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Drive-bys are for homos. This next generation of gangs has to take it back to the glory days of rumbles and “your girl” and chains and switchblades and all that real-man shit.
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Dude, old Jews bawl their eyes out every time you walk by. Eat a burger or put some pants on. [Click for video] Comments/Enlarge | See all

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HANNAH BROOKS

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Hey, it’s the hunchback of Hippydame dressed as a barf rainbow. Answer this, why do these disgusting hairy bastards with organic carrot juice in their cunts and wet Birkenstocks insist on walking up and down our city streets farting tofu farts all over the place? If you love Mother Earth so much go join her you smelly cow. Comments/Enlarge | See all

MATCHMAKER, MATCHMAKER

Make Me a Match - Take 2

Paloma and Reuben are both 14-years-old, in grade eight and pretty cool.

Earlier this year they dated for three months, although the first month was unofficial so it doesn’t really count.

Reuben dumped Paloma the day before his birthday. She thinks he’s an idiot for doing that. He admits she’s right.

I think they’re the perfect couple so I decided to take them out for a night and see if I could re-ignite the fire.

BY HANNAH BROOKS


So we get in a cab. They want to go to Vegie Bar even though neither are vegetarian.	The waiter says ‘Hi ladies’ and Reuben gets pissed cuz he’s clearly a boy, although he says it happens a lot.	Paloma tells Reuben he’s stupid for dumping her because she’s the best girl he’ll ever meet. Reuben looks embarrassed and can’t explain himself, but he does agree with her.


The ice cream shop is about to close so they run towards it like maniacs. The ice cream lady is mean and closes the door and refuses to let us in.	Walking down Brusnwick street, Reuben shows Paloma how tough he is.	We go to the Spanish Club so Paloma can show off her flamenco but it’s closed so she dances on the street.


Then jumps in Reuben’s arms.	I might not have been able to get them back together but they’re still best friends.	And they did get ice cream.

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