of this, as far as some dance fans are concerned we have entered the post-Justice era. Since electroclash disbanded, like a rent boy rumbled by a policeman mid-job, there's been a promise of a ne...
1287

AMPLIFIED SAMPLES

The Art of Stealing by Girl Talk

Samples. There are plenty of rotters out there dressing their shitty songs up in them, applying them as liberally as possible without realising everyone can see straight through their horribly stuck-together musical golems to their tiny, inverted, shrivel-dicked, barren, soulless cores. Those guys a...
1288

LITERARY

Born In The Bronx, I Want to Remember You Like This Forever, 1-800-Mice Issue 1

Born In The Bronx A Visual Record of the Early Days of Hip Hop
Publisher: Rizzoli

"Early Hip Hop"-when I read that I was tempted to put this in the bin next to the three copies of Wild Style's 25th anniversary book that arrived in the office. So, apparently hip-hop...










ABOUT US | SUBSCRIPTIONS | FIND VICE | MEDIA KIT

AUSTRALIA | AUSTRIA | BELGIUM: FRANÇAIS/NEDERLANDS | CANADA: ENGLISH/FRANÇAIS | DEUTSCHLAND
ESPAÑA | FRANCE | ITALY | 日本語 | MEXICO | NETHERLANDS | NEW ZEALAND | SCANDINAVIA | SCHWEIZ | UK | US

© 2000-2008, Vice Magazine North America | E-mail: vice@viceland.com | Privacy Statement | Terms of Use | Site Development: Solid Sender