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SLIMMING DOWN

Anorexia Ain't No Thang



Anorexia’s not as hard as you think, you just have to get on the train. I know because I didn’t eat for ten days and I feel great. Not only that, but I lost the weight.

DAY ONE: By 1 PM I feel like I am walking on undulating ground. I am ALREADY starving, so there is no way I’ll make it. There is a handful of rice in the sink from yesterday and it has a delectable aroma.

DAY TWO: I dream Cambodians are slicing gore off a floating corpse. I almost faint when I get out of bed. My breath tastes like old guy and my tongue is white. When I leave a party in a neighborhood I know well, I get literally lost in literal fog for half an hour.

DAY THREE: I spend the entire day watching movies and grooming myself. I also clean my apartment. I am not a messy person, so this amounts to organizing my herbal teas. People call to invite me out but I don’t answer the phone because I am afraid I will have another episode. Oh, I didn’t tell you. Last night when a bouncer yelled at me, I cried.

DAY FOUR: I get four more movies. I’m not hungry anymore. Tingles of pleasure move in clouds up and down my body, through my chest and up into my head. I am soooooooo blissed out.

DAYS FIVE TO SEVEN: I am unflappable. People can say or do whatever they want and it’s like: [Here I am making a face like I am a mannequin and you can’t faze me]. I am really fucking thin too, and rosy like a newborn babe.

I switch into a pair of wool pants I had tailored when I was 18. I notice all the flaws in the bodies of the girls I work with. Even the skinny ones have thick rib cages or boxy asses. Ew. Why would they eat?

DAY EIGHT: OK, fuck this. I am going to die. I look like shit. My boss wrote “for God’s sake” in an email and I screamed, at the top of my lungs, “You asshole!”

I am falling apart. Please, I so hungwee. Pleese… I need some-theen to ate. Aything would hep.

DAY NINE: I stay home from work because I am not cool for work right now. I walk three miles. I try on some clothes. I’m less fat than I was, but I need to lose 20 pounds, at least. I buy a scale. I have lost 14 pounds. Shit. I’m gonna stay anorexic.

DAY TEN: When midnight strikes I ream six oranges and drink the juice while standing. I suck the pulp off the reamer. Before going to bed, I’ve had 20 oranges. My ass is spreading. Anorexia is cool and everything, but I got to eat, y’all. I be hongry!

CASEY KITCHENS

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Comments

Anonymous, on Nov 19, 2009 wrote:
this shyt is hilarious..it’s 1 am and i laughed so loud i think i woke up my roommate...yowza, This is the point ;)
Anonymous, on Nov 19, 2009 wrote:
this shyt is hilarious it’s 1 am and I laughed so loud I was afraid i woke my roommate..yowza
Anonymous, on Nov 19, 2009 wrote:
this shyt is hilarious it’s 1 am and I laughed so loud I was afraid i woke my roommate..yowza
Anonymous, on Oct 18, 2009 wrote:
what the heck, well written humour, i can see that there is more to this subject and that it goes deeper. I’ve been on a diet for 20 years and have lost 3 grams, only because i shaved my beard!!
Anonymous, on Aug 13, 2009 wrote:
I do agree with the person below me. There’s no reason to get really worked up over an article like this. It clearly wasn’t written seriously, so there’s no need to take it seriously. But anorexia IS so much more than "wanting to be thin." It’s a severe mental health disorder (with one of the highest death rates and lowest recovery rates) that stems from things much deeper than, and basically unrelated to, wanting to be thin (such as a history of sexual or physical trauma/abuse). It’s almost alway a co-morbid condition, commonly coupled with things like depression, OCD, or bipolar disorder. Thinking that it’s an issue of vanity or dieting is ignorant and counter-productive.
Anonymous, on Aug 13, 2009 wrote:
Come on guys, why do you have to be so viscous abut this article? I mean, really! All you anorexic girls going on about how the author doesn’t understand what anorexia’s ’about’, ’what it’s like’. Am I missing something? But since when has anorexia ever been anything but a strong desire to be thin? Stop taking yourselves so seriously! There’s nothing ’controversial’ or ’disgusting’ about this article, it’s just exploring the life a little.

If you have an eating disorder, or are a ’proper’ anorexic, I feel for you, I really do, but stop all your damn ’holier than thou’ comments- I think you’ve missed the point.
Anonymous, on Jun 27, 2009 wrote:
hhahahaha so true

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