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| “Hey Dad, thanks for teaching me all about multiculturalism and diversity and how groovy it is being real. I am having a great time here in South Chicago and I’m meeting a lot of new friends. You were right, black people are more in tune with soul culture and they do seem to have an intrinsic beat. And man, talk about libido. I can barely keep up! Anyhoo, not exactly sure why you and mom keep crying on the phone but I’ll come back home eventually. PS: Black Power!” |
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| Dancers are about the worst people on earth. They’re always writhing around like someone’s fucking them in the ass and when they dance they “dance like no one is watching” which is embarrassing because we are. |
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| Look at this giant cherry toe nail. What is she a Chris De Burgh song? The worst part about retarded bitches like this is they have no clue what a huge fucking DON’T they are. |
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| Hey Charlie Brown. Your balloonhead may want to send a memo to your legs and feet telling them you’re not a premie anymore and it’s time to start growing. |
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| That twee candy cuddle thing is kind of acceptable when you’re a pair of 13 year-old Japanese girls here on vacation but when you’re 30 year old alcoholics it starts to leave the land of Strawberry Shortcake and bleed into raver bag lady junk hag. |
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| Can we have a moratorium on these stupid slut lower back tattoos please? Especially when they look like they were done in prison and they’re spread across your muffin top like a drunk guy graffiti’d it there when you were passed out. |
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| What is this guy, a Mad magazine drawing of a retard that deals coke? You almost expect real coke dealers to shove him and go, “Are you fucking making fun of me?” |
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| The baggy shirt over the tight legging thing is for fat Jewish moms that are trying to use smoke and mirrors to convince you they are not just another pig on a stick. Pointy flats are the summer version, Uggs are the winter version, and you are grossing us out about thirty years earlier than you need to. |
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| Big cities need Paki nerds because they are the only ones smart enough to run the place. Unfortunately, when these horny lightweights are let loose upon the nightlife they come off like spastic babies at a nipple convention. Take it easy on the wodka tonics there Rajiv, you’re “going bazookas.” |
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| Just when you think you’re not living in the low income housing section of St. Louis, two white trash furry pencils walk by and seem to whisper, “Dude, are you still living here? What the fuck are you doing? Do you honestly want to spend the rest of your life in this shithole? Get the fuck out of here and start your life.” |
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