NEWSLETTER

The PS3 is here and it’s all right I suppose. It’s a funny shape and it’s got the font from Spiderman 2 down the side.

You can tell they wanted it to look all space-age but it didn’t quite end up that way. Not that that matters much, since the PlayStation 2 was by no means a thing of beauty, but at least you could put it under the little telly in your bedroom because it was flat on top.

Obviously, they weren’t thinking of people with small tellies when they designed it, according to internet geeks, it’s not technically possible to enjoy it on anything less than some form of 60-inch HD obscenity, but it’s worth considering what the poor scumbags who are going to shell out more than £400 for it, and who then have to resign themselves to playing it on Aiwa TV/video combos will be dealing with.

The small TV problem didn’t apply to my PS3 experience. I got to try it out on some form of 60-inch obscenity that Vice had managed to borrow off someone (still wasn’t HD though).

I like to consider myself a jaded video games know-it-all, but I surprised myself by being at least half-convinced while I was plugging it in that it might be quite good. I found time to build on this excitement when the table with the massive TV and the Playstation 3 on it collapsed on top of me and hurt my finger.

When I recovered, and finally sat down in front of a new table, the console ready to go, and had a quick look through the selection of review titles Sony had sent over to convince me how amazing the PS3 is, my initial excitement wavered slightly.

Of the eight-odd games they’d sent over, fully half were driving games, and three of those were from done-to-death Playstation series, namely Gran Turismo (it’s very pretty, but choosing the hardness of your suspension before every race isn’t even for geeks, it’s for people who hate life), Ridge Racer 7 (they’ve had the same tracks for 10 years, and made-up cars are boring), and Formula 1 (Formula 1 is a load of old shit).

Why would a huge company like Sony try to convince reviewers that its shiniest new device was set to push back the boundaries of gaming as we know it by sending out a review selection made up of games whose ancestors came out on the first Playstation 12 years ago? Because they haven’t got much to work with.

Of 27 launch titles, 22 are sequels or parts of never-ending sports franchises. Nothing says the future like Tiger Woods and Tony Hawk (who has apparently signed a deal to make a game every year until 2017, when he will literally be 60). And they didn’t even send me the boxing one, which was the only one I wanted to play—what are posh graphics for if not for punching people really slowly and watching their spit go flying out of their mouth.

Anyway, having cast all this tat aside, I was left with three ‘original’ games: Resistance: Fall of Man, Genji and Motorstorm. Here are their summaries in brief:

Resistance: Fall of Man is Call of Duty crossed with Gears of War, except without so much of that annoying hiding behind cover gimmick Gears of War relied on. It also lacks those grisly chainsaw killings from Gears of War though. They were good.

It’s pretty, but the levels are stupidly linear, and anyone claiming that this is any kind of leap forward in gaming clearly just paid £500 for their PS3 and copy of this game.

Genji. This is Japanese ninja-types doing swordy-slashy stuff through olde-worlde Japan. I think they’re trying to sell it as gory, but it’s that big-sprays-of-bright-red-blood-but-no-wounds vibe. The women all have fat legs, and the men dress like gaylords and have silly hair. A lot like the Old Blue Last. Seriously though, this game is definitely not amazing.

OK, on to Motorstorm. This was actually good fun. It’s simple but not spastic driving, lots of different vehicles, fairly open-ended gameplay and surprisingly good graphics. The loading times are long, and there’s probably not much in the way of longevity, but it would be ideal for making your mates who didn’t have PS3s jealous.

So there you have it, conclusive proof that the PS3 is really good but the first games are not quite as amazing as we hoped. I’m going to wait ‘til the fuss has died down and get one for cheaper when there’s better games out. If you insist on buying one now, get Motorstorm, Fight Night, and maybe the Tony Hawk’s game if you’re a sucker for that stuff like I am.

Or you could buy one and try to get your friends to appreciate the improved quality of Blu-Ray movies over DVDs while you wait for the decent games to come out. You nerd.

OLI & CLIVE

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