Cover photo by Roe Ethridge, shot at Strand Books in New York
 VICE MAILPoverty Issue: Love & Hate, Tag Along Tommy, Anti-Cussword League, R.I.P. Rap, Moon Guy
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  MISTER ELEGANTDon't ask how I know this, but the next time you think you're fat, there's a whole lot worse way you can look.
Something to picture, when you're at the gym counting stomach crunches or hanging knee raises to flatten your ab muscles, just know that some people have a whole other person growi... | |
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 BOOKS ON A BUDGETDo you like spending shitloads of money on stuff you don't really need? I mean who are you, really, if you can't drop a couple thou here and there on what-ever-the-fuck? What's the point of even drawing another breath if you can't live a little?... | |
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 FROM THE DIAPER OF BIG BABY JESUSA Forthcoming NovelThe following is a conversation I recorded between Ol' Dirty Bastard and Clint Eastwood at a special screening in Los Angeles for the film The Bridges of Madison County. This is only a small portion of a much-longer four-hour-plus transcript. This as-yet-unseen transcript will serve as a guide to a ... | |
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 GRIMEWATCHIt seems everyone in grime is busy getting ready for the arrival of Father Christmas, so there's not much happening right now.... | |
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 OUT BY HOLY LANDI hate Stew but he sells weed. So one Saturday, me, Mike, and Mike's brother Ross drive Stew's fuck-friend Boudreau out to Stew's house to cop.
Boudreau sits up front which is fine with me except that I have to look at the back of her head with her blond hair feathering all the way back int... | |
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 A CARTOON BY DAVID MAMETVice: So what's this, you're a comic now? What's the joke here?
Mamet [by email]: A new Passover tradition...
Hardee har. Seriously, do you think that is funny?
[No response.]... | |
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 TWO REALLY SHORT STORIESIn memory
Jenny went to the pool to pick up her mother who was very excited and the first thing she said was, "I just swam with a dead guy!" It was at a pool in Frankfurt where mostly older people went and had a social time, not a real serious lap-swimming place. People were friendly and... | |
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 READING WITH POLYTHENE SHEETSThese New Puritans Got Special Treatment in SchooolThese New Puritans are four gaunt, well-spoken 19-year-olds who've been clumped into the imaginary "Southend Scene" (one club night is not a scene) with bands like The Horrors and Wretched Replica (who have now split up) but sound nothing like either of those. Taking their name from a song by The Fa... | |
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 A CARTOON BY FLANNERY O'CONNORFlannery O'Connor's short stories are really funny, but no one ever talks about that. It might be because the jokes aren't haw-haw jokes, or it might be because the humor is so dark that a lot of people don't have the taste for it. She has this way of piling one beat-the-wall setup after another for... | |
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 SLAVE TO THE OFFICEI've been shitting in L'Tesha Jackson's desk drawer for months now and I see no reason to stop. I really don't. See, the thing of it is, it started as this little prank, a sort of dare that a buddy of mine put me up to and that was that. A one-time deal. I stayed late one night at work-no big thing,... | |
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 MUSIC FOREVERStudio Don't Read as Much as They ShouldWith their boring name, neat graphics, tasteful website (thestudio.se) and less-than-scintillating answers to our piercing questions (see below), it looks as if Gothenburg duo Studio are trying their hardest to send us off to Snoozeville in the world's most comfortable bed on a sea of Horlicks. But ... | |
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 FROM VELVETI'm Half DeadI'm half dead from grief because I turned into trash. There was the day I hit my dog. I changed sides. I went to the killer side even though I was fraught with fear. I was garbage inside. I had become trash. What could I do if I couldn't touch her without making her bleed. He had contaminated me, I ... | |
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 PUBLIC HAIRYesterday there was a pretty girl sitting with her girlfriends in front of my wife and me at a movie and most of the time all I could see of her was her hair. When you were sitting behind girls in classrooms in grade school, their hair could drive you crazy. It wasn't even actually alive, but it had... | |
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 TOMORROW, THE WORLDPoppy & The Jezebels Get ReadyKids do their rites of passage stuff at a much younger age these days.
We're not just talking about things like smoking crack or stabbing strangers for their MP3 player (although that does account for 98 per cent of it). If you've been down to Underage Club in Elephant And Castle or Yoof Cl... | |
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 NAKEDNESSHe thinks: She sees him through the kitchen window taking off his clothes to put in the washer. It's night, past 12; his wife's in bed, going to sleep. Their young neighbor, who lives by herself since she got divorced a year ago, shares a driveway with them till it goes past their house and only goe... | |
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 CRUSHED MEXICAN SPIDERSAhead of her, struggling up the stairs strugglingly was a mother and pushchair, laden with bags and a screaming kid. Homebound workers salmoned past without offering a hand, blinkered by visions of supper or respite.... | |
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 THANK YOU FROM BAGHDADBy Former Dictator of Iraq Saddam HusseinYesterday (I write this on 6 November 2006) I was handed my verdict in a trial that to me was more of a circus than anything else. I am not surprised by how things turned out. I knew the second I walked into that courtroom that no one was going to listen to me.... | |
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 ELECTRIC INDEPENDENCEIn Zanzibar for a few days during September, I wandered with my sister through the narrow streets of the East African island's ancient capital, Stone Town, one sweltering afternoon. We'd been to the market, where guys nodded off on butcher's blocks slumped next to animal carcasses, and carried on ov... | |
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 EDGE OF SEVENTEENYou and Katherine are drunk on wine coolers and you've forgotten all about stabbing Ziggy with the Ginsu knife and running for your lives. The three of you cozy down in the dark, Ziggy in the middle, beneath several layers of blankets and unzipped sleeping bags, and you listen to the sounds of the l... | |
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 VICE FASHION - AT CHUMLEY'SSince 1928, Chumley's on Bedford Street in Greenwich Village has sat behind an unmarked door. It started as a speakeasy and gradually became the gold standard of writers' bars in New York. Everyone from Mailer to Maugham to Steinbeck to Salinger to Faulkner to Fitzgerald hung out at Chumley's. Now i... | |
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 COMING OF AGESee, he's not my proper son, not by blood, like, but I adter take him on as family when I married his mother, didn't I? Ad no choice in the matter. I mean yeh can tell he's not one of mine just by looking at him; more meat on a jockey's whip. A strong fart'd blow him away. No way he's gunna have any... | |
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 BARON IN VEGASBaron came out of the elevator holding the guitar. There was a white door in a white wall, a small red light with a button underneath. He pressed the button. A camera swiveled an inch above him. A voice asked him who he was.... | |
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 TIDBITSA monthly look at things we love - v13n12DRINKING BOARD GAME
If you're going to release a board game you might as well spend more than ten minutes putting it together. The squares on this game say things like "Someone insults you-miss a turn" and "Put a lampshade on your head and dance around." After playing it for two hours we... | |
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 HIS & HERS WATCHESHe called into a local radio station upward of 60 times in January of 1989. Provided a series of correct answers that surpassed the other callers' series of answers and advanced southward to the state capital for the semi-finals. One night at a Holiday Inn on the main drag (Golden Girls followed by ... | |
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 LIMITED EDITION JOBI had been tipped off in advance that Dave wanted to see me. A cross between David Koresh and David Ike dressed from head to toe in Japanese street wear brands, Dave was the owner of the trendy clothes shop I worked in. Someone had told him that I was selling the limited edition Nike trainers the sh... | |
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 TAPESTRYRose was number one. Fairly light hair on a warm young mound. Later I knew this poet from Boston, and he lived in a loft in Little Italy with a girl who made art. Their life seemed perfect. And she was number two-I got her. She was like a welder or something, though she was small. Not tiny, but slig... | |
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 SPIRITUAL GOLDAstronauts Write About The New AlchemyAfter listening to their album Organic Universe and some long and careful consideration, we came to the conclusion that nothing could prepare you well enough for The New Alchemy. Try imagining Jason Anderson and Jason Spaceman waking up from horse tranquilizers and crawling to their instruments to m... | |
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 GAMESMade Man, Tony Hawk's Project 8MADE MAN
Publisher: Mastertronic/Ubisoft
Platform: PS2
Genre: Mafia-related shoot-'em-up
This had mixed reviews everywhere but I like it. It's one of those uncomplicated ... | |
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 FROM A GUIDE FOR THE UNDEHEMORRHOIDEDIn hospital language a patient does not urinate, micturate, pee, piss, or take a leak. He voids. Or, as in my case, he is unable to void.
Hospital jargon is mid-Victorian. My hemorrhoids were not chopped out, hacked away, or operated upon. Instead, my asshole was dilated and debrided. There... | |
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 RECORDSMusic Reviews - v13n12JAY-Z
Kingdom Come
Def Jam
So the scoop is Jay-Z comes out of his pseudoretirement and makes an album that's, well, not good. Now not good by Hov standards means you still get ... | |
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 "GJENNOM NATTENS IDENTITET" ("THROUGH THE IDENTITY OF THE NIGHTTIME")From NasjonalsatanistenThis is an excerpt from the book Nasjonalsatanisten (The National Satanist) by Erlend Erichsen, translated for Vice. Erichsen is from Bergen and has played drums for a bunch of different Black Metal bands, including Gorgoroth (he went by Sersjant, or "Seargent," with them). The book has only been pr... | |
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 AND THEY RODE ON IN THE FRISCALATING DUSKLIGHT:Amy And Lesley's Guide To Fiction - Part 1Oh, so fiction is a waste of time that doesn't teach you anything? Really? Well how about a little piece of fiction called THE BIBLE. Doesn't seem so silly now, does it? Fiction may not be facts but it can still teach you plenty. Sure, it's "escapist" but so are movies, and you like those, right?... | |
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