My dog goes into these fits of intense floor licking. Mostly because he’s a puppy mill dog, I assume. On one occasion he happened to lick and swallow a sewing needle. The thing got lodged in his throat and looked like a huge fucking tumor from the outside. I took him to the vet and they x-rayed him and explained that it would cost $400 to cut him open and remove it. I didn’t have it so I said fuck off, went home, Goggled the problem at hand and figured I could pop the needle right out through his skin. After two beers I grew the man balls to do it, my mom held him down and after positioning the needle to where it needed to come out — pop! Got the needle through the flesh and yanked it out with a pair of pliers. Now I don’t think people are nuts when they say doctors are thieves.
BILLY MOORE
