DRESS THE PART! - PART 2

The Yellammite look is basically just Krishna in drag. Take a brightly colored sari (don’t feel hemmed in by dull old white and saffron), smear some horizontal lines of vermillion and turmeric across your forehead, then go to town with the cowry-shell earrings, necklaces, and crowns. Once you look just enough like an ugly woman to raise doubts, balance a cowry-bedecked basket containing a statue of your goddess on your head and start acting really dirty in public. If a crowd of hissing women and shopkeepers gathers around you and starts throwing stones, you’ll know you’ve nailed it.

The dress code for your average AN member is black Dickies work shirt and pants, Docs with red laces, a military-issue nylon garrison belt, black clip-on tie, and patches with the sword-and-N emblem on the sleeves and tips of the collar. If you’re a guy your hair can’t be “effeminate.” If you’re a girl it has to be (but you’ve also got to braid it). To make the transition to the elite AN Guard, all you have to do is switch out the black shirt for security-guard blue and add one of those belts with the leather strap that goes over one shoulder.

This fucked-up Scientology splinter group may have bit the dust in the 70s, but their legacy of looking awesome will never die. Considering that the basic Process streetwear consisted of a black cape over a black turtleneck and pants, under long hair, beards, and a silver cross or pseudo-swastika amulet, how can you blame Manson for pretending to be a member?

If you really want to blow out the King Diamond fashion jams, look up some photos of one of their services. Crazy red tunics and Goat of Mendes pendants abound.

These guys’ deal is black, white, and gray, so feel free to incorporate some Oakland Raiders shit into the mix even if you can’t name a single member of their team. You may also want to get tattoos on your torso and arms of some of their symbols, like the Star of David (its six points represent wisdom, knowledge, understanding, life, love, and loyalty), 360° (it represents the gang’s “full circle of knowledge.” Huh?), two crossed pitchforks, a winged heart (like in Nintendo’s Kid Icarus), and a devil’s tail. Or you could just smash them all into one omni-logo. Get ’er done!

There are only a few stragglers left who missed the boat back in ’98, but to blend in with the left-behinds, you’ll need a pair of baggy black pants and matching dress shirt (buttoned all the way up), a good unisexual buzzcut, and, if you’re a guy, you may want to look into castration. This’ll help you get used to the asexual life you’ll be leading as a spirit once the Hale-Bopp comet swings back by to pick you up. You should also acquire a pair of black-and-white Nike Cortezes, an “Away Team” patch for your shirt, and a purple silk shroud to cover the plastic bag you’ve wrapped around your face as a fail-safe for the poison.

To fit in with Farrakhan’s cronies you’ll want to look as neat as possible. For the ladies, this means a nice conservative dress in toned-down colors (not too tight) and an Erykah Badu-style head-wrap. For the fellas, a well-fitting suit and bow tie with short hair will do the trick. If you want to pass for one of the Reverend’s elite Fruit of Islam brigade, you’ll need to get your hands on one of their black bellhop-looking uniforms, a squat, cylindrical hat like French cops used to wear with the letters “FOI” across the front, and a red bow tie. Sunglasses might come in handy for carrying off the proper seriousness.