DOS & DON'TS

9/11, global warming, droughts in the rainforest, tsunamis, UPC symbols, and now girls in thigh-high stockings are blowing World of Warcraft gamers? Does Christ have to punch you in the balls before you accept him as your personal saviour?

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DOs & DON'Ts

In their free time, the assistant managers of cellphone warehouses stand in parking lots wearing jeans designed for 12-year-old girls and making gang signs that mean “free talk time on nights and weekends.”
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DOs & DON'Ts

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IN THE MAGAZINE

VICELAND EXCLUSIVE

Canadian Thrift Store Finds

Published February, 2007

HOSER: Josh Grace

These leather pants are about as cool as Canada gets but I became a fat fucking pig and I can’t wear them anymore.

This is from a biker store in Montreal and it means “Flying into liberty” which has a real kamikaze feel to it, especially after 9-11.

This was one of the few political thrash metal bands. Nobody could hear what they were saying though so why bother?

This sweatshirt cost me two dollars and I wouldn’t sell it for anything less than five.

HOSER: Andrew Geddes

The Frankenstein Hat my mother bought for me on a very sunny day during a family trip to Niagara Falls (Canadian Side) on July 11, 1977.

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The Bob and Doug Shirt you had to order from an insert that came with the 12" vinyl version of their comedy album featuring Geddy Lee of Rush. The shirt is a size small, which I was at the time. Couldn't part with the shirt, so as I grew I just kept hacking away at it to make it fit. It now exposes my beer gut, lint filled "innie" but still gets pulled out for the annual Canada Day Piss Up every year.

The Harvey Wallbanger toque I got from Ryan Baxter's grandfather who used to work at the LCBO. He set me up with a whole Harvey Wallbanger outfit. Toque, shirt and suspenders. I remember hanging out in his basement being surrounded by boxes of Harvey Wallbanger merch. This stuff was just collecting dust. On the back of the toque it says, "I can be made". It said this on all the stuff. The shirt even had the drink recipe on the front. Turns out that the ad campaign to promote the drink died a quick death when word reached the rest of the spirits industry that 21 Brands (the importer of Galliano) did not have ownership of the name Harvey Wallbanger. 21 Brands immediately stopped promotion of the drink in 1971 and sales began to slow and eventually stopped.

Can't remember where I got the Finger Lickin' Day toque but it’s perfect for those winter days when you feel like eating a lot of fried chicken outdoors and you don’t have any serviettes (that’s Canadian for Kleenex).

HOSER: Blake Jacobs