TIDBITSA Monthly Look At Things We Love - The Gangs Issue
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CHUNKY CHAT
When you feel like there’s no one else you can talk to and you’re not really into getting a therapist, go get yourself a fat person and give them a “face full of verbal” as Steve Jones once said. Chubbies don’t really get to talk to people that much and if you feed them enough they’ll listen to your problems forever.
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ASIAN AIR FRESHENER
Ever notice that you can’t find deodorant in China? That’s because they never get BO. You can be a big jealous baby about it or you can embrace their flawless body scent and let it fill up your car. |
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VIRGIN HAIR FERTILIZER
Ever notice how virgins are almost never bald? Well, scientists certainly did. |
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CLEAN 'N GENTLE BLOOD STAIN REMOVER
If you go back to a guy’s house and you find this in his medicine cabinet make sure you get back into that bedroom as fast as you can and insist he make love to you. Murderers are hot.
Thanks Vicky from Queens
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WHITEMAN TOOTHPASTE
After the horrible controversy surrounding Darkie Toothpaste, the company is finally swinging the pendulum the other way. White men aren’t exactly renowned for having white teeth but, as Toby would say, EVS.
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DUDU SOAP
We know you think your shit don’t stink but you can’t be sure until you clean it with dudu soap. It gets out those deep, brown shit stains that shit holds on to like its life depended on it.
Thanks Chris Collicott
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THUG CONDOMS
If you’re going to do it with one of those extra-libidinous drug dealers from Bushwick make sure you get a pack of these. They’re chocolate, extra-lubed, and twice as thick so he can still tear you a new asshole without giving you AIDS.
Thanks Andrew Walker of Glenburne, Ontario
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BEACH BOX
No, this is not a joke.
Thanks Mario Brancaglioni of Götborg, Sweden |
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FUNNY WAND
We found this while getting wasted in Central America recently and couldn’t believe how perfect it is for riffing. It says “Funny” on it and makes sparkly sounds every time you point it at someone. It’s so perfect for getting high it kind of makes you worried that the toy manufacturers down there are all potheads.
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FACE BED
Lust Project in Paris makes this bed set that looks like a face and it’s great for making your neighbors feel shitty about all the lame Bed Bath & Beyond shit back at their place.
Email lust-project@noos.fr for more
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GAY POCKET SOLITAIRE
The only difference between this and straight pocket solitaire is you fantasize about other guys’ bodies when you fondle yourself.
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ASS BALLONS
Have you ever met anyone that worked in an ER? Gays get the weirdest shit stuck up their asses: Coke bottles, light bulbs, vases… it costs the city millions of dollars in WTF!? fees every year. Luckily the Germans have started this huge campaign to try to get them to cram less harmful stuff up there, like balloons shaped like cum stains. |
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HORNIMANS TEA
There’s nothing like settling down by yourself on a Friday night with some ice cream, a huge pile of pornos, and a fresh pot of horny man’s tea. I wouldn’t want to be your dick the next morning, but that night, in the heat of the wank, it’s paradise.
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FOUL FOOD
In an era where food companies are always bullshitting about the quality of their product it’s nice to see someone finally admit that the shit they put in there is fucking disgusting. |
This month’s winner is Face Bed as it is the only real one we got. Coming next month: More things we actually like.
To win your free subscription to Vice, send tidbits to:
North America:VICE Magazine,
97 North 10th Street, Suite 202, Brooklyn, NY, USA 11211.
UK:
VICE Magazine,
77 Leonard street, london, ec2a 4qs. mail: info@viceuk.com
Australia:
VICE Australia, Mailbox 61, 278 CHURCH ST, Richmond, Victoria 3121
Scandinavia:
VICE Magazine,
ST. Eriksgatan 48 A, 112 34 Stockholm, Sweden. Email: info@viceland.se
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 Anonymous, on Nov 7, 2009 wrote:
Hm-m-m, such a nice magazine were all the shit from over the world placed. Keep on | | Anonymous, on Jun 9, 2009 wrote:
golliwog candies!
if packaging in the us was that awesome, we’d have just about everything we need. | | Anonymous, on May 25, 2009 wrote:
sit on my face | | Anonymous, on May 6, 2009 wrote:
Tims makes the *best* Salt & Vinegar chips--and its amazing with Cabernet ;) | | Anonymous, on Apr 3, 2009 wrote:
Correction asshole: MUSICIANS benefit humanity. The industry benefits nobody but the industry. | | Anonymous, on Apr 3, 2009 wrote:
Fuck you Vice for promoting music theft and fuck snot-nosed whiny babies with an entitlement complex who cant shell out fucking 0.99 for a song you can play for the rest of your life and don’t care if they’re comlpetely destroying an industry that benefits humanity immeasurably. Cunts. | |
| crimewave, on Feb 8, 2009 wrote:
i recognized those xanax from a thumbnail. fuck. yeah. | | Anonymous, on Feb 5, 2009 wrote:
aw i love this | | Anonymous, on Feb 2, 2009 wrote:
i drove past sambo’s in santa barbara in april 2000 and everyone in the car had exactly the same reaction. the fact that there was a storm coming, so it looked like a ghost town just added to the "did we just drive back to the forties?" feeling. | | Anonymous, on Dec 2, 2008 wrote:
nacism? | | Anonymous, on Dec 2, 2008 wrote:
Don’t you know SHIT is the shit? | | Anonymous, on Dec 1, 2008 wrote:
POT
"Me and my girl rolled about three joints before watching The Ring and oh my god did we ever get scared. bollocks !!!
smoke 3 joints and walk around glasgow | | Anonymous, on Nov 28, 2008 wrote:
bag hutch | | Anonymous, on Oct 31, 2008 wrote:
sink ma teef innit
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| Tiago, on Oct 16, 2008 wrote:
The eyedrops are not american | | Anonymous, on Sep 5, 2008 wrote:
That is not a "cheap slingshot" in the rattlesnake egg envelope. Spin the plastic or metal ring that is suspended by the two rubber bands and put it back in the envelope like that.. then, when someone opens the envelope it makes a loud noise (as the rubber bands unravel, spinning the button against the paper)and they yell and then everyone laughs. say duh, you cheap thief. | | Anonymous, on Jul 13, 2008 wrote:
GOD BLESS AMERICA!!! | | Anonymous, on Jul 11, 2008 wrote:
Edgy stuff!!!!!!!!!! | | Anonymous, on Jul 3, 2008 wrote:
I’ve been enjoying hot spotted cock for years. | | Anonymous, on Jun 22, 2008 wrote:
BOUDREAUX’S BUTT PASTE haha I saw that at work the other day and the bagger and I couldn’t stop laughing!
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