"Look dude, I just want to say I'm sorry about dropping that anvil on you in front of Lisa. We cool?"Comments/Enlarge |
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It’s hard to call out your friends on their bullshit without it seeming like a joke, but if one of them is turning into a serious, self-important asshole it's vital to figure out a way to slip him the news.Comments/Enlarge |
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Cover photo by Terry Richardson (it’s his mom).
A LITTLE “F.Y.I.” TO OUR READERS
Vice isn’t American or Canadian or British or Black or White or Right or Left. With hundreds of employees all over the world, we’re a hodgepodge of a mishmash of a melting pot. The one thing that unites us is the same thing that unites our entire generation: a seething hatred of the generation that came before us. We hate the Baby Boomers.
Your parents and our parents ruined everything and this whole issue is all about why.
BOOMERS WE LIKE Seven Exceptions That Make the Rule The boomers we like are doers, not talkers. They get up off the couch, turn off the Marvin Gaye CD, get in their Saab, and go do stuff no matter how unpopular it makes them.
Look at Bill Cosby. This giant-balled man sees a nation of black kids excited...READ MORE
BABY BOOMERS VS ANARCHISTS Family Tied: Michael Gross is No Stephen P. Keaton So you're like the boomer. When you open a dictionary and look under "boomer," there's a picture of you.
I was not one of those people. I was a very focused, disciplined...READ MORE
GENERATION MESS Now We Have to Clean It Up We sat down with Steve Gillon, author of Boomer Nation: The Largest and Richest Generation Ever, and How It Changed America, and insisted he admit baby boomers are worthless piles of pedantic shit...READ MORE
DEAR DIARY Entry: 1991 Joey Dipollo came to our school to talk about AIDS. He was so cute. Me and Mia got his phone number. I feel so terrible when I really should feel happy. I fooled around with Blake (1st) and Kris H. (2nd). Now I have to choose??? Tragedy and happiness always se...READ MORE
LOOK BEHIND YOU Boomer Nostalgia Has Become Life-Threatening Boomers are so proud of Watergate, they've been crowing about it for 30 years. When W. Mark Felt revealed he was Deep Throat in June of this year, boomers couldn't stop themselves from filling the airwaves with stories about their past glory. Is this just harm...READ MORE
DOS & DON'TS A lot of guys talk a big feminist game but they "pussy out" when it comes time to really please a woman. If you truly care about the systematic and relentless oppression of women you will satisfy her whenever, WHENEVER she needs it. Even on acid at nine in the...READ MORE
ALL YOUR HEROES ARE DYING Thank God LENNY BRUCE
He was many things ... a First Amendment warrior, a womanizer, a hipster and a junkie ... but the one thing a comedian is supposed to be-funny-he wasn't. "Take away the right to say 'fuck,' " came one of Lenny Bruce's most famously self...READ MORE
PARENT KILLERS Need to Be Smart About the Next Step The only thing worse than killing your parents is getting caught with the bodies. Here's a quick how-to on losing their remains. You will need:
1 empty bathroom, 2 dead bodies, 24 hours of uninterrupted solitude, 1 large...READ MORE
I'M BUSTED "I worked for Citicorp's institutional currency-trading department," says Mark the baby-boomer con. He's 46 and from Kansas. "My title was associate Vice President of Arbitage for Currency. From 1988 to 1990 I did a two-year internship with Citicorp in New Yor...READ MORE
THE VICE GUIDE TO KILLING YOUR PARENTS Before we bust out the .50 caliber rifles and start shooting people from a mile away it's important to know exactly who we're talking about. Your parents, the baby boomers, are between 40 and 60 years ol...READ MORE
LITERARY/I WANT MY DVDS Book/Movie Reviews - The Kill Your Parents Issue LUNAR PARK
It’s been too long since Bret Easton Ellis wrote a book this good. Lunar Park is a total return to form. It might be better than the Rules of Attraction. It isn’t as good as Less...READ MORE
VICE PICTURES - GRATEFUL DEAD The Kill Your Parents Issue Photos by Joshua Touster
Even after Jerry Garcia died, the Grateful Dead just kept trundling on. And it paid off. Even without ol' Captain Trips, the average attendance for post-Garcia-death shows was 16,843. That is a lot of either very patient, very dea...READ MORE
MUM'S THE WORD The Young Knives Leave Home When you start a band, the most important people you have to convince are your parents. No one admits that but it's true. From the start, they're the ones who have to pay for your guitars and beer and ferry you to and from rehearsals. Even worse, they have to ...READ MORE
SKINEMA By Chris Nieratko HEAD MASTER VOL. I
I was an altar boy for many years and sadly I was never molested. I feel cheated. I put in over half a decade of service and I have nothing exciting to show for it. No heartfelt story of violation, no means to make a quick buck b...READ MORE
LITTLE ANIMALS Be Your Own Pet Likes Their Parents Be Your Own Pet is the youngest band in the world, and we think they are going to get really big. They will probably be burnt-out by the time they are 25, then have huge nervous-breakdown star-fit sort of things at 26...READ MORE
TIDBITS A Monthly Look At Things We Love - The Kill Your Parents Issue HEZBOLLAH FLAG
I think we're starting to realize that, fuck, America is only 5 percent of the world's population, and Bush's plan to kill every "bad guy" in the world may be a little trickier than he had originally thought. So if we do indeed lose ...READ MORE
BOOM BAP RAP Prince Whipper Whip Reminisces When you watch a movie like Wild Style, ever ask yourself what those guys are up to now? What happened to the generation of 70s park jams? Let's see, my superintendent claims he was Doug E. Fresh's DJ. Luckily, the career of Prince Whipper Whip...READ MORE
RIGHTEOUS DAD Gary Higgins Ain't So Bad for a Boomer Gary Higgins is lucky that this whole SIX Organs of Admittance folky psychy thing came into vogue, but all these kids are also lucky that dudes like Gary existed because they wouldn't have ideas without the hip dads like Gary here. It's like the Grandfather Pa...READ MORE
HOLE IN MY GENES Thanks Dad I totally trusted the people I grew up with, and never felt the need to do any testing to prove my relations to them. But when I got a new job I had one of those proper, all-round physicals. I had never had one done before, and when I was told I had some sort ...READ MORE
ELECTRIC INDEPENDENCE My parents have always taught me that honesty is the best policy and as far as I know they’ve never lied to me. I certainly never lie. My father can sometimes come across as pessimistic but he’ll always maintain that he’s a realist. If he’s betting on this Ash...READ MORE
SUCK YOUR MUM Fumin' In The Middle of Another Grime Beef We had the first of our "HATE IS A STRONG WORD" grime nights at the Old Blue Last this month. The bar takings were down, the bouncers started crying, but at least there were three rival grime crews on stage having a huge fight. It was like the grime equivalent...READ MORE
SMASH THE SYSTEM Jackson Bends The Rules Is there anything worse than having cool parents when you're growing up? Which ever way you try to rebel against everything they stand for, you can never win because they did it first, did it better, and did it in the 60s and 70s when it was even more shocking...READ MORE
BRINGING IT BACK Walk The Plank Break And Enter The death of Liverpool's legendary HARDCORE AND punk club Planet X neartly coinicided with the mid-90s raping and murder of the UK underground by major label A&R men, beady eyes fixed on signing the new Green Day...READ MORE
GAMES Sid Meier's Pirates, 187 Ride Or Die, Fantastic Four & Incredible Hulk: Ultimate Destruction SID MEIER'S PIRATES
The burning question when playing this game isn’t how pretty are the graphics are or how slick the sound is. It’s just who the fuck is Sid Meier and how did he have the balls to put his name in the title? And a video game about ...READ MORE
GRIMEWATCH With the return of REAL football, you'd think the love for grime would die down. NO! What the fuck are you on bitch!?!?!...READ MORE
DADSNEYLAND Welcome to the Not So Fun Park On a recent visit to Wellington, I had the misfortune of encountering a wall mural bearing the slogan 'We did not inherit the earth from our ancestors, we borrowed it from our children.' Damned if I didn't almost drop my cancer stick and punch the nearest orga...READ MORE
I WANT MY DVDS Re-Visiting "Father" and The Source Family, Blood Duster: The Shape of Death to Come, Paradise Lost/Revelations: Paradise Lost 2, Punk: Attitude - A Film By Don Letts, Spend An Evening With Saddle Creek...READ MORE
YOUNG GUNS Smoosh Are Totally Rad Just when we thought we'd found the youngest band in the world with Be Your Own Pet, we were sent an amazing album by two girls who look and sound way younger than those guys. So, we looked into it and it turns out they have BYOP beat by a mile. Asya and Chloe...READ MORE
WILD CHILD Tom Vek Had It Good It seems that UK electro-pop purveyor, Tom Vek, also has a unique angle on inter-generational relationships. See, he also likes his parents. Hmmm, what the fuck is that about? Don't get me wrong, my folks weren't the total pricks they could've been, but like a...READ MORE
DOOMSDAY METAL For this months parental advisory event we're putting our money on Lords of Chaos the movie. Feral House, who published the gruesome tales of the bloody birth of True Norwegian Black Metal have optioned the filmmaking rights to ZU33. We are looking forward to ...READ MORE
THE WITTEN EFFECT No Boom Boom Boomers in Sight Benjamin Theves's love of music was awakened the same way it is for most kids, during a break dance contest to Michael Jackson's "Smooth Criminal" when he was eight. 15 years later he's about to seriously blow up with his first official release, the not electr...READ MORE
EW, I SAW MY PARENTS DOING IT! Ellen: When I got my first job I rushed home to tell my parents all about my first day at work. I had never thought of them as sexual beings and was surprised to see them in action. It seemed kind of violent, but I guess I was just stunned. I remember t...READ MORE
VICE FASHION - BE COOL TO YOUR GRANDPARENTS Your grandparents are really cool, and you should be cool back to them. If they are white, then they used to say things like, "Are you telling me that loan was illegal, Stan? Well, the State of Louisiana will have no part in the repayment of an illegal loan." ...READ MORE
