COMING OUT IS A BITCH!

Pamela: I came out when I was 16, and I’m around 45 now. You just came out, right? How’d that go?

Amanda: I’m 13. At first I felt like everybody was abandoning me and everything. My best friend’s family had kind of taken me in. But when I came out they kind of just left me, and now they completely hate me. I have nobody to talk to. Three of my best friends left me and I only have one of my girlfriends left. 

So you’re feeling a little rejected by everybody.

Yeah. In the first two weeks after I came out, my grades dropped like three letter-grades because I didn’t do any work. I was too depressed. 

I was like the only one in my grade who came out for the whole year. And then after I did, more people started coming out a little bit.

How did that make you feel? 

Ugh. I don’t know. But I totally lost movement in my feet because of the stress that I was going through. 

No you didn’t!

I couldn’t move them at all. It was weird. I went to the doctor about it and she said it’s just from the stress. I’m stressed a lot. You know, I took a lot of crap from people at school. 

Do you have teachers there you can talk to?

Not really. Me, another girl in my grade, and a senior went to have a meeting with this group Queers and Allies with some teachers, because not all the teachers are accepting of us. Being gay used to be almost like against the rules.

I advise you to be cautious, especially with teachers. Take the road slowly, because you’re opening up a door and a lot of things are gonna fly in. You’re at a young age, and you can’t handle all those things by yourself.

I’ve been living the lifestyle for a long time. It’s just that now I wanted to finally come out.

What made you want to do that? What made you just say, “Hello, I’m a lesbian.”

I was tired of lying to people about who I was all the time. People just ask all these questions, you know? Like, “Who do you like? Who do you like?” Nobody—I don’t like anybody, you know? They were bugging me so much I just made up liking a guy. And then my friend got mad at me because it was the same guy she liked.

Oh, for God’s sake.

Yeah. So I was like, “I’m gonna cut the crap and just tell everybody.”

I remember when I first decided to come out. I told my older sister, and she was great. First thing she told me was, “I already know. And as long as you don’t hurt anybody and nobody hurts you, I’m OK with it.” But my middle sister never really wanted to talk about it. 

I’ve been there.

Because, you know, most of the time when people think about us they think about sex. And that’s just not what it’s all about. Your family’s gonna get to know that, too.

If somebody has a problem with me and if they’re harassing me and stuff, I’m gonna harass them back. Because me and my best friend have been in Tae Kwon Do for years, and a lot of people just start trying, like Jason McClane—oh my God I hate him. He’ll punch us and once, just on reflexes, I punched him back but really hard. And it was like, so bad. Good for you!

INTERVIEW BY PAMELA HALEY

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