Well, it finally happened. Women got as horny as us. All it took was five years of dry humping in high school, one or two boyfriends in college, a failed career, three giant kids, and a divorce. Now they’re so horny they’re willing to pay for it. Nice timing, God. Comments/Enlarge |
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All those people whining about how the new Indiana Jones or Ninja Turtles is “raping their childhood” have no idea how that actually feels.Comments/Enlarge |
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GROSS JAR A lot of times when people bring up the G...
We’ve been getting a lot of shit recently for putting Asian chicks in the DOs. Sorry. Are we supposed to let this glide by without doing anything? Maybe they just care more about how they look. Comments/Enlarge |
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DOS & DON'TS
After years of getting bullied by the French, English Montrealers are shoving the Quebec flag up their asses and taking to the streets. It’s the most political fashion has been since Yankees fans started balling up Red Sox shirts and stuffing them in their foreskins.
Anyone who’s seen lastnightsparty.com or thecobrasnake.com has probably noticed there are a lot of drunk horny chicks at parties in New York and LA. While a few half-assed homos are tapping this newly discovered resource by taking fancy cameras to every bar in town, the more industrious horndogs are tapping this newly discovered ass by affixing elaborate sex toys to their cameras and literally fucking shit up.
If your face looks like a wrinkled penis with warts on it, you have to be creative about how you catch a glimpse of boobs. Sometimes a ukulele serenade and a good leer is the only hope a dickface has.
You may have noticed examples of belt pride, where Midtown jocks stuff the front of their oversize Jerry Seinfeld dress shirts into the front of their pants, or the black equivalent, where sneaker-proud hip-hop fans cram the fronts of their cuffs into the laces of their spotless dunks, but how about some panty pride up in this bitch?
Ever since Puma made the “sport stub,” which looks exactly the same from front to back, girls with stubs for feet have been wearing 360º skirts and blazers that have no front. The effect is especially convincing when they comb their hair over their face, but as soon as they start hobbling along on those silly little stumps you’re like, “Hey, that person walks funny.”
There is a certain je ne sais quoi about a bon vivant that knows how to enjoy a good evening of Beaujolais. Sure, they may miss the odd rendezvous and they are not exactly renowned for their pugilism, but what would the world be without these jolly old souls?
We met these three outside Maria Shriver’s birthday party trying to stick a piece of toast up another girl’s butt. Are you guys getting the secret theme of this issue yet?
This guy fucks babies in the ass and then sticks them in his mother’s cunt because he has AIDS.
Thanks to the huge influx of gays and lesbians recently, androgynous is in. Girls wear jeans and vests and guys wear faggy little jumpsuits like they’re saucy little bitches until we’re like, “I don’t know if I want to suck it or fuck it.”
It was a fad that began with dancers, but now making clothes out of your birth color is the new “Look at me, you fucking asshole.”
