Cover photo by Jamie-James Medina
 VICE MAIL
Dubious About Gremlin, Beer Bait, End of Days, Feel the Darkness...
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  ROBOTRIP DOWN MEMORY LANE
The Highs of YesteryearSuffocating yourself to get high is a good time when you're 12, but that's just because you have no drug points of reference against which to compare the quality of "feeling floaty." Do the age-old kid highs hold a candle to the things that we lucky adults get to do whenever we like? Savory and wond...
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 PERV HUNTERS
Xavier von Erck is the founder of Perverted-Justice.com. They're those guys who put together the Dateline specials where they pretend to be 13-year-old girls online, invite old guys who proposition them on the internet over to their "mom's house," then sit back as anchorman Chris Hansen stops...
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 GAYS, STRAIGHT UP!
An Elder Statesgay and a Newly-Out Young Man Talk Shop...Billy: Can you tell me a little about yourself?
Octavius: I'm 14 and I'm going into the ninth grade. I have a brother who's older. I'm adopted.
What does the term "gay" mean to you?...
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 COMING OUT IS A BITCH!
An Elder Statesdyke and a Newly-Out Lesbian Talk Shop...Pamela: I came out when I was 16, and I'm around 45 now. You just came out, right? How'd that go?
Amanda: I'm 13. At first I felt like everybody was abandoning me and everything. My best friend's family had kind of taken me in. But when I came out they kind of just left me, an...
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 HIGH SCHOOL CONFIDENTIAL
Kids' Cliques Then and NowAt least once a year, someone like Time or Newsweek does a feature about, "What's up with teenagers, anyway?" They always wind up asking kids a load of horseshit questions like, "Do you think you have enough free time?" or "Are you worried about college?" They never get to the stuff that matters lik...
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 TIDBITS
A monthly look at things we love - v13n9MULTICUTURAL DOUGH
If you've ever seen a tanned kid crying during kindergarten, odds are it's because he is unable to perfectly match his skin tone to whatever piece of shit blob he happened to smush together that morning. If you've ever seen a tanned kid dry his eyes and start to laugh ...
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 NEW YORK KIDS
What I Did This SummerAnthony Long, 17
Best thing about New York in the summer: "Chinatown is ours after dark."
Home: Queens...
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 MATCHMAKER, MATCHMAKER
Make Me a MatchWe set up a blind date between Zata and Sidney, two 13-year-olds that live in New York City. Zata is a skater I know from skating at Tompkins Square Park and Sidney is originally from London. I chaperoned and paid the tab....
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 ANIMATED GHETTO
Tees for Grown-Up KidsSort of like abortion, thugging out your favorite cartoon character and putting the bootleg on a size XXXXL t-shirt used to be a tricky business. Due to the iron grasp with which Warner Brothers and the other pillars of kids' TV held onto their licenses, the only people you could count on to carry o...
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 VICE RECOMMENDS
Right now, I'm really liking laid-back hip-hop from the dirty south–the kind of stuff you could almost imagine people dancing to while lying flat on their back. They wouldn't exactly be dancing though, more just gyrating their hips very, very slowly. One of my number one jams right now is Young Dro'...
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 DANCE, DANCE, REVOLUTION!
JammX Gonna Make You SweatAre you down with the JammX? Um, they're only about to take over the entire kidz music scene. Formed by Full House producer Merv Adelson and fronted by wise-crackin' ten-year-old Bobb'e J (who moonlights as a judge on America's Most Talented Kids), this nine-member multi-culti hip-hop sensation is m...
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 KIDS FLICKS
Child Actors Review a NightmareDarwin's Nightmare is a soul-shatteringly accurate documentary that depicts before your ralphing eyes the ways that people, cultures, civilization and the, um, Earth are ruined by the European Epicurean's taste for the giant (cannibalistic) Nile perch found in Lake Victoria, Tanzania. Acres of rotti...
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 HAIRY PIZZAS
Interview With My Mast-o-DadHello, my dad is Troy Sanders from Mastodon. Here I have interviewed him for Vice Magazine.
Vice AKA Me: Dad. Why is the band called Mastodon?
Troy: We wanted to find a good way to describe a horde of hideous yet peaceful beasts. Our first choice for the band name was...
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 TOURETTES SUX
But It's Great for Finding Guinea PigsRemember when you were a kid and the teacher made you name birds on a poster in front of the whole class and one of them was called Bearded Tit, and ever since that day you were "tit girl?" Now imagine that, but instead you yelled "motherfucker," and instead of blushing you started compulsively repe...
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 LITERARY / I WANT MY DVDS
Windy City Heat, Koko: A Talking Gorilla, Harlan County, USA, Olivier's Shakespeare, The Tomorrow Show: Tom Snyder's Electric Kool-Aid Talk ShowWindy City Heat
Comedy Central
What is the funniest thing in the world? How about cruelty? How about a 12-year prank funded by Jimmy Kimmel where an innocent boob hell-bent on fame is tortured again and again like a delirious donkey with a carrot-flavored carrot stuck to his for...
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 WORKING IT OUT
Jews and Arabs At PlayHey kids! In case you live in a cave, you already know that Jews hate Muslims and Muslims hate Jews and the whole planet is probably going to implode in a black puff of dust because these fucking guys can't just suck it up and shake hands....
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 THE BARMI ARMY
Ricky Becomes A ManI don't have very fond memories of Bar Mitzvahs. When I had my ceremonial reading of the Torah (bible) in synagogue, I freaked out and completely lost my voice. Ten years later, at my younger brother's Bar Mitzvah party, I lost hold of him during a traditional dance manoeuvre (a more complicated var...
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 ELECTRIC INDEPENDENCE
This issue, Electric Independence picked the brain of our guest critic, Jacob Poznanski. He's ten years old and lives in Stamford, a picturesque town in Lincolnshire, not far from Peterborough. We sent him a CD with the tracks on that we wanted to ask him about, and enclosed with it a sheet of paper...
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 LONDON KIDS
What I Did This SummerKadeem Rhyeon-Little, 10
Best thing about London in the summer? "I can ride my bike around the park and play all day because I don't have to go to school."...
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 THE GIRLS OF STAMFORD HOUSE
Love BoysI spent six months hanging out with, talking to and taking pictures together with a varying group of girls between 11 and 18 at the juvenile detention centre Stamford House in London. It's a secure unit for young offenders and you'll only end up there if your crime is somewhat brutal–penalties start...
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 P.O.P. MACHINE
Peter, Bjorn and John are HeadbangersI got to interview the band Peter, Bjorn and John. They were nice and kind, and I think that their music sounds like rock, but it's not really rock all the way. Their music sounds a bit Chinese too, but I still like them.
Vice: What are your favourite foods, and who were your favourite s...
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 VICE LECTURES FOR KIDS
A Series About Stuff!Hey kids,
Ever wonder what will be happening four years from now? Ugh–high school! How about 40 years from now? Ugh–apocalypse, riots, and computers ruling humankind as if we were their toys!...
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 AXES OF EVIL
Black ChristmasMy name is Hampus and I'm 9 years old. I was the "little guy" people have been talking about who got Jon from Dissection's guitar at the Midsummer Massacre!
Here's the story: Me and my dad and a couple of people went to Stockholm by bus to see the last ever concert of Dissection. I had list...
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 SLAVERY'S BACK!
Only Cuter...In Bucharest, you can buy a young girl for 8,000 euros. I mean buy them as in you own them forever or until you sell them to someone else. Most of them are sold by their parents in Moldova when they are little children. As soon as they're bought, the owner brands them. This is normally a tattoo of h...
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 SHINY GRILLS
Chamillionaire & The Tooth FairyRappers are just big kids, right? They dress in those enormous, oversized T-shirts and baggy trousers like little children wearing their dad's clothes. They're also fussy eaters, just like young children who are yet to fully explore the wonderment and joy that a veritable cornucopia of different fla...
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 TONS OF FUN
Sumo Kids Chow DownI just went to the grand Sumo championships in Tokyo. It was heavy.
In the annual Wanpaku Sumo Tournament, which is the youngsters' division, kids from ages 7 to 12 took part to determine who's the toughest fat boy in the land. They come from all over Japan, plumped and pumped mentally and ...
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 BACK TO SCHOOL
What I Did This SummerSara, 15
Who I admire in life: My mum, because she never gets tired.
What I want to be when I grow up: I want to become a journalist, like my sister....
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 JOKES FOR KIDS
Are Supposed To Be Fun!Joke shops are paradise! In amongst the edible underwear, penis-shaped lighters, and wind-up models of dogs having sex with women, there are tons of brightly colored, cutely packaged instruments of sabotage and vandalism that promise children not only fun, but REVENGE....
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 VICE FASHION - IDEAL KIDS
We asked seven kids how they would style themselves and each other–girls got to do boys, and boys got to do girls–and our favourite stylist Lisa helped them put it together. We figured it would give us fashion input and ideas so nutty and unheard of they would make Bernhard Wilhelm and Raf Simons go...
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 MATCHMAKER, MATCHMAKER
Make Me a Match - Take 2Paloma and Reuben are both 14-years-old, in grade eight and pretty cool.
Earlier this year they dated for three months, although the first month was unofficial so it doesn't really count....
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 MY DAD SIGNS BANDS
His New One Is The ViewOnce my Dad came home with a CD and he was like: "Listen to this!" We listened to it and it was really, really good.
I wanted to hear it again, have the CD, meet them and see them live. They were better than the Arctic Monkeys. The drumming and the guitars were great. It was great....
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 GAMES
Scarface, Saints Row, B-BoyScarface
(Vivendi)
Genre: Gangster Film Adaptation
Platform: PS2
Kid-Play-Ability: 7
In this game you play Scarface who is a gangster that wears an orange shirt and white trousers. ...
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 ANTI-SOCIAL
Living With ASBOsAn ASBO is an Anti-Social Behaviour Order given out to people who are always mucking about and getting in bother with the pigs.
Because kids are always messing around in the street when their families are dahn the pab, Britain's youngsters are being handed out ASBOs by the rozzers faster th...
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 TV EYE
My Relatives in LebanonI've never been in a war before, but I was told this was the worst war that Lebanon has ever been in. People have lost their lives, their homes, their villages. Some of my relatives' houses have been completely destroyed. We called them and tried to get in touch, but it was hard....
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 KIDS IN TOYLAND
A Then vs. Now Toy ShowdownIf your parents were hippies, chances are you were only allowed to play with stuff you built yourself, or found in the woods. But if you had at least one corporate kid in your class you'll know that there was some good shit out there too. Like, remember Game & Watch? How addictive were those games? ...
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 RECORDS
Music Reviews - v13n9Mika Miko
C.Y.S.L.A.B.F.
Kill Rock Stars
Kathryn: This sounds crazy!
Would you listen to this?...
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