TIDBITSWhat Does Iraq Think of America's Favorite Things?
This month’s Tidbits guest-written by our Iraqi friend Shaggy. Check out his blog at baghdadbacon.blogspot.com
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iPHONE
These will only be available in the States. We can’t get them here. Iraqis do love their mobiles though. They spend crazy money on them and over here the prices aren’t subsidized. I have a Sony Ericsson phone. Reception is good but employees are often killed for no reason. People just shoot people here for no reason. There’s crazy security.
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BOOKS
We don’t have many bookstores, but there’s a book market. However, Western DVDs have been burnt at the DVD market for being indecent. (The market itself didn’t get destroyed and was back in business the next day.)
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PUPPIES
There aren’t pet stores but there’s a pet market. There’s a market for everything. Ninety-nine percent of the people that get dogs get them for protection and then treat them like shit. They’re not really pets. If you keep a dog in your house you’re nasty.
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SIX PACK OF BUD
Right after the invasion or the liberation or whatever (in Iraq we call those first days “the war”) there was beer available everywhere. Then the extremists started killing the vendors. Now you can only buy beer in one place, next to the green zone. |
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STILETTOS
In Baghdad, women have started wearing head scarves to cover their hair and as you go out into the countryside you even start seeing women wearing burkas. But the extremists don’t seem to care about shoes. All the girls at college wear high heels.
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ONE HIT
Before the war my brother and I would smoke weed at the public pool. We never got caught because the authorities had no idea what weed is. They don’t recognize the smell. You could hand it to them and they’d have no idea. You get the death penalty for doing drugs. This has always been the case.
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TOBY KEITH
“Justice will be served and the battle will rage/This old dog gets mad when you rattle his cage/You’ll be sorry that you messed with the US of A/We’ll put a boot in your ass it’s the American way.” We had nothing to do with 9/11 did we? This is a very narrow view of the world. Geez. However, there are people here that believe that they have to fight an occupation.
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TANNING CREAM
We have this but it’s the opposite. The TV will advertise whitening cream where, over the course of a week, an Arabic woman will get happier and more confident as she gets whiter.
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APPLE PIE
I had apple pie in England once. You don’t see any apple pie here. Yesterday I was told a local shopkeeper who was selling cakes and stuff was shot and killed. Again, it was just killing for killing’s sake. |
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BLOW JOB MACHINE
There are no sex shops in Iraq but my father told me that prostitution was legal back in the 40s and 50s. Women could drive back then too. Our country is moving backward. |
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PORN
Before the war people would smuggle in VHS tapes of porn and we would dub them and show them to friends. Then the internet came along and DVDs. Nobody ever had magazines. The extremist guys would kill you if they caught you with pornography.
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PARTYMOBILES
The Iraqi army has Hummers now. I think they just got them from the Egyptian government. They’re crap vehicles though. Nobody wealthy would drive one around here because people are scared to show their wealth. Up in the Kurdish region it’s a different story. |
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See all articles by this contributor Anonymous, on Nov 7, 2009 wrote:
Hm-m-m, such a nice magazine were all the shit from over the world placed. Keep on | | Anonymous, on Jun 9, 2009 wrote:
golliwog candies!
if packaging in the us was that awesome, we’d have just about everything we need. | | Anonymous, on May 25, 2009 wrote:
sit on my face | | Anonymous, on May 6, 2009 wrote:
Tims makes the *best* Salt & Vinegar chips--and its amazing with Cabernet ;) | | Anonymous, on Apr 3, 2009 wrote:
Correction asshole: MUSICIANS benefit humanity. The industry benefits nobody but the industry. | | Anonymous, on Apr 3, 2009 wrote:
Fuck you Vice for promoting music theft and fuck snot-nosed whiny babies with an entitlement complex who cant shell out fucking 0.99 for a song you can play for the rest of your life and don’t care if they’re comlpetely destroying an industry that benefits humanity immeasurably. Cunts. | |
| crimewave, on Feb 8, 2009 wrote:
i recognized those xanax from a thumbnail. fuck. yeah. | | Anonymous, on Feb 5, 2009 wrote:
aw i love this | | Anonymous, on Feb 2, 2009 wrote:
i drove past sambo’s in santa barbara in april 2000 and everyone in the car had exactly the same reaction. the fact that there was a storm coming, so it looked like a ghost town just added to the "did we just drive back to the forties?" feeling. | | Anonymous, on Dec 2, 2008 wrote:
nacism? | | Anonymous, on Dec 2, 2008 wrote:
Don’t you know SHIT is the shit? | | Anonymous, on Dec 1, 2008 wrote:
POT
"Me and my girl rolled about three joints before watching The Ring and oh my god did we ever get scared. bollocks !!!
smoke 3 joints and walk around glasgow | | Anonymous, on Nov 28, 2008 wrote:
bag hutch | | Anonymous, on Oct 31, 2008 wrote:
sink ma teef innit
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| Tiago, on Oct 16, 2008 wrote:
The eyedrops are not american | | Anonymous, on Sep 5, 2008 wrote:
That is not a "cheap slingshot" in the rattlesnake egg envelope. Spin the plastic or metal ring that is suspended by the two rubber bands and put it back in the envelope like that.. then, when someone opens the envelope it makes a loud noise (as the rubber bands unravel, spinning the button against the paper)and they yell and then everyone laughs. say duh, you cheap thief. | | Anonymous, on Jul 13, 2008 wrote:
GOD BLESS AMERICA!!! | | Anonymous, on Jul 11, 2008 wrote:
Edgy stuff!!!!!!!!!! | | Anonymous, on Jul 3, 2008 wrote:
I’ve been enjoying hot spotted cock for years. | | Anonymous, on Jun 22, 2008 wrote:
BOUDREAUX’S BUTT PASTE haha I saw that at work the other day and the bagger and I couldn’t stop laughing!
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