|
|
 |
|
Photos by Chris Glancy, prop styling by Amy Henry.
Chris McNally did the drawing for the envelope this issue came in.
|
 TIDBITSA monthly look at things we love - v13n3MATCHING UNDERWEAR
A few weeks ago we were laughing at our buddy Ryan for claiming that ever since he started wearing matching tighty-whities and T-shirts he can't stop getting laid. Then we told our girlfriends and they were all, "That sounds kind of hot actually." Try it. It's weird. I... | |
|
  THE BEST OF BLIGHTYA Full English BreakfastThank heavens for the great Full English Breakfast. A staple in the daily diet of everybody from the common laborer to the loftiest Lord in the House! Never mind that half of it tastes like the floor of an abattoir and it's likely to have you dying of heart disease! It's breakfast, and it's ours. Sa... | |
|
 ILLEGALIZE IT!My Least Fave FoodsApples should be illegal. What a terrible food. They never satisfy your hunger and they make way too much noise. Have you ever heard someone bite into an apple? It's disgusting. It sounds like a tree is falling inside someone's skull. Also, people look smug when they eat an apple. Like, "Ah, you kno... | |
|
 FUCK FOODScrew What You EatWhen I was in junior high, I stuck a hot dog up my vagina. It broke in half while it was up there. I almost had a heart attack until it just dropped out when I squatted. You should have seen it hit the bathroom floor. Anyway, I vowed never to stick anything up there again. But that was years ago and... | |
|
 CHILDREN OF THE CORNMichael Pollan Hunts and GathersMichael Pollan is one of the foremost food and plant experts in America. He wrote The Botany of Desire a few years ago, he teaches about food, plants, and biodiversity at the University of California, Berkeley, and he just finished a new book called The Omnivore's Dilemma. It's about eating in the s... | |
|
 EATING AN ENTIRE COWTakes For-fucking-everEver notice how people always talk about Indians using every part of the buffalo like it's some mark of their harmonious relationship with the earth and not just a symptom of their culture constantly being on the brink of starvation? We're supposed to feel like spoiled assholes just because, after d... | |
|
 KEEP IT SIMPLEKitchen Basics by Fancy ChefsIt would be nice to know how to whip up braised short ribs with almondine rémoulade and country greens strained through champagne and drizzled with truffle oil, or something like that. But look deep inside yourself. Is that really tastier than a BLT? Or spaghetti? Or just fucking toast? What beats s... | |
|
 EAT SHIT...And Deer Penises, and Entire PrimatesStop the presses. "This just in: Weird shit eaten in Asia!" an editor cried, reacting to more coverage of fried-tarantula consumption coming over the wires. We're at the office of The Cambodia Daily, a former cathouse given to disrepair and the odd insect plague. The story is evergreen-greasy spider... | |
|
 BABY-CUEPlacenta Served Two WaysEating a human placenta is harder than you might imagine. First off, they are difficult to trap. Growing up in the hippie mecca of Austin, Texas, one heard about earth-mother types planting their infants' placentas under trees and even grinding them up into smoothies. It seemed like no big deal. So ... | |
|
 BRAISED PUPPY WITH ASSORTED GREENSA Recipe from Vice to YouServes 4 to 6
Time: 15 minutes preparation, 1 1/2 hours cooking
OK, let's get this out of the way: It's illegal to kill, cook, and serve dogs-even in Hong Kong, capital of "exotic" cuisines of the world. Recently California even passed a law that makes it illegal to prepare, sel... | |
|
 SLIMMING DOWNAnorexia Ain't No ThangAnorexia's not as hard as you think, you just have to get on the train. I know because I didn't eat for ten days and I feel great. Not only that, but I lost the weight.... | |
|
 FAT CAMP MEM'RIESHell in the CatskillsWhen I was 14 I went to fat camp. It was completely voluntary. The only problem was that I wanted to go to Camp Shane, a famous fat camp in the Catskills that has a great reputation. They have specialized counselors and scheduled activities meant to simulate something resembling fun. It's just like ... | |
|
 WATCH WHAT YOU EATKids Don't Know What's Good for ThemWe got renowned dietitian and nutritionist Keecha Harris to take a look at Thomas and Melissa's (both are 22 years of age) diets for two days and tell us just how gross their insides must be.
Both Melissa and Thomas have high-caffeine, high-fat, high-sodium diets that don't include m... | |
|
 BULIMI-ANIA!I Spent a Week BarfingBulimia's fucked up. I just spent a week doing it to see what it's like, and I don't understand how those bitches survive.
For seven days, I felt like I was a second away from fainting, and I mostly did eating-disorder-related activities such as lying in bed and complaining, calling my frie... | |
|
 WHOSE FARTS SMELL WORSE?Carnivores or Herbivores?We hired a male model from the internet and got two girls who work in porn to fart on his face twice. They did this once while wearing jeans and once while wearing skimpy porno underwear.
After he'd received the double blast, our model, a 24-year-old named Dave, would attempt to deduce whic... | |
|
 EAT ITFirst Nation Pig OutFirst Nation is Melissa, Nina, and Kate. They've been jamming out together on some far-out vibes for about two years now. The culmination of said jamming will be a jamtastic album out on Animal Collective's label, Paw Tracks, in the very near future. In the meantime, they've been touring with the Co... | |
|
 STRANGE FROOTSStarving Weirdos Go Hungry No MoreBrian Pyle and Merrick McKilay's creeping wheezes and flushes of dense, blissed-out drone and scrape have been crafted over the past seven years in bedrooms and bunkers around Humboldt, California. Their work has resulted in a slew of never-released albums chock-full of mesmerizing free rock and amb... | |
|
 FISH AND GRITSGhostface Chows DownWhat more could be said about Ghostface at this point? The guy epitomizes every single thing this magazine stands for. His musical contributions are unsung, yet unmatched. He's single-handedly responsible for the soul sampling that made Kanye famous, the emo raps that became Jay-Z's blueprint, and t... | |
|
 NATIONAL FRONT SOUP KITCHENAll White on the NightRoger Bonnivard runs a bird shop in a popular paris neighbourhood. Roger loves his pets, and he also loves people. He was a militant for the MNR (National Front dissident party) when he founded the SDF association. SDF is the French acronym for "homeless" but for Roger and his wife Odile it means "S... | |
|
 SUPERMARKET SWEETDamn Arms Go Nuts for TescoMelbourne's greasy electro-punk geeks Damn Arms are the latest in a deluge of bands to arrive in the UK from Down Under who look set to put Aussie rock right back on the international rock map (Jet were a joke, right?). Back home, where it's sunny, cheap to live, the food's incredible and everyone's... | |
|
 THE LAST SUPPERScorcher Cooks Up Class A ChickenI was having dinner with my estate agent the other night and we got talking about the glory days of property relocation, when influential young media types were flocking to East London and Foxtons commanded a fleet of pimped-out Minis. This seemed to coincide with every broadsheet claiming that E3's... | |
|
 INSTANT RAZOR BLADE MASHThe Television Personalities Don't Like PorridgeDaniel Treacy has been missing in action for a while. Back in the 70s and 80s, his group The Television Personalities wrote classic, funny songs like "Part Time Punks" and "I Know Where Syd Barrett Lives", but the past few years of homelessness and drug addiction haven't been quite so kind to him. A... | |
|
 HATE CUISINEErrors and Their Label Boss Go GourmetFor all their fancy gigs at the Albert Hall, Mogwai also do a pretty good job at grassroots A&R-ing with their Rock Action label. A few years ago they had this great band from Liverpool called Kling Klang that sounded like Kraftwerk and Goblin. Now Mogwai's Stuart Braithwaite is championing this new... | |
|
 EAT VEGEMITE?You Must Be Kidding!Within 24 hours of landing in Australia, I heard the word "multicultural" more times than I'd cumulatively heard it in my entire life. This is hilarious to me, since nineteen out of twenty o' you melanoma-cases-in-waiting are of bone-white Euro ancestry. Why is it that the whitest places are always ... | |
|
 WIENERMOBILE OF THE PEOPLEFrom the Archives of ViceAmerica, in 1936, was well on its way to becoming a country with a whole lot of time on its hands and, frankly, God bless them for it. In 1996, a young lad with a whole lot of time on his hands (me) drove by one of America's foremost cultural reference points, the Wienermobile, provoking a reaction ... | |
|
 BUSH EATINGTucking in OutbackAs Jim Goad Pointed out in "Eat Vegemite?" there does appear to be only one Australian bush food restaurant in the world and when they re-opened after Christmas, we went to speak to Caroline, the owner, who hails from the Boonerwrung clan, because she's an expert on this kind of thing.... | |
|
 MEAT WHIPLASHExtreme Uruguay BBQMy friend's dad is a refugee from Uruguay, but since things got better there after the military dictatorship ended, it's become totally OK to visit and hang out there again. The sweetest thing he remembers from back then are the meat parties that they used to throw. They've been doing them for as lo... | |
|
 TRANSILVANIAN HUNGERBlack Metal Goes VeganI'm on a mailing list that deals a lot with Iranian National Socialist Black Metal blogs in Persian, and with whether you should rather kill yourself or murder other people. I'm not sure how I got on it, but now that I am, I'm sort of trying to get with it. What really threw me was when the other da... | |
|
 WILD BERRIESGossip Like Laffy TaffyGossip might be one of the best reasons to get fat. Partly because you're going to need the energy that the extra body fat provides when you go moshing to their utterly energetic, riot-y, bluesrockdisco, and partly because you'll fall in love with them in that way where it's so intense you spend all... | |
|
 RECORDSMusic Reviews - v13n3On Top Of Our Game
So So Def
It's called snap music and it's the new Casio craze out of Atlanta. The beats are retarded, the lyrics are ridiculous, the song topics range from laffy taffy to white t-shirts and I love every minute of it. Next to blow are Trap Squad, with their bri... | |
|
 LITERARY / I WANT MY DVDSHateland, Women Who Deserve To Go To Hell, Slip N Slide Records , FactotumHateland
Bernard O'Mahoney
Future Books
Some of the worst books ever written are those by "former" gangsters or football hooligans about their shitty, pointless lives. Ghostwritten by alcoholic staff ... | |
|
 VICE FASHION - SAUSAGE EATING CONTESTOfficially sausages are made from a mixture of beef and pork with fancy herbs. What's not on the packets are; Sodium Nitrate which gives you cancer or the 'casings' that are made out of pigs' intestines. There's also something called Yellow 6 which makes your wiener look a delicious shade of golden ... | |
|
 COFFEE AND DOUGHNUTSGrabbing lunch every day on a cop's salary (STARTS at $34,970) is not easy, especially in New York City. Remember all those transit workers who went on strike? Half of them make more than us. And no, we don't eat for free. You see, the NYPD is convinced that a free cup of coffee is a slippery slope,... | |
|
 GAMESGuitar Hero, State of Emergency, 25 to LifeGuitar Hero
Red Octane
Oh, hello there, best game that I have ever played in my entire life.
I've just spent the past three days kneeling on my bed, staring at the screen, and frantically banging my head as I "shredded" my way through such venerable ... | |
|
 STEAK AS FUCK YOUBon vivant/savant genius Chris Lombardi and I recently ate preposterous and stupefying steak in Tokyo. The restaurant, Aragawa, is on the basement floor of an unassuming late-60s apartment building. There's just a tiny food court with two pretty sad-looking restaurants. ... | |
|
 GRIMEWATCHWhen we're not scouring message boards for mentions of Vice or posting MP3s on the RWD forum, we here at Grimewatch keep busy surfing Rupert Murdoch's proverbial slut-fest, MySpace. ... | |
|
 VICE FASHION - STILL HUNGRYBangladesh is a small country located just below India that somehow manages to exist as one of the world's poorest, most densely populated and least developed countries in South-East Asia. As the son of a doctor who specialised in tropical medicine, I spent most of my youth there, surrounded by slum... | |
|
 SOUP KITCHEN REVIEWSThree Homeless Men in LondonBAPTIST CHURCH, KING'S CROSS: To be honest, I don't think the kitchen is being run properly. I try to tell them subtly but do they listen? No. I try to tell them in a non-aggressive way. Sometimes you feel the portions are a bit small, and a bit of bacon wouldn't hurt either. And you don't ba... | |
|
 GROSS JARA little over a year ago, we ran an article in which we pitted a friend of ours against some cockroaches (it ended with several of their heads in his mouth-remember?). To make it somewhat of a fair fight we ordered a bunch of these enormous hissing buggers from Madagascar that cling onto your hands ... | |
|
 I'M BUSTEDBreakfast in the Feds is served from 6 AM to 7 AM and ranges from coffee cake to pancakes to bear claws to egg-and-cheese bagels to cinnamon rolls to waffles. The morning meals are pretty light, served continental-style with a piece of fruit, coffee, and milk. Nothing fancy or extravagant. The fruit... | |
|
 EATING THEIR WORDSLiars Stuff Their FacesWhen you're the eight-foot tall singer in the Liars with a tendency towards manic on-stage behaviour, you tend to burn a lot of energy and get really hungry. When, on top of this, you enjoy the odd pipe, it can get to the point of wanting to eat an entire cow-no matter how long it takes. The extent ... | |
|
 SKINEMASee that brunette in the upper left named Lanny Barbie? She bares a striking resemblance to a friend of mine named Sarah from Maui. I think it might be the eyes. My wife will probably disagree with me. She always does when it comes to me pointing out look-alikes. She says that I'm going blind. So ma... | |
|
 ELECTRIC INDEPENDENCEOne Monday morning a few weeks ago I awoke to discover that my flatmate had returned from another three-day rave bender with a handful of people he'd collected at various after-hours parties along the way. They were all in a state of extreme refreshment-gurning, parched-mouth stuttering, overly poli... | |
|
 DOOMS DAY METALA week or so ago, Satan decided to spew his hatred over Linköping, Sweden. And he sure wasn't the only one...
People from the cursed cities of Gothenburg, Stockholm, London, Leeds and Dals Långed had come to see the only Watain concert in Sweden this year. The night reeked of darkness-relia... | |
|
 VICE MAILLet's get this out of the way right now. The last issue, known to you as the Verdad Issue, was... hmm, about 95 percent total and utter fucking bullshit that we pulled out of our asses. Lies, plain and simple. Above, you can see the two main pages of our mock-up for that issue. That's where all the ... | |
|
 SARDINIAN CHEESE"We Don't Throw Nothing Out"You don't know from cheese until you get on a plane, fly over to Sardinia, and eat this su gallu stuff. So what if it's illegal? Honestly, who the fuck are you, Mr. European-Union-World-Police-Guy, to tell me what I can or can't eat?
Luckily we know some real Sardinians (these people are fa... | |
|
 BAG OF SHITEPicking Up Litter On The Number 76Our UK intern Jack smells funny. It's not because he doesn't shower or anything, it's because he rides one of the dirtiest buses in the whole of London every day, sharing his journey to work with gangs of 14-year-old school kids from Hackney.
Ah, the lovely 76 bus. There are ankle-deep pile... | |
|
 THIN CHICKSHow To Spot A Secret AnorexicNot all girls that have anorexia or bulimia look like a stick figure with the faintest ghosts of tits. Some of them just look a bit skinny and act kind of squirrelly. This is because they spend 24 hours a day hiding their problem from you. They're just like cokeheads in that they will come up with d... | |
|
 EAT DIRTYour Cravings Can Kill YouWhat was your New Year's resolution this year-to cut down on chocolate? Big deal! Some poor souls had to resolve to stop eating stuff like dirt, glue, and paint.
While most of us grew out of the "eating random things off the floor" phase when we were approximately three, some people just ca... | |
|
 TRASHPICKIN'Eating for Free is EasyBack when I was the only poor kid at a rich school, I would spend my midday breaks looking for the pricey cookies other kids had left lying around the huge athletic stadium we used as a playground. You got punished for leaving your shit lying around of course, so I didn't usually find much except fo... | |
|
 HEROIN CUISINEThe Origin Of The Deep Fried Mars BarThe commonly accepted birthplace of the sinfully delicious deep-fried Mars Bar is Stonehaven Scotland, near Aberdeen. In other words: hell. Parts of Scotland have the highest incidence of heart disease, cancer, strokes, and the lowest life expectancy in the developed world. Is this at all traceable ... | |
|
 I WAS FATThen I Got A Lap-BandThree years ago I had a Laparoscopic Gastric Banding, or Lap-Band for short. Basically, it's a plastic band placed around the top part of my stomach. Inside the band is a tube that can be made bigger or smaller, allowing me to either eat more or less. I have a "port" right under my skin, outside of ... | |
|
 GONE HUNTINGKids and GunsScandinavian parents take their kids hunting all the time. You're not allowed to shoot anything until you're 15, so it's mainly just sitting in the forest watching men with guns, and that's already the only thing you ever do if you're from the Nordic forest regions. But after they kill some stuff yo... | |
|
|
 |
