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Cover photo by Roe Ethridge, shot at Strand Books in New York
VICE MAIL Letters - The Fiction Issue Love & Hate, Tag Along Tommy, Anti-Cussword League, R.I.P. Rap, Moon Guy
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MISTER ELEGANT By Chuck Palahniuk Don’t ask how I know this, but the next time you think you’re fat, there’s a whole lot worse way you can look.
Something to picture, when you’re at the gym counting stomach crunches...READ MORE
BOOKS ON A BUDGET Do you like spending shitloads of money on stuff you don't really need? I mean who are you, really, if you can't drop a couple thou here and there on what-ever-the-fuck? What's the point of even drawing another breath if you can't live a little?...READ MORE
FROM THE DIAPER OF BIG BABY JESUS By Harmony Korine The following is a conversation I recorded between Ol' Dirty Bastard and Clint Eastwood at a special screening in Los Angeles for the film The Bridges of Madison County. This is only a small portion of a much-longer four-hour-plus transcript. This as-yet-unsee...READ MORE
GRIMEWATCH It seems everyone in grime is busy getting ready for the arrival of Father Christmas, so there's not much happening right now....READ MORE
OUT BY HOLY LAND By Risa Mickenberg I hate Stew but he sells weed. So one Saturday, me, Mike, and Mike’s brother Ross drive Stew’s fuck-friend Boudreau out to Stew’s house to cop.
Boudreau sits up front which is fine with me except that I have to look at...READ MORE
A CARTOON BY DAVID MAMET PASSOVER - THE BLIND GUY AND THE MATZOH Vice: So what's this, you're a comic now? What's the joke here?
Mamet [by email]: A new Passover tradition... Hardee har. Seriously, do you think that is funny?...READ MORE
TWO REALLY SHORT STORIES By Jocko Weyland IN MEMORY
Jenny went to the pool to pick up her mother who was very excited and the first thing she said was, “I just swam with a dead guy!” It was at a pool in Frankfurt where mostly...READ MORE
READING WITH POLYTHENE SHEETS These New Puritans Got Special Treatment in Schoool These New Puritans are four gaunt, well-spoken 19-year-olds who've been clumped into the imaginary "Southend Scene" (one club night is not a scene) with bands like The Horrors and Wretched Replica (who have now split up) but sound nothing like either...READ MORE
A CARTOON BY FLANNERY O'CONNOR Flannery O'Connor's short stories are really funny, but no one ever talks about that. It might be because the jokes aren't haw-haw jokes, or it might be because the humor is so dark that a lot of people don't have the taste for it. She has this way of piling o...READ MORE
SLAVE TO THE OFFICE By Neil LaBute I’ve been shitting in L’Tesha Jackson’s desk drawer for months now and I see no reason to stop. I really don’t. See, the thing of it is, it started as this little prank, a sort of dare that a buddy of mine put me up to and that was that. A one-time deal. I sta...READ MORE
MUSIC FOREVER Studio Don't Read as Much as They Should With their boring name, neat graphics, tasteful website (thestudio.se) and less-than-scintillating answers to our piercing questions (see below), it looks as if Gothenburg duo Studio are trying their hardest to send us off to Snoozeville in the world's most co...READ MORE
FROM VELVET By Andrea Dworkin I’m half dead from grief because I turned into trash. There was the day I hit my dog. I changed sides. I went to the killer side even though I was fraught with fear. I was garbage inside. I had become trash. What could I do if I couldn’t touch her without maki...READ MORE
PUBLIC HAIR By Richard Hell Yesterday there was a pretty girl sitting with her girlfriends in front of my wife and me at a movie and most of the time all I could see of her was her hair. When you were sitting behind girls in classrooms in grade school, their hair could drive you crazy. I...READ MORE
TOMORROW, THE WORLD Poppy & The Jezebels Get Ready Kids do their rites of passage stuff at a much younger age these days.
We're not just talking about things like smoking crack or stabbing strangers for their MP3 player (although that does account for 98 per cent of it). If you've been down to...READ MORE
NAKEDNESS By Stephen Dixon He thinks: She sees him through the kitchen window taking off his clothes to put in the washer. It's night, past 12; his wife's in bed, going to sleep. Their young neighbor, who lives by herself since she got divorced a year ago, shares a driveway with them ti...READ MORE
CRUSHED MEXICAN SPIDERS By Tibor Fisher Ahead of her, struggling up the stairs strugglingly was a mother and pushchair, laden with bags and a screaming kid. Homebound workers salmoned past without offering a hand, blinkered by visions of supper or respite...READ MORE
THANK YOU FROM BAGHDAD By Fred Armisen Yesterday (I write this on 6 November 2006) I was handed my verdict in a trial that to me was more of a circus than anything else. I am not surprised by how things turned out. I knew the second I walked into that courtroom that no one was going to listen to me...READ MORE
ELECTRIC INDEPENDENCE In Zanzibar for a few days during September, I wandered with my sister through the narrow streets of the East African island's ancient capital, Stone Town, one sweltering afternoon. We'd been to the market, where guys nodded off on butcher's blocks slumped nex...READ MORE
EDGE OF SEVENTEEN By Blaise Kearsley You and Katherine are drunk on wine coolers and you've forgotten all about stabbing Ziggy with the Ginsu knife and running for your lives. The three of you cozy down in the dark, Ziggy in the middle, beneath several layers of blankets and unzipped sleeping bag...READ MORE
Since 1928, Chumley's on Bedford Street in Greenwich Village has sat behind an unmarked door. It started as a speakeasy and gradually became the gold standard of...READ MORE
COMING OF AGE By Niall Griffiths See, he's not my proper son, not by blood, like, but I adter take him on as family when I married his mother, didn't I? Ad no choice in the matter. I mean yeh can tell he's not one of mine just by looking at him; more meat on a jockey's whip. A strong fart'd b...READ MORE
BARON IN VEGAS By Sam Brumbaugh Baron came out of the elevator holding the guitar. There was a white door in a white wall, a small red light with a button underneath. He pressed the button. A camera swiveled an inch above him. A voice asked him who he was...READ MORE
TIDBITS A Monthly Look At Things We Love - The Fiction Issue DRINKING BOARD GAME
If you're going to release a board game you might as well spend more than ten minutes putting it together. The squares on this game say things like "Someone insults you-...READ MORE
HIS & HERS WATCHES By Jeff Johnson He called into a local radio station upward of 60 times in January of 1989. Provided a series of correct answers that surpassed the other callers' series of answers and advanced southward to the state capital for the semi-finals. One night at a Holiday Inn on ...READ MORE
OfeliaLibrarian at Folkbibliotek, Stockholm—I like to read biographies and...READ MORE
LIMITED EDITION JOB By Matthias Connor aka Wolfboy I had been tipped off in advance that Dave wanted to see me. A cross between David Koresh and David Ike dressed from head to toe in Japanese street wear brands, Dave was the owner of the trendy clothes shop I worked in. Someone had told him that I was selling ...READ MORE
TAPESTRY By Eileen Myles Rose was number one. Fairly light hair on a warm young mound. Later I knew this poet from Boston, and he lived in a loft in Little Italy with a girl who made art. Their life seemed perfect. And she was number two-I got her. She was like a welder or something, ...READ MORE
SPIRITUAL GOLD Astronauts Write About The New Alchemy After listening to their album Organic Universe and some long and careful consideration, we came to the conclusion that nothing could prepare you well enough for The New Alchemy. Try imagining Jason Anderson and Jason Spaceman waking up from...READ MORE
GAMES The Fiction Issue MADE MAN
This had mixed reviews everywhere but I like it. It’s one of those uncomplicated shooting games that you can play without having to stretch your brain too much. These...READ MORE
FROM A GUIDE FOR THE UNDEHEMORRHOIDED By Charles Willeford In hospital language a patient does not urinate, micturate, pee, piss, or take a leak. He voids. Or, as in my case, he is unable to void.
Hospital jargon is mid-Victorian. My hemorrhoids were not chopped out...READ MORE
RECORDS Music Reviews - The Fiction Issue JAY-Z
Kingdom Come
So the scoop is Jay-Z comes out of his pseudoretirement and makes an album that’s, well, not good. Now not good by Hov standards means you still get stellar lyricism here...READ MORE
AND THEY RODE ON IN THE FRISCALATING DUSKLIGHT: Amy And Lesley's Guide To Fiction Oh, so fiction is a waste of time that doesn't teach you anything? Really? Well how about a little piece of fiction called THE BIBLE. Doesn't seem so silly now, does it? Fiction may not be facts but it can still teach you plenty. Sure, it's "escapist" but so a...READ MORE
