DOS & DON'TS

You wouldn't believe the kind of crazy shit we've been getting into every night since we became friends with Robbie. We're just worried someone's going to hit him in the head again and set everything back to normal. Comments/Enlarge | See all

Here’s an argument for letting your kids do drugs at the earliest age possible. When people get into drugs too late in life they amalgamate all the things the desperate teenage drug addicts who runaway to the big city at 15 do; complete with the old "getting an STD on their first week in the big city from the Polish waiter" chestnut. Comments/Enlarge | See all

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IN THE MAGAZINE

STICK 'N' POKE - PART 2

How to Perform a Homemade Tattoo


Click on the pictures to enlarge

Draw the tattoo on with a nonpermanent pen. Fortunately, my penmanship is UNBELIEVABLY flawless, miraculous almost, and REEKS of flair. Which is the only thing that reeks seeing as my shit don’t smell.

Ensure that the tattoo-ee is 100-percent pleased with the placement and size of the design. You can make that 80-percent pleased for those annoyingly indecisive types. Alexis was not that way, by the by.

Pour some ink into the saucer, put on a movie you’ve seen before—we opted for The Dark Crystal, because... Hey, we should have put on Rosemary’s Baby! Meh... Whatever. And now, let the poking begin!

Alexis is nervous.

The first delicious poke.

“Oh! That didn’t feel like how I thought it was gonna feel,” says Alexis.

“It’s nicer than with a tattoo gun. The noise of the gun drives me crazy. This doesn’t hurt at all!” A tad cavalier much?

The poking continues for a while, calmly. Suddenly Alexis sucks in her breath, then comes this exchange:

Alexis: “OH MY GOD! What the fuck was that?!”

Me: “We’re getting closer to your hip bone, and the skin is tauter. Does it hurt that bad?”

Alexis: “I hate you, Ben Cho.”

Hehe. I know.