You know 500 years from now some asshole is going to think this is what people in the 20th century looked like. It's like how we take the entire middle ages and go, "Oh yeah, they were a bunch of dickhead knights."Comments/Enlarge |
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What is this, the Lockhorns? Even if, taking the high road here, your husband's defective penis isn't at least partially the result of your own middleaged bloatification, parading it through the airport can't be helping.Comments/Enlarge |
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STEP 7
Ok here’s the fun bit. Slowly begin to trace the outline of your design with the burning hot end of the iron. You don’t want to drag it across the skin too much so we found that short, quick strokes worked best. Collette’s former branding experience came in handy here and she explained that she was only going to give Pierce second degree burns. Basically this means that she stopped short of inflicting third degree burns so we were all spared seeing Pierce’s fatty layers and he was spared the nasty infections that generally result from such intense burns. It was totally win win. Even through our masks, the smell of burning flesh was pretty dizzying so we’d probably recommend having some kind of burning oils on hand to mask this.
STEP 8
Finish off the design and tell them it looks great. Really great. If for any reason they are not happy with it, tell them that it will probably fade away and be back to normal in about six months. Again, don’t look to the right.
STEP 9
The Jelly Bean step was supposed to be after the antiseptic step but Pierce couldn’t wait so we let so we let him have a couple for his show of endurance.
STEP 10
You now want to give the wound a bit of an antiseptic wipe before you patch it up. We used the Absinthe because the Savlon was looking all crusty and old. Pierce said it hurt more than Syphilis.
STEP 11
Nice and hygienic.
STEP 12
Cover the brand with a clean plaster or bandage to give your new design a fighting chance to heal and compliment each other on a great job.
C, on Jul 20, 2009 wrote: Hey Handjob, how’s about you shove your backward funk about skinny kids and seared flesh? You and your MONKEY need to read a few more of Jon’s articles.
TODAY’S WORD OF THE DAY IS SARDONICISM. Can anyone here tell me what that means?
You goddamn peanut.
Anonymous, on Jul 18, 2009 wrote: dudeman is such a pussbag.
secondly, is it that difficult to zoom in a little closer, you know, so the collective world wide web can see your lame ass "brand"?
*the guy below me sounds like the dick in the picture.
these guys need to get their nuts busted, in a bad way.
Anonymous, on Jul 14, 2009 wrote: i think some of you didnt pick up on the jokes throughout the instructions... such as
"Subject: scientific note FYI
Date: Nov 18 2007 04:28:31 PM
Author: mauricio
the temperature of the Sun is more than 6000ºC (celsius) you fucking idiots."
im sure they know a soldering iron isnt hotter than the sun. anybody with any sort of brain matter would realize that a soldering iron would completely melt on the sun, metal and all. oh and also, OVER 6000°Celsius is wrong also, its actually 5,500°Celsius average at the surface and 15,000,000°Celsius at the center, which is what you would measure if your saying "something is this hot". so i guess that makes you pwned by a nerd that you hate...
victory is mine. CNS just ran through you and taught you a lesson.
I WILL SIT YOU DOWN AND YOU WILL REMAIN SEATED UNTIL INSTRUCTED TO RISE.
Anonymous, on Jul 9, 2009 wrote: i could not stop cringing as i read this.
i dont think i could ever be drunk enough to think this would be a good idea.
Paolo, on Jul 8, 2009 wrote: Again with the emaciated dudes in this magazine. When did sandwiches and push-ups become lame?
Anonymous, on Jul 8, 2009 wrote: "after" pix plse. geez.
Anonymous, on Apr 8, 2009 wrote: What is with the gay *cube* on his arm? Why these retarded *tattoos/brands*??? He really is nerdy...
