NEWSLETTER

Boomers are so proud of Watergate, they’ve been crowing about it for 30 years. When W. Mark Felt revealed he was Deep Throat in June of this year, boomers couldn’t stop themselves from filling the airwaves with stories about their past glory. Is this just harmless back-patting? Hardly. This media masturbation is threatening our lives. How? Because, while they’re tossing off on the airwaves, today’s real news stories are going unreported.

For instance, did you know that China threatened nuclear war against the United States on July 14 of this year? That’s right, China threatened to destroy “hundreds of cities” with nuclear bombs if we live up to our nation’s commitment to defend Taiwan should China ever invade that sovereign nation.

So you’re saying, “Nuclear fucking war? There has to be a mistake. Some subtle turn of bureaucratic phrase that was misunderstood, right?” Let’s see:

“We will have to respond [to the U.S. defense of Taiwan] with nuclear weapons… The Americans will have to be prepared that hundreds of [their] cities will be destroyed by the Chinese.”
—Chinese General Zhu Chenghu, July 14, 2005

Oh shit. Why didn’t someone tell us? Because that week, the boomer-controlled media was too busy talking about… Watergate. It’s like hearing some drunk old high school football QB tell you about the winning pass he threw in the homecoming game—30 years ago.

So what else did boomer news editors neglect while they were re-re-re-re-reporting Watergate? Oh, only that on July 4, China and Russia unveiled their joint plan for a “New World Order” (they actually called it that) detailing how they’re going to re-shape everything from the world’s economy to the rule of law to individual countries’ military structures. China and Russia haven’t played nice together since Mao’s and Khrushchev’s delegations got into a spitting match (literally) in October of 1959. This is the first time in almost 50 years that China and Russia have formed an economic, strategic, and military alliance—an alliance that, if left unchecked, will reshape the entire character of planet Earth over the next century. Did you hear that? Look away from the story about how 50-year-olds can lower their cholesterol (that’s news?) Did you hear that China and Russia held their first-ever joint military exercises LAST MONTH? You should be shitting your pants about this. Did you see a five-second clip of W. Mark Felt waving from his front door? Only about a thousand times.

One of the boomers’ big slogans, back in the day, was the Timothy Leary bullshit line: “Tune in, turn on, and drop out.” Boomers are now turning an entire generation off of news, at the very moment we need to be tuned in.

MICHAEL SCROCCARO

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