TIDBITSA Monthly Look At Things We Love - The Turning Gay Issue
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JIHAD TRANSFORMERS
These robots are fucking dangerous to play with because sometimes they blow up in your hand.
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MAFIA-FREE PASTA
This is one of the few Tidbits where a thing actually is its stupid name. While we’re sitting on this side of the Atlantic worrying if food has MSG or too many trans fats, Italians are so sick of getting murdered they are buying food based on whether or not any of the money goes to the Mob. Seriously. |
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ISRAELI MESSIAH CARDS
Believe it or not, in Tel Aviv it’s perfectly normal to be walking down the street and have a vanful of very stoned Jews jump out with hash smoke everywhere and trance music blaring and hand you this. Apparently he’s the Messiah now and the best way to show your love is to get really high, hand out his baseball card, and dance around like a fucking idiot. |
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DEEPPRESSO COFFEE
Old people get tired real easy, so if you’re going to visit a dying relative at an old folks’ home and watch brain-dead geriatrics stare at the ceiling with drool pouring down their cheeks, you guys best break out a few cups of this.
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PUSSY TRICK MENU
This thing is real depressing to have in your hands in a shitty Bangkok bar that smells like loneliness and has nude, hungry women lying around doing tricks with their genitalia, but when you’re back home and it’s framed on your wall it becomes a conversation piece that rivals tumors.
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CHINESE COLONEL SANDERS
We like the Chinese version of Colonel Sanders because he doesn’t come across as a kind of racist version of Orville Redenbacher. Not that old Chinese guys can’t be racist. They’re just way cuter about it.
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VICE BOOK
Finally a book that follows us from the Voice of Montreal days when we were trying to get off heroin, through the early New York days when eccentric internet billionaires bought us cars, to some pretty awful years of bankruptcy, and finally here, today, when even the president is worried about becoming a DON’T.
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DISGUSTING KID WIND-UP TOY
Why do Japanese kids get the best toys? What part of our culture prevents us from having a wind-up retard that comes buzzing toward you with snot all over his face and a big piece of shit in his hand? Is it Christianity? Well then fuck you, Jesus.
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SPANISH FAGGOT CAKES
Gays eat differently than us (ever go to a restaurant in New York’s West Village that didn’t have Cobb salad?). Now, you can pretend that’s not true or you can do what they do in Spain and clearly mark homo-friendly food with the word puto meaning “faggot.”
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CRACK-VIAL BANDANA
Crackheads should be forced to wear patterns made up of used crack vials so that when they come up to us saying they need help because “some hairy motherfucker got in my head and he’s taking all my memories to Germany,” we’ll know he’s full of shit.
Available from anewyorkthing.com |
WINNER: JIHAD TRANSFORMERS |
To win your free subscription to Vice, send tidbits to:
North America:VICE Magazine,
97 North 10th Street, Suite 202, Brooklyn, NY, USA 11211.
UK:
VICE Magazine,
77 Leonard street, london, ec2a 4qs. mail: info@viceuk.com
Australia:
VICE Australia, Mailbox 61, 278 CHURCH ST, Richmond, Victoria 3121
Scandinavia:
VICE Magazine,
ST. Eriksgatan 48 A, 112 34 Stockholm, Sweden. Email: info@viceland.se |
 Anonymous, on Nov 7, 2009 wrote:
Hm-m-m, such a nice magazine were all the shit from over the world placed. Keep on | | Anonymous, on Jun 9, 2009 wrote:
golliwog candies!
if packaging in the us was that awesome, we’d have just about everything we need. | | Anonymous, on May 25, 2009 wrote:
sit on my face | | Anonymous, on May 6, 2009 wrote:
Tims makes the *best* Salt & Vinegar chips--and its amazing with Cabernet ;) | | Anonymous, on Apr 3, 2009 wrote:
Correction asshole: MUSICIANS benefit humanity. The industry benefits nobody but the industry. | | Anonymous, on Apr 3, 2009 wrote:
Fuck you Vice for promoting music theft and fuck snot-nosed whiny babies with an entitlement complex who cant shell out fucking 0.99 for a song you can play for the rest of your life and don’t care if they’re comlpetely destroying an industry that benefits humanity immeasurably. Cunts. | |
| crimewave, on Feb 8, 2009 wrote:
i recognized those xanax from a thumbnail. fuck. yeah. | | Anonymous, on Feb 5, 2009 wrote:
aw i love this | | Anonymous, on Feb 2, 2009 wrote:
i drove past sambo’s in santa barbara in april 2000 and everyone in the car had exactly the same reaction. the fact that there was a storm coming, so it looked like a ghost town just added to the "did we just drive back to the forties?" feeling. | | Anonymous, on Dec 2, 2008 wrote:
nacism? | | Anonymous, on Dec 2, 2008 wrote:
Don’t you know SHIT is the shit? | | Anonymous, on Dec 1, 2008 wrote:
POT
"Me and my girl rolled about three joints before watching The Ring and oh my god did we ever get scared. bollocks !!!
smoke 3 joints and walk around glasgow | | Anonymous, on Nov 28, 2008 wrote:
bag hutch | | Anonymous, on Oct 31, 2008 wrote:
sink ma teef innit
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| Tiago, on Oct 16, 2008 wrote:
The eyedrops are not american | | Anonymous, on Sep 5, 2008 wrote:
That is not a "cheap slingshot" in the rattlesnake egg envelope. Spin the plastic or metal ring that is suspended by the two rubber bands and put it back in the envelope like that.. then, when someone opens the envelope it makes a loud noise (as the rubber bands unravel, spinning the button against the paper)and they yell and then everyone laughs. say duh, you cheap thief. | | Anonymous, on Jul 13, 2008 wrote:
GOD BLESS AMERICA!!! | | Anonymous, on Jul 11, 2008 wrote:
Edgy stuff!!!!!!!!!! | | Anonymous, on Jul 3, 2008 wrote:
I’ve been enjoying hot spotted cock for years. | | Anonymous, on Jun 22, 2008 wrote:
BOUDREAUX’S BUTT PASTE haha I saw that at work the other day and the bagger and I couldn’t stop laughing!
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