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| Some jolly fellow with an Against Me! tattoo. Photo by the author. | | AGAINST ALL ODDS - PART 4Against Me! On the Road
MARCH 8, LONDON, ON, CALL THE OFFICE, 11:40 PM
Warren has made it abundantly clear today that he hates Call the Office. In all fairness it is a total shithole. It has horrible sight lines. There is a huge pole right in front of the stage. The walls backstage are covered with low-grade graffiti: band names that no one has ever heard of, crude drawings of penises and vaginas, nonsensical inside jokes.
“Anal Chutney!! Curry in your ass mo fo.”
“Fuckin bitches without rubberss ’07.”
“Unicorns don’t have wings faggot I know cause I’ve got three.”
The couches, once orange, are now brown. They are greasy to the touch, covered in a mix of sweat, piss, snot, feces, barf, semen, and God knows what else. This will be our fourth time playing here. I can’t help but think it won’t be the last. I have a feeling that the rest of my life will be a never-ending version of this club each night. Somehow, I’m OK with that.
MARCH 10: PORT HURON, MI, COMFORT SUITES, 5:00 AM
Drove two hours after the show in Toronto to this hotel in Port Huron. We were trying to save time by crossing the border at night, when it’s usually less busy. This was not the case.
While entering Canada as a band can be difficult, at least their border control staff are usually friendly. US border control are always assholes. Tonight was no exception. They act like they’re doing you a favor even considering letting you back into the country you were born in. They act like they just might turn you away.
“What were you doing in Canada?”
“We’re a band. We’re on tour.”
“How many days where you there?”
“Eight.”
“So you came all the way from Florida to play shows in Canada?”
This is said with indignant disbelief. As if the idea of you traveling around freely is completely absurd. You are suspect.
“Yes.”
“What, was there some kind of battle of the bands or something?”
“No, we’re just on tour.”
The usual round of questions follow. What’s the name of the band? What kind of music? They don’t really care. They’re just asking so that they can tell their story of the time that Toby Keith came through. Toby Keith, Toby Keith, Toby Keith. The name is dropped with immense pride.
“I even got to step on the tour bus.”
This is not only an expression of the border guards’ musical taste, it is a proud display of their patriotism.
“Who’s Warren Oakes?”
It’s the beard. He’s asking who Warren Oakes is because he has a beard.
“Right here…”
“You ever live outside the country?”
“No.”
“You have any relatives who live outside this country?”
You mean Osama?
“No. Why? Do I have a look-alike?”
It takes around 45 minutes for them to check our passports and search the van. We don’t get into the hotel until around 4:30 AM.
MARCH 12: DRIVING SOUTH ON I-55, ST. LOUIS, MO, 2:00 PM
The last time we played in Madison was over four years ago. It was a basement show. I remember we played with a band called Big Fat Ass. They gave us four copies of their self-titled debut album. It’s always been my job to clean out the van at the end of each tour since I drive the van when we’re not on tour. I ended up with all four copies of said album. I never listened to any of them. Who knows, it could have been genius.
Last night’s show at the Orpheum Stage Door was the worst one on the tour so far. A horrible venue and a dead crowd. A little less than 300 people showed up, which isn’t horrible for a Sunday night. The chairs were still left in the room, bolted into the ground, with a 20-foot gap between where the seats ended and the stage began. I thought the stage was going to collapse. There were a total of four lights on us: two on each side of the stage, with the lighting rig coming up to about my shoulder. Despite the expressionless faces and limited enthusiasm we were met with, I thought we played very well.
TOM GABEL
AGAINST ALL ODDS... | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 |
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| NIGNOG, on Dec 7, 2008 wrote:
i went to that show in columbia when i was 14, and ended up with a footprint on my neck.
one of the best shows i’ve been to, love against me! | | |
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