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Though there’s nothing wrong with prostitutes, cyclists, and contractors in and of themselves, putting them all in a blender makes you look like a superhero’s arch enemy if there was a superhero that hated people who put up dry wall and then bike all over town trying to get drug money by sucking cocks.
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“Heeeyyyy you guyysss were awwwessome. I’ve been coming to this place every single night for 15 yearssh and you remind me of the first time I saw Oasshhsishh. Do you have a PR? I can be your PR girl. I know Courtney Love. Hey wait! Where are you going? Come back!” Comments/Enlarge | See all







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When hairy bald guys do that thing where they grow a goatee, shave their heads, and then put sunglasses on top of them to simulate bangs it makes them look ashamed of themselves. When guys do the exact opposite of all those things it makes you proud to be a dude.
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KIDS FLICKS

Child Actors Review a Nightmare



Darwin’s Nightmare is a soul-shatteringly accurate documentary that depicts before your ralphing eyes the ways that people, cultures, civilization and the, um, Earth are ruined by the European Epicurean’s taste for the giant (cannibalistic) Nile perch found in Lake Victoria, Tanzania. Acres of rotting fish carcasses, Russian shipping planes that secretly bring weapons into Tanzania, teen prostitution, AIDS, and EU capitalistic arrogance all swirl together to murder any sad vestige of hope left for humanity. Tanzanians, who’ve lived off the lake and are now hoping for factory work making filets for rich Europeans, are left with only the maggot-infested perch carcasses to eat. Typical. We inflicted some of the most heart-stopping scenes upon a few of the most showstopping child performers in America. We wanted to, you know, glean a bit of naive wisdom from these talented tykes (and, perhaps, a little sliver of razzle-dazzle to go with their pizzazz-a-matazz).

THE WONDER SHOWZEN GUYS
Wonder Showzen: Season Two DVD will be in stores October 17.



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