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And the winner of this year’s San Francisco Dry-Heave Invitational is: Girl who laced ribbon through the surface piercings on her back and tied it together like a corset then let the whole thing sit until the holes were runny and swollen. Comments/Enlarge | See all



How much of a better trip would it be if you bought your drugs off this guy rather than some fat college kid who doesn’t even bother looking up from his Xbox? Comments/Enlarge | See all







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SETH FERRANTI
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I'M BUSTED
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Why is everyone into rap also into wearing paper thin doll drawers that are so droopy the only thing the pockets can handle is a wispy yellow doo rag?
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I'M BUSTED



Seth and his wife, Diane

On August 28, 1999, the Bureau of Prisons adopted the Ensign Amendment, putting in place statutory restrictions requiring return of commercially published information or material that is sexually explicit or features nudity. That meant no more Hustler, Playboy, Club, or Swank. Now convicts are figuring out new visual aids to j/o to on compounds across the nation. Say hello to doll porn.

“They took all the girlie magazines, so what’s a nigga to do?” says one convict in FCI Gilmer, West Virginia. “I mean, fuck, we ain’t gumps, you know what I’m saying? We trying to look at some women. We trying to see some female sex acts.”

“I didn’t see no doll porn until like, 2002,” says Murder, another prisoner. “When I first saw that shit I was like, ‘What the fuck is this?’ But then, when I looked at a bunch of them joints my homie had, it was all good.” Slowly but surely doll porn spread throughout the system. Where once prisoners relieved tensions with the latest skin mag, now they are doing their thing while viewing doll porn photos.

“Some of them Barbie chicks are vicious,” says T-Rock. “They even got a Vida doll with that big fat ass and everything.”

“I like the Angelina Jolie one with the big pouty lips. Tomb Raider, son,” Murder chimes in sheepishly.

“As long as I gets my nut, I don’t give a fuck,” Says D-Mac. “I gots my black Barbie photos, my Asian Barbie joints… My stable be full. I be renting them joints out. I be selling them for ten stamps a pop. Shit, I be renting them for a stamp a night. Dudes be trying to get theirs.” And the underground contraband market is flooded with doll porn. Prisoners trade them like baseball cards.

“I traded Barbie and Ken doing their thing for a photo of an original 1960s vintage Barbie,” says convict Miami. “Of course she was butt naked.”

SETH FERRANTI

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