WE COULD BE THE NEW WIND! - PART 2One Small Girl Covers the Internet in Farts
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Why?
All that fucking Thom Yorke bullshit. But sometimes I wonder if he is out there still spying on my YouTube channel. I guess I should thank him. Anyhow, after I punted him back to Paris, I stopped recording for a while, but then one day I just started again and it kind of turned into a funny hobby.
Can you explain your name on YouTube?
It’s peteuse, which is French for a farting or gassy girl. Pet (pronounced “peh”) is the noun for “fart.” Peteuse is a girl, peteur is a boy.
Oh yeah, like Le Pétomane, that legendary French vaudeville fart performer. Anybody reading this who doesn’t know about him should Google his name right now.
It seems that lot of dudes get boners from watching your fart videos. What do you think of that?
I don’t understand it completely but I don’t have the fetish so... But I think lots of fetishes have to do with having access to something forbidden or something that a woman usually is embarrassed about or tries to hide. I’m involved in the foot-fetish community. I sell my stinky worn-out ballet shoes to guys who like to smell stinky feet. Women are often embarrassed about their stinky feet and also by farting. Lots of dudes get off on being privy to those things, I guess.
What about all the comments on your videos? They get a wee bit dirty.
I don’t get offended or anything. It’s a fantasy for men, and I guess I’m a little bit of an exhibitionist so I like the idea of guys wanking to thoughts of me. Overall, though, it’s just comedy. I still watch my and my sister’s clips and laugh my ass off. There is a dom element to this fart-fetish thing: face sitting, ass worship, and such. Some sub guys want to be humiliated by being farted on by a dominant woman. But if I had to sit on someone’s face and cut a big one, I would just bust up laughing. I couldn’t do the whole “You like that, you little needledick, suck it up and smell it” routine.
There are a thousand types of farts. Can you break down a few for our readers?
My personal favorites are the Chuck Yeager, the Saigon, and the SBD.
What’s the Chuck Yeager?
They, of course, break the sound barrier. This is the kind that after you rip it, you are completely amazed at yourself, wondering where all that gas fit inside your organs—especially if you are on the little side like me. These farts often have accompanying pain and necessitate a shorts check. They are usually either pointed and sharp sounding or long and bassy. I’ve done an eight-second-long Chuck Yeager fart in jeans that almost knocked me over. It’s in one of my videos. In high school I did a Yeager when I was hanging out with my friends on this big grassy hill on campus. Everyone turned around and looked—this is a hill that is like 100 yards from one side to the other—and I acted all shocked and turned to my best friend Leah and yelled “Leah! That’s gross!” She never forgave me for that.
What about the Saigon?
If you’ve ever heard Vietnamese people speak, you’ll notice that they have some interesting sounds that we really don’t make as English speakers. Viet language is multitonal, with lots of guh gu gu guh buk buh buk aww! glottal stops and ups and downs in tones. These farts are like what you would hear if you went to a community meeting in Saigon, or in some Vietnamese community and all the members were pissed off about something, like thugs breaking into their Toyota Camrys. These farts often come out first as a high-pitched airy squeak, then continue on to some kind of machine-gun sounds, then a pig squeal, then a long chunky groan. They are often the funniest because you’re like, “When did my ass learn to speak Vietnamese?”
SBD is Silent but Deadly. Right?
Yes. I hate to be cliché, but these are the best because they are your little secret. These are the kind that you let out little by little because you think if you just push it out it might be a Chuck Yeager. Sometimes they’re kind of wet. But then it just snakes out, slowly lisping and you can feel all the air between your cheeks. Then about two seconds later you’re trying to run away from yourself. These are good at the grocery store, the gym, or in the car with a friend (awesome). An SBD in church would be funny too. I do them all the time in ballet class, and sometimes it’s hard to get away from the smell because I’m at the barre doing exercises. I’ve never confirmed whether the girl behind me has ever smelled them but... she has to have. I know she hates me.
What food leads to the biggest farts?
Indian food, by far. Many of the Chuck Yeagers I’ve done come after eating Indian food. My current formula is a) channa masala, b) palak paneer, and c) rice and pappadams. The channa masala has garbanzo beans so you could just say it’s the beans that give it to me, but I eat beans by themselves all the time and they don’t turn me into a farting champ like this formula does. I think it is the spices, the grease, and the rice that do it. Oh yeah, and they smell REALLY bad!
INTERVIEW BY QUINN MORRISON
WE COULD BE THE NEW WIND! | 1 | 2 |
See all articles by this contributor Anonymous, on Sep 13, 2009 wrote:
You know, I’m from belgium and quit good looking and it should not interest me, but peteuse (Jacki) her farts were always so good and innocent that I always wanted to meet her. She was once in Paris. Well, Jacki, please send a mail to nickdevuyst@yahoo.co.uk when you are here again. I want to see and hear you farting in reality. Thanks girl! | | |
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