RECORDSMusic Reviews - The Kids Issue
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Sparklehorse
Dreamt for Lightyears in the Belly of the Mountain
Capitol
What does this make you think of?
Rachel: Calm, like singing to the stars. I would eat fruit listening to this music. Bananas, apples, peaches—stuff like that.
Lauren: I think it’s sort of like she is singing to herself or her dog or something. This isn’t really my thing.
When would you listen to this music?
Rachel: When you are really sad or lonely.
Lauren: This is not my favorite.
Rachel: Me neither.
Who would listen to this music?
Lauren: Crazy boys that smell like skunks.
Rachel: People with short arms and short legs.
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Puffy Amiyumi
Splurge
Tofu
Rachel: I think this is a really fun rock band.
Lauren: This makes me feel like I am throwing a party in the house.
Who would you invite to the party?
Rachel: Friends from dance, friends from school, next door neighbors.
What do you think this singer looks like?
Rachel: Hair dyed purple or pink, with like a skull on her shirt.
Who would listen to this?
Lauren: A family that likes weird music would listen to this together. Maybe twins, because twins like crazy music sometimes.
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The Watson Twins
Southern Manners EP
Self-released
Rachel: This is the best CD I have heard.
Lauren: Yeah, this is the best.
What do you think happened to make them so sad?
Lauren: I think she is just trying to make a sad story so she can make a slow, nice song.
So, you don’t think anything sad happened to them?
Lauren: Yeah, someone passed away.
What do you think these girls look like?
Rachel: They probably have nice hairdos.
Lauren: They would probably wear clothes that are kind of dressy and kind of funky, like dark blue, gray, and a little bit of black and red.
Rachel: I think they would not wear much makeup.
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OOIOO
Taiga
Thrill Jockey
Lauren: This isn’t really my thing. It’s like banging. I didn’t like how the music started or how the girl started singing and I didn’t like the tune. It makes me feel so mad.
Rachel: This makes me feel sorta mad, sorta sad. Mostly mad. I don’t think I’d ever listen to this.
Lauren: I don’t know why they are yelling.
What kind of people do you think listen to this music?
Rachel: Japanese people.
Lauren: Mad people.
What do you think the people that listen to this music look like?
Rachel: They probably look like they are hunting for food.
Lauren: This is funny.
Rachel: This is not the worst CD I have ever heard, but it is one of them.
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Jennifer O’Connor
Over the Mountain, Across the Valley and Back to the Stars
Matador
Lauren: It is sort of plain. It’s not very fun, there is not very much music.
Rachel: I think she sounds pretty sad.
Lauren: I think she is singing because her best friend died.
Rachel: It is sort of boring. Like she is riding a horse.
If this music was a flavor of ice cream, what flavor would it be?
Lauren: Like dark, dark chocolate.
Rachel: Like brownie, but plain.
Lauren: This makes me feel sort of sad and sort of funny, like if you are moving to get a new cottage but you are sad you are leaving the old cottage.
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The Husbands
There’s Nothing I’d Like More than to See You Dead
Swami
How would you describe this music?
Macklin: Some sort of rock music and very wild.
Would you ever listen to this?
Macklin: Maybe when my friend came over and we had nothing to do, we’d put it on and jump around.
If this music was an animal, what animal would it be?
Macklin: I can picture a penguin with a purple afro.
Carson: A monkey! Monkeys rock! |
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Acid Mothers Temple & the Melting Paraiso U.F.O.
Have You Seen the Other Side of the Sky?
Ace Fu
Carson: Sounds like a wild jungle with monkeys screaming and lions chasing giraffes and the giraffe can’t move. Wild, wild jungle.
Macklin: A rocketship going up into the air mixed with punk rock. Very wild.
Carson: Very, very wild!
What do you think they look like?
Carson: Bald.
Can you tell what language he’s singing in?
Macklin: Hebrew?
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Mastodon
Blood Mountain
Reprise
How would you describe this?
Macklin: It sounds like… disturbing. I don’t recommend it.
Carson: Very wild. Wild, wild, wild.
What do you think the band looks like?
Macklin: Maybe they have mohawks.
Have you ever had a mohawk?
Carson: No, but I dyed my hair purple for Crazy Hair Day at camp.
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Bonnie “Prince” Billy
The Letting Go
Drag City
Carson: This is probably not wild music.
How can you tell? I haven’t even played it yet.
Macklin: ’Cause it’s got a picture of a beach on it.
Carson: That is a very calm place.
You’re totally right! Let’s listen.
Macklin: We would play this in the car.
Carson: We like calm music in the car.
Macklin: Or the radio. We like Z100. They have the best songs.
What does this music make you imagine?
Carson: Very sad moments.
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V/A
Good God! A Gospel Funk Hymnal
The Numero Group
Macklin: This reminds me of a song me and my friend made on Garage Band in computer camp.
Carson and Macklin’s mom: If we were listening to this in the car, how long would it be before you made me turn it off?
Macklin: Depends what kind of mood I’m in. if I’m in the mood for a Sean Paul song, then like, five minutes.
Ooh, Sean Paul! I really like “Temperature.”
Macklin: Yeah, that one is good. I also like “Give It Up to Me” but it’s inappropriate. It’s hard to understand him, but if you read the lyrics, it’s very inappropriate.
Carson: Very, very inappropriate!
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The Mars Volta
Amputechture
Universal
Miranda: It sounds like in a musical where something bad would happen. It’s like that mixed with Japanese music and punk rock.
Sabrina: I like the beat. But I don’t like the songs.
Rory: I LOVE it!
Miranda: The only reason he likes it is ’cause I don’t like it.
Why do you like it, Rory?
Rory: It’s kind of sad, but then in the middle it sounded like something happened, like a rainbow! It makes me feel right at home when I see a rainbow pictured in my head.
Miranda: The guy’s voice sounds like a girl. It keeps going up and down, up and down. I don’t really like it.
What kind of people do you think listen to this?
Miranda: Sad people who are depressed.
Rory: Japanese!
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Miho Hatori
Ecdysis
Rykodisc
Miranda: She’s singing in another language. I like it!
Sabrina: Yeah, I like it! It’s jazzy.
Who do you think listens to this?
Miranda: People who are very jazzy, and people who speak Japanese.
When might you listen to this?
Sabrina: Sometimes I listen to Spanish music on the radio. But maybe if I got sick of that I would try to find a Japanese channel.
Miranda: Maybe while eating dinner, but not so often.
What did you think of it, Rory?
Rory: It was great! I was reading a story in my head while it was going on.
What kind of story?
Rory: Something about a knight, with me being Peter Pan.
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Pharrell
In My Mind
Interscope
Gwen Stefani sings on this song, do you like her?
Sabrina: Yeah! [singing] I ain’t no hollaback girl!
Oops, sorry, there was a curse word.
Miranda: It’s OK, we know all of them.
Sabrina: [dancing] Once I start dancing, I can’t stop!
You’re a good dancer! Where’d you learn those moves?
Sabrina: I saw them on TV.
Miranda: This is OK, but it’s not the best. It’s all kind of the same. But I would definitely dance to it.
Do you have a favorite rap song?
Miranda: My favorite song that’s closest to rap is probably “Hips Don’t Lie” by Shakira.
Sabrina: I like Black-Eyed Peas. I love hip-hop and R&B.
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Hella
Acoustics
5RC
Sabrina: Is that chocolate on the cover? Ha ha ha! It looks like chocolate!
Yeah, it’s a melted chocolate Easter bunny.
Sabrina: Ha ha ha! It looks like an elephant!
Based on the cover picture, what would you think the music sounds like?
Sabrina: Chocolaty!
Miranda: Maybe a little rock-ish, like they want to destroy stuff.
That’s pretty right on. Let’s listen to it now.
Miranda: It sounds like a different culture mixed with punk rock.
Does it make you feel happy or sad?
Rory: Happy. REALLY happy.
Miranda: It makes me feel weird.
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Pere Ubu
Why I Hate Women
Smog Veil
Miranda: Why I Hate Women? I don’t wanna listen to that! Stupid sexist men! Women rule the universe, thank you very much!
Why do you think he hates women?
Miranda: He probably got dumped and he’s taking revenge!
Sabrina: I don’t like this.
Miranda: His voice sounds like the voice my friend makes when he’s trying to be weird.
Sabrina: Like an alien voice. Like, “Myeh, myeh, myeh!”
What kind of people do you think listen to this stuff?
Miranda: Men who are dateless.
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| flypr, on Nov 13, 2009 wrote:
New Pere Ubu is even more rad and kid worthy:
"Long Live Père Ubu!"
“Brutal, lacking charm, and without redeeming values, this is an album for our times,” Pere Ubu founder David Thomas says. “It is, in fact, the only punk record that’s been made in the last 30 years.”
| | Anonymous, on Feb 4, 2009 wrote:
i dont like girls
;) | |
| Manos Turbo, on Nov 9, 2008 wrote:
wow that Rory kid listens to music the same way I listen to music when I’m stoned | | Anonymous, on Sep 3, 2008 wrote:
you have to do more of these, or i’ll never buy any more potato chips ever again motherfuckers!! | | Anonymous, on Aug 31, 2008 wrote:
awesome keep on it.it’s hilarious | | Anonymous, on Aug 29, 2008 wrote:
These reviews are funny, Ill give you that, but anyone looking for a serious review of music can’t really expect to hear an objective opinion from an album through here, right? | | Anonymous, on Aug 18, 2008 wrote:
this is hilarious. | | Anonymous, on Aug 13, 2008 wrote:
+100000!!! Kids R great reviewer. | | Anonymous, on Aug 5, 2008 wrote:
these reviews are 100% better than the ones you do now. | | |
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