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| The EPMD mantra of “You gots to chiiilll” is a healthy attitude to have in this stress-laden age, but pissing your pants? There’s nothing laid-back about having itchy legs no matter how late you slept in. |
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| Mothers need to stop dressing up their kids as goombah hitmen with gambling problems. There’s nothing cute about catching AIDS from a prostitute. |
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| It’s fun to dress up as a pimp, and we’re all experts at ignoring what really goes on in that world—which is why it ruins everything when you pound your wife’s eye shut and whack her on the leg so hard she has cane marks. |
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| Whoa, whoa, guy. It sucks that you don’t have arms but blaming it on the gay community is like blaming it on the rain. You have to take responsibility sometimes for all the drugs your mom did when she was pregnant. |
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| Hey lady, you may want to take it a little easy on the accessories. You’re supposed to take one thing off before you go out, not throw on a hat, two wigs, fingerless gloves, an arm ribbon, some tiger-skin Speedos, and pubic hair shaved into the word “Hey-o!” |
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| Someone needs to tell all West Asians that we are not that freaked out by them and that nobody’s going to drag them behind a truck for not believing in Jesus Christ. Take it fucking easy with the local patriotism. Also, for the record, high-heeled shoes are a girl/fag thing. |
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| Nudity works if your ass isn’t covered in zits, but if it looks like you sat on an ass covered in zits that were painted red so they’d come off on your ass, you may want to take it easy on the butt and just flash that stupid idiot your tits. |
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| The pimped-out look has gone from a few ostentatious touches of fur and gold to a little kid who went into his parents’ closet when his mom went away with her new boyfriend and his dad forgot to pick him up because he thought next weekend was his weekend. |
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| This is a free country and you should be able to read any book you want, but flaunting David Duke’s Jewish Supremacism in a laundromat is a little rich, especially when you don’t even understand English. |
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| The older men get, the more twisted their methods of picking up young girls. Now they’re trying to trigger some Pavlovian response by dressing as Captain Fucking Boner from kids’ shows in the 80s. |
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| Hey guy, we love scary shit as much as the next guy, but a werewolf tattoo? Where is this, Burundi? There has to be a line drawn somewhere in the sand, especially with the arm thing going across his skirt and her crazy Brazilian legs like it’s the Bongo-Bongo police all over again. . |
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