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Jesus Christ, just fucking drop the beer and punch him already. If you think any bit of your 13-minute lecture on personal space is registering in his brain, then frankly you deserve to have an indoor soccer player on ketamine grinding your leg for the rest of the show. Comments/Enlarge | See all


OK, here's the plan. Instead of embarrassing your wife and kids by growing a ponytail and driving around in a PT Cruiser with your shirt unbuttoned, you are going to focus all your mid-life crisis energy into hunting down reasonable facsimiles of all the girls you never got to fuck in high school. First on the docket: That older girl at punk shows with whatever-the-hell-her- zine-was-called. Comments/Enlarge | See all






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Photo by the author

FUCK KATRINA

DJ Chicken Does Dallas

Published April, 2006


Hurricane Katrina was a total disaster and everything but for some of the people of New Orleans’ projects, who are used to dodging bullets while slanging yay and shocking out to jittery 808 beats and O.T.T. synth-driven hip-hop, Katrina was nothing. In fact, the misfortune has helped the local bounce music scene spread to places it wouldn’t normally be heard. When the ghetto was dismantled and its occupants uprooted and shipped to places like Atlanta, Arkansas and beyond, they took the music with them. We met up with DJ Chicken, formerly of New Orleans’ run-down 9th Ward, now forced to go about his hustle in Dallas after losing his car, his house and all of his records.

Vice: What was New Orleans like before Katrina?

DJ Chicken:
Man, before Katrina, we had block parties every day—you set up a speaker on the corner and hundreds came out. I DJed parties for people dying, someone going to jail, somebody getting out of jail, I DJed for hustlers so they could hustle on the corner. Not any more though. I seen a girl get hit [by a bullet] holding her baby. She layin’ on the ground dead. That was it for me as far as DJing block parties. The funny thing is, that block party was to get the crowd back to a club where somebody had got their head banged up with their brains all over the floor. I had to step over him with my shit to get outta that bitch.

How’s life in Dallas?

Hell, they ain’t got no block parties and shit goin’ in Dallas. If you hangin’ outside, the fuckin’ police comin’ for you. At first nobody wanna hear no bounce music and shit all day in Dallas, but now they gotta cater to the new people comin’ to the clubs and that’s mostly our people. New Orleans people are fuckin’ persistent—they gonna keep comin’ to you until you play their fucking song. As soon as you hear dat bounce beat, you feelin’ it.

So Chicken, what do you know about Russia?

Russia? Erm…weapons. The fuckin’ AK47, ya heard me? Niggas got all kinds of guns—they got 9mms, glocks, sawn-offs, whatever. I know niggas that got grenades, but the AK47 is the gun of choice here. You pull that out you ain’t gotta shoot it—just the fact that you got that bitch, nigga know you ain’t playin’. Ya know what I’m sayin’?

Kind of. Thanks.

CLARENCE STATELY-HOLMES
DJ Chicken’s 504 Radio Vol. 3 is out now. Look out for his remix of Jammer’s “Murkle Man” as well as a live collaboration with various grime MCs at the Old Blue Last in May.

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Comments

Anonymous, on Nov 5, 2009 wrote:
i love u promise iloved u always
Anonymous, on Jun 30, 2009 wrote:
I was born and raised in New Orleans, and lost everything when the levees failed due to the gross negligence of the army corps of engineers. Despite the near decimation of our city (by the way, one of the oldest in the US and home to a vital American port), we have to deal with this kind of bizarre north-south sibling rivalry? Come on!

I was offended by the vitriolic attacks on, basically, anyone who happens to live below the mason dixon line, but I find it even more painful to read the anti-Semitic attacks that followed from, we can only hope, a couple of crazies trying pitifully to defend themselves. Not that that is an excuse.

Whether we like it or not, we live in the United States; each state is equally important and every person in this country needs to remember that.


Oh and by the way, despite my inferior southern brain, I just received my JD at Tulane Law, a top 50 school.
Anonymous, on Nov 18, 2008 wrote:
If only they had died in New Orleans, The delayed rescue response was the one and only thing I agreed with W. about.

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