TIDBITSA Monthly Look At Things We Love - The News From All Over Issue
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THIRD-WORLD GANG BISCUITS FOR KIDS
These wheat biscuits were made in Mumbai. Guess which coast of India Mumbai is on. That’s right. West Si-i-i-i-y-eeeed represent!
Thanks to Nana, Kyoto, Japan
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OLDEN TITS
Boobies used to have this weird, turgid rocket shape that made them look like exotic fruits, then Gloria Steinem burned all the wire bras and all the tits went flat. Now they’re swinging the boulder-holder pendulum the other way with massive fake balloons that look like they’re going to pop. Can we please go back to the 60s tit, please? |
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COCAINE VASE
Remember that story a few years ago where two presumably wasted British burglars saw an urn marked “Charlie” in an old lady’s house and snorted its contents? It was her dog, a Newfoundland named Charlie. When we heard that we were like, “Who the fuck keeps a huge vase full of cocaine in their house anyway?” Lots of people, apparently.
Thanks to Sara Gessin, Los Angeles, CA, but why the fuck did you not buy it? Are you insane?
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PARENT TRAPS
Dear teens,
Your parents have noticed it’s near impossible to make you clean your teeth and do the dishes, so they’ve tried to make it cool by saying, “Hey man, why don’t you go Oxy-blast some zits off those fucking plates?” or “Dude, if you’re jonesing for a smoke why don’t you go brush one on?” Do not get duped. It’s a trick.
Thanks for the warning Victoria, Philadelphia, PA, and Matt, Glens Falls, NY
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CEREAL MILK JUICE
You know when you’re done with your Fruity Pebbles and you drink the bottom of the bowl and you go, “They should make this into a drink”? Well, you forgot about it immediately after because it’s a fucking retarded idea. Others were not so lucky.
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ALIEN MASK
Whenever the news talks to illegal aliens about Bush’s amnesty plan they hide the guy’s face with some kind of overlit backdrop. If they used this instead I would get a CNN tattoo. |
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TWINKIES
Middle-aged queers refer to young hotties as twinkies (or twinks, for short) because they’re not good for you but they’re full of cream and they look cute. As said old gays get past troll age, the only time you hear about them getting a twinkie up their ass is when they’re in the ER having this guy dislodged after “accidentally sitting on it in the shower” (yeah right, you guys).
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NAÏVE HIPPIE MAGAZINES
Are hippies blind? Do they know what this looks like, or are they so used to ejaculating inside their free-loving and hirsute fuck-buddies they forgot the rest of us still enjoy the odd pearl goalie mask? Thank god they stopped doing kids’ shows. Who knows what kind of inadvertent porn they’d end up subjecting our children to?
Thanks to Joey, Berkeley, CA |
THIS MONTH’S WINNER: THIRD-WORLD GANG BISCUITS FOR KIDS
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To win your free subscription to Vice, send tidbits to:
North America:VICE Magazine, 97 North 10th Street, Suite 202, Brooklyn, NY, USA 11211.
UK: VICE Magazine, 77 Leonard street, london, ec2a 4qs. mail: info@viceuk.com
Australia: VICE Australia, Mailbox 61, 278 CHURCH ST, Richmond, Victoria 3121
Scandinavia: VICE Magazine, ST. Eriksgatan 48 A, 112 34 Stockholm, Sweden. Email: info@viceland.se
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 Anonymous, on Nov 7, 2009 wrote:
Hm-m-m, such a nice magazine were all the shit from over the world placed. Keep on | | Anonymous, on Jun 9, 2009 wrote:
golliwog candies!
if packaging in the us was that awesome, we’d have just about everything we need. | | Anonymous, on May 25, 2009 wrote:
sit on my face | | Anonymous, on May 6, 2009 wrote:
Tims makes the *best* Salt & Vinegar chips--and its amazing with Cabernet ;) | | Anonymous, on Apr 3, 2009 wrote:
Correction asshole: MUSICIANS benefit humanity. The industry benefits nobody but the industry. | | Anonymous, on Apr 3, 2009 wrote:
Fuck you Vice for promoting music theft and fuck snot-nosed whiny babies with an entitlement complex who cant shell out fucking 0.99 for a song you can play for the rest of your life and don’t care if they’re comlpetely destroying an industry that benefits humanity immeasurably. Cunts. | |
| crimewave, on Feb 8, 2009 wrote:
i recognized those xanax from a thumbnail. fuck. yeah. | | Anonymous, on Feb 5, 2009 wrote:
aw i love this | | Anonymous, on Feb 2, 2009 wrote:
i drove past sambo’s in santa barbara in april 2000 and everyone in the car had exactly the same reaction. the fact that there was a storm coming, so it looked like a ghost town just added to the "did we just drive back to the forties?" feeling. | | Anonymous, on Dec 2, 2008 wrote:
nacism? | | Anonymous, on Dec 2, 2008 wrote:
Don’t you know SHIT is the shit? | | Anonymous, on Dec 1, 2008 wrote:
POT
"Me and my girl rolled about three joints before watching The Ring and oh my god did we ever get scared. bollocks !!!
smoke 3 joints and walk around glasgow | | Anonymous, on Nov 28, 2008 wrote:
bag hutch | | Anonymous, on Oct 31, 2008 wrote:
sink ma teef innit
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| Tiago, on Oct 16, 2008 wrote:
The eyedrops are not american | | Anonymous, on Sep 5, 2008 wrote:
That is not a "cheap slingshot" in the rattlesnake egg envelope. Spin the plastic or metal ring that is suspended by the two rubber bands and put it back in the envelope like that.. then, when someone opens the envelope it makes a loud noise (as the rubber bands unravel, spinning the button against the paper)and they yell and then everyone laughs. say duh, you cheap thief. | | Anonymous, on Jul 13, 2008 wrote:
GOD BLESS AMERICA!!! | | Anonymous, on Jul 11, 2008 wrote:
Edgy stuff!!!!!!!!!! | | Anonymous, on Jul 3, 2008 wrote:
I’ve been enjoying hot spotted cock for years. | | Anonymous, on Jun 22, 2008 wrote:
BOUDREAUX’S BUTT PASTE haha I saw that at work the other day and the bagger and I couldn’t stop laughing!
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