TIDBITSA Monthly Look At Things We Love - The Horse's Ass Issue
LOADY AND SINUS ACTION FIGURES
Johnny Ryan’s comics are so stupid and gross and disgusting, they go full circle and become high-concept art that ivory tower academics should be discussing in some rich guy’s salon. Therefore, by displaying these prominently in your home, you are saying to guests, “I’m either really fucking smart or borderline retarded, but I am definitely not boring so stick around.”
See Johnnyr.com for details.
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BEAN ICE CREAM
Got a nagging sweet tooth? Hungry for some delicious sugary ice cream? Want a cool refreshing treat? How about eating a fucking frozen bean? |
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THE CUTE TRAY
Serving young people alcohol can be daunting because they’ve never tried it before and they’re still reeling from having cocaine in their nose for the first time. Putting all your party supplies on a kitten tray however is a great way to ease them into the party and get them relaxed enough to really, thoroughly enjoy themselves.
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SUCKY DRINK
With all due respect to the people at Global Sucos, you might not want to get toddlers to name your lemonade. Especially when they hate lemonade.
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BRITNEY SPEARS DOLL
You know somewhere, somebody is holding this prebreakdown Britney doll and crying, “Why, Britney? Why-y-y-y-y?” It might be an 8-year-old girl or it might be a 30-year-old drag queen in a K-hole but it’s happening. I guarantee it.
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JIZZ CHALK (FOR EXAMPLE)
Fuck hemp. Over 3,000 gallons of male sperm are wasted on bellies and Kleenex every couple of hours. If we could harness that protein, the number of household products it could make is innumerable. |
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VERTICAL TOOTHBRUSH
Invent a better toothbrush and the world will beat a path to your door. Invent a toothbrush where you’re supposed to awkwardly jerk it up and down your face like you’re beating off an invisible dick and the world might get one from the dollar store to mail in as a potential Tidbit.
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CHALLENGER POWER COOL KNIVES
Thanks, Chinese manufacturing, now the kids can pretend to be highway-patrolmen serial killers who savagely slash strangers’ entrails to shreds and let the blue-black blood pour into the endless darkness of night. |
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YOUR FAVOURITE FLAVOUR
Without a good marketing team doing your research you have to kind of guess what the consumer wants to put on his food. Actually, fuck guessing. This is whatever you want it to be.
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CUP FROM STAGE WEST
The only thing more delicious than booze is sipping it out of a cup with a has-been on it. Stage West is Canada’s Branson, Missouri, which means it takes sad celebrity to a place where old Greg Brady has a mustache and isn’t kidding. |
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THIS MONTH’S WINNER: VERTICAL TOOTHBRUSH
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To win your free subscription to Vice, send tidbits to:
North America:VICE Magazine, 97 North 10th Street, Suite 202, Brooklyn, NY, USA 11211.
UK: VICE Magazine, 77 Leonard street, london, ec2a 4qs. mail: info@viceuk.com
Australia: VICE Australia, Mailbox 61, 278 CHURCH ST, Richmond, Victoria 3121
Scandinavia: VICE Magazine, ST. Eriksgatan 48 A, 112 34 Stockholm, Sweden. Email: info@viceland.se
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 Anonymous, on Nov 7, 2009 wrote:
Hm-m-m, such a nice magazine were all the shit from over the world placed. Keep on | | Anonymous, on Jun 9, 2009 wrote:
golliwog candies!
if packaging in the us was that awesome, we’d have just about everything we need. | | Anonymous, on May 25, 2009 wrote:
sit on my face | | Anonymous, on May 6, 2009 wrote:
Tims makes the *best* Salt & Vinegar chips--and its amazing with Cabernet ;) | | Anonymous, on Apr 3, 2009 wrote:
Correction asshole: MUSICIANS benefit humanity. The industry benefits nobody but the industry. | | Anonymous, on Apr 3, 2009 wrote:
Fuck you Vice for promoting music theft and fuck snot-nosed whiny babies with an entitlement complex who cant shell out fucking 0.99 for a song you can play for the rest of your life and don’t care if they’re comlpetely destroying an industry that benefits humanity immeasurably. Cunts. | |
| crimewave, on Feb 8, 2009 wrote:
i recognized those xanax from a thumbnail. fuck. yeah. | | Anonymous, on Feb 5, 2009 wrote:
aw i love this | | Anonymous, on Feb 2, 2009 wrote:
i drove past sambo’s in santa barbara in april 2000 and everyone in the car had exactly the same reaction. the fact that there was a storm coming, so it looked like a ghost town just added to the "did we just drive back to the forties?" feeling. | | Anonymous, on Dec 2, 2008 wrote:
nacism? | | Anonymous, on Dec 2, 2008 wrote:
Don’t you know SHIT is the shit? | | Anonymous, on Dec 1, 2008 wrote:
POT
"Me and my girl rolled about three joints before watching The Ring and oh my god did we ever get scared. bollocks !!!
smoke 3 joints and walk around glasgow | | Anonymous, on Nov 28, 2008 wrote:
bag hutch | | Anonymous, on Oct 31, 2008 wrote:
sink ma teef innit
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| Tiago, on Oct 16, 2008 wrote:
The eyedrops are not american | | Anonymous, on Sep 5, 2008 wrote:
That is not a "cheap slingshot" in the rattlesnake egg envelope. Spin the plastic or metal ring that is suspended by the two rubber bands and put it back in the envelope like that.. then, when someone opens the envelope it makes a loud noise (as the rubber bands unravel, spinning the button against the paper)and they yell and then everyone laughs. say duh, you cheap thief. | | Anonymous, on Jul 13, 2008 wrote:
GOD BLESS AMERICA!!! | | Anonymous, on Jul 11, 2008 wrote:
Edgy stuff!!!!!!!!!! | | Anonymous, on Jul 3, 2008 wrote:
I’ve been enjoying hot spotted cock for years. | | Anonymous, on Jun 22, 2008 wrote:
BOUDREAUX’S BUTT PASTE haha I saw that at work the other day and the bagger and I couldn’t stop laughing!
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