TIDBITSA Monthly Look At Things We Love - Sifting Through Blackfeet Stuff - The Natives Issue
OPERATION IRAQI FREEDOM
According to the most recent Equal Opportunity Survey by the Defense Manpower Data Center, there are 22,864 Native Americans in the armed forces. That’s two percent of the total number of soldiers. Most Natives (39 percent) are in the Navy. Only 16 percent are in the Army.
This sign sits on Central Street, the main thoroughfare of the Blackfeet reservation town of Browning, Montana. Each little star represents a Blackfeet who’s serving in the military now.
Fun factoid: Native soldiers report the most frequent levels of offensive jokes and general harassment. Lay off them already, everyone!
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MISSING BEER MUG MURAL
A good way to begin wiping out alcoholism on the reservation is to white out any beers in murals on the sides of bars. Out of sight, out of mind.
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NATIVE PRIDE HAT
Speaking of pride, this hat’s owner was so proud of being Native he didn’t mind the fact that he was so drunk he could barely pick his head back up after the photo was taken. |
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RUNNING INDIANS GYM MAT
News flash: Indians call themselves Indians. It’s not a big deal, so stop having powwows about how white people cannot say that word. These mats line the gymnasium of Browning High School and everyone is damn proud of their Running Indian status. In fact, the ENTIRE gym is lined all the way around with State Cross-country Champ banners.
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GRUMPIES SIGN
Living on the rez can definitely give you a case of the grumpies some days. Eighty percent unemployment, heaps of diabetes and hep C, and crystal meth falling all around like snow? Bummer! Luckily someone has discovered the cure to all the world’s ills: A good firm hug. Don’t you feel better now? |
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BEST RESPECT THA REZ
This sign hangs in the Snack Shack across the street from Browning High School. Even though the rez suffers from almost third-world crisis conditions, everybody has hometown pride.
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FRIENDSHIP BRACELETS
“FRIENDS… Tell each other everything. Talk on the phone constantly. Have their own slang. Study together. Have secrets. Borrow clothes. Laugh together. Cry together. Even though we may go our separate ways, you’ll always be a part of me and we’ll always be FRIENDS FOREVER!!”
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VICTORY TEA
If this tea really makes you win, you kind of have to wonder why they weren’t guzzling it all through the 1800s like their lives depended on it (because they literally did depend on it).
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THOUSANDS OF CONDOMS
This massive pile of condoms that sits in the community health center and all the possible fucks that might, maybe, happen with them is like some Native American physics problem about potential versus kinetic energy. It makes you woozy just thinking about it. |
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STOLEN HORSES
You can often see horses running free on the rez. They will jump in front of your car like they think they are just a couple of frolicking dogs—not 1,000-pound behemoths.
If we find the guys who stole these girls’ horsies, they are in some deep shit.
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YCJCYADFTJB
This sign hangs under the TV in Ick’s bar in Browning. You say “What does that mean?” to the bartender, and he goes, “Cost you a dollar to find out.” So you go, “Fine. I don’t care what it means.” And then it needles you for an hour and you finally, angrily, slide a dollar over and the bartender smugly says, “Your Curiosity Just Cost You A Dollar For The Juke Box.” And you, my friend, have been zinged.
(PS: But sorry, Ick’s, “jukebox” is one word, so it really should be
YCJCYADFTJ. We wish we’d thought of that while we were still in there. We could have totally served them.) |
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BLACKFEET GHOST STORIES
The best thing about this book is that it isn’t a bunch of ancient tales from before the white man or haunted-house stories that actually sound a little plausible. Instead, it’s all stuff like, “Me and my cousin Bobby were out on Jim Big Bear’s ranch last summer and we heard this really weird hooting sound. I’ll bet it was the ghost of an elder.” |
 Anonymous, on Nov 7, 2009 wrote:
Hm-m-m, such a nice magazine were all the shit from over the world placed. Keep on | | Anonymous, on Jun 9, 2009 wrote:
golliwog candies!
if packaging in the us was that awesome, we’d have just about everything we need. | | Anonymous, on May 25, 2009 wrote:
sit on my face | | Anonymous, on May 6, 2009 wrote:
Tims makes the *best* Salt & Vinegar chips--and its amazing with Cabernet ;) | | Anonymous, on Apr 3, 2009 wrote:
Correction asshole: MUSICIANS benefit humanity. The industry benefits nobody but the industry. | | Anonymous, on Apr 3, 2009 wrote:
Fuck you Vice for promoting music theft and fuck snot-nosed whiny babies with an entitlement complex who cant shell out fucking 0.99 for a song you can play for the rest of your life and don’t care if they’re comlpetely destroying an industry that benefits humanity immeasurably. Cunts. | |
| crimewave, on Feb 8, 2009 wrote:
i recognized those xanax from a thumbnail. fuck. yeah. | | Anonymous, on Feb 5, 2009 wrote:
aw i love this | | Anonymous, on Feb 2, 2009 wrote:
i drove past sambo’s in santa barbara in april 2000 and everyone in the car had exactly the same reaction. the fact that there was a storm coming, so it looked like a ghost town just added to the "did we just drive back to the forties?" feeling. | | Anonymous, on Dec 2, 2008 wrote:
nacism? | | Anonymous, on Dec 2, 2008 wrote:
Don’t you know SHIT is the shit? | | Anonymous, on Dec 1, 2008 wrote:
POT
"Me and my girl rolled about three joints before watching The Ring and oh my god did we ever get scared. bollocks !!!
smoke 3 joints and walk around glasgow | | Anonymous, on Nov 28, 2008 wrote:
bag hutch | | Anonymous, on Oct 31, 2008 wrote:
sink ma teef innit
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| Tiago, on Oct 16, 2008 wrote:
The eyedrops are not american | | Anonymous, on Sep 5, 2008 wrote:
That is not a "cheap slingshot" in the rattlesnake egg envelope. Spin the plastic or metal ring that is suspended by the two rubber bands and put it back in the envelope like that.. then, when someone opens the envelope it makes a loud noise (as the rubber bands unravel, spinning the button against the paper)and they yell and then everyone laughs. say duh, you cheap thief. | | Anonymous, on Jul 13, 2008 wrote:
GOD BLESS AMERICA!!! | | Anonymous, on Jul 11, 2008 wrote:
Edgy stuff!!!!!!!!!! | | Anonymous, on Jul 3, 2008 wrote:
I’ve been enjoying hot spotted cock for years. | | Anonymous, on Jun 22, 2008 wrote:
BOUDREAUX’S BUTT PASTE haha I saw that at work the other day and the bagger and I couldn’t stop laughing!
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