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Cover photo by Terry Richardson
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  CHEESEBURGER GAME
RULES:
Get four people together andplay this booze cruise of a game. You'll need a case of beer, soome gross liquor, and a bit of the "devil's dandruff."
This game was made by the band Cheeseburger. You can listen to a couple of their jams while you play....
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 ARE YOU A CUNT?
Take This Fun Test and Find Out!1: Your former best friend has a NEW best friend, and the two of them totally ignore you out as they parade down the school halls with their arms locked together. To retaliate, you decide to:
A Host a pity party, with yourself as the only guest.
B Confront your friend about it–prefe...
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 AH, SO! WUZZ-A UP-A?
Have you ever wondered what kind of a world we'd live in right now if, instead of committing atrocities against each other, evil men and despots just worked out their frustrations writing some music? I've wondered that. Here are the record-sales-figure equivalents of some of the most effed-up things...
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 DEAR DIARY
Entry: February 1993February 1993
I went to the Roxy and met this kid Mike Rubin. He's the drummer for the Warped Weeble Wobbles. He is the greatest. A sophomore at BU and the smartest kid. I cut my hair. My life is so boring. I'm just waiting for something to happen. If something doesn't happen soon I'm going ...
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 MAFIA PARTY
I'm going to tell you about a parlor game that sounds like the corniest Christian-camp-organized fun you could imagine but that you will instantly become addicted to, guaranteed (unless you're Janeane Garofalo). The game is called Mafia and a Russian psychologist developed it in the early 70s, so th...
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 DOS & DON'TS
Tiny shorts and little legs stuffed into big leather boots puts girls on a Country-and-Western pedestal that says, "I'm frail and delicate enough to always make you horny" BUT "I am also prepared to defend you and kick the shit out of anyone that disparages you in any way." When you see girls like t...
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 THE GREATEST LOVER
Black or White or Male or Female?I was a lesbian for ten years and then one day I decided I wasn't. Or at least, I wasn't sure anymore. Most people instinctively know what they like sexually, but what about those of us who don't? How do we figure it out? First I tried to decide based on what kind of porn I like, but the only kind o...
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 SPECIAL DOS & DON'TS COMPETITION-FILL IN THESE CAPTIONS!
Are you funny? You're not? OK, then just be really, really brutally honest about how these two pictures make you feel and it will probably come out funny. That's right, all you have to do to win this amazing competition (and all the great prizes that come with it–including fame) is write any kind of...
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 I'M BUSTED
In the pen there ain't a whole hell of a lot to do. Prisoners develop hobbies to keep their minds occupied, because like my man Sport says, "Idle minds court chaos." Courting chaos in prison can quickly lead to death. If you mess with the wrong joker at the wrong time you might end up with a dull me...
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 EXQUISITE CORPSES AND SUCH
Young Jeezy's Parlor GameAlthough his logo is an adorable drawing of an iced-out snowman, Young Jeezy is more crafty than artsy. While coming up in the trap, he didn't have much time to devote to sketching, decoupage, crocheting, or gouache–let alone pottery. He did, however, have a penchant for the pen. But he doesn't writ...
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 SKINEMA
Do you know why people love buffets? Aside from them being retardedly inexpensive, all-you-can-gorge glutton fests? ...
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 GO! GO! GO!
The Fucking Go! Team Get Going!The Go! Team make music that sounds like that rare feeling of pure elation you get when you've had a perfect, nightmare-free sleep, the sunshine is streaming in through the blinds of your really nice big apartment, and a person you love is cooking your favorite breakfast.
Then when you're done ...
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 TIDBITS
A monthly look at things we love - v12n5EN METER
Here's some fun facts about Scientology.
1. They use this machine to measure your En Grams.
2. En Grams are mental scars that come from past lives (like say you were molested in 1402).
3. This machine detects these scars by making you hold these weird cylindrical ...
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 BIG MOUTHS
Pelican Take RisksIf you're a wimp and can't just dive into some Cannibal Corpse, Pelican is the gateway drug to contemporary metal. After this it's all Venom, Old Man Gloom, and Pushing Up Daisies.
These four guys from Chicago (aka the worst shithole on earth) might look semi-emo, but their instrumental met...
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 FIND THE EYEHATEGOD STASH
This maze is a typical day in the life of Eyehategod. You wake up, get through your shitty day job, get high, sleep, get high, drive around lookin' for shit, get ripped off, then get good shit but get busted by the pigs. The prize at the end of the maze is a fat bag of coke....
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 VICE PICTURES
Four Designers Have a GoBeer Bong It! We asked four clothes-affiliated artists whom we like to give us their take on one of the finest folk-art traditions that America has developed–the beer bong....
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 DRAW A FUNNY FACE
Choose a Devin Flynn-drawn face to mess with, and then click and drag your mouse to draw all over it. Email us a screenshot of your best effort. We'll be posting the cream of the crop here....
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 GETTING A TATTOO
The Wisdom Of Such A ThingI've tattooed over 10,000 people and there's been lots of regrettable tattoo stories.
There's a general feeling I have that if you don't feel strongly enough about a sentiment to get it tattooed on you in English, then you probably don't feel all that strongly about it. I certainly haven't ...
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 INVASION OF THE REPTILES
The Bedtime Story I Tell My KidOnce upon a time man and woman used to live to be over 700-years-old here on earth.
At that time the earth was a heaven and a lot newer than all the other planets. Mars, which is the closest in our solar system was thriving with life, as well as the three star Planet Sirus and what we call ...
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 I WANT MY DVDS
Sheer Terror: Beaten By The Fists Of God, Heartworn Highways, Gravion: Divine Steel...
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 ELECTRIC INDEPENDENCE
Did you hear about Vitalic? Some arsehole stole his laptop last month in that Cargo venue in Shoreditch just after he'd soundchecked which meant he couldn't play what was due to be his most important London show (after the blanket praise for OK Cowboy) and would easily have been the highlight of the...
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 GAMES
Destroy All Humans, SCAR: Squadra Corse Alfa RomeoDestroy All Humans
Genre: Alien shooter
Developer: THQ
Platform: PS2, Xbox
As well as great things like experimental bisexuality, funk metal, Prodigy and dreadlocked beards, the early 90s were halcyon days for UF0-spotting and alien abduction....
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 GRIMEWATCH
How to make your own grime magazine! ...
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 LITERARY
The Cocaine Chronicles, Muzzlers, Guzzlers And Good Yeggs, Peter Sotos,The Cocaine Chronicles
Edited by Phillips & Tervalon
Akashic Books
This is worth picking up from somebody's toilet floor if just for the Jerry Stahl piece where he details the delights of blowing cocaine up his ageing dealer's rectum to score a free gramme....
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 DOOMS DAY METAL
Even though Varg Vikernes has been in jail for the past ten years, having his books published by his mother and with no intentions what so ever of ever making black metal music again (ever), Burzum is still one of the first words from every newbie metalist's mouth when it comes to black metal. Mayhe...
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 PRISON ART SKETCH PAD
By KennethThis one is called "Rebirth." I believe you come back. Though I haven't seen this guy, Dimitri, again. And the angel is my niece. She has died from cancer three times, but she's still alive. She's really unique, and her godmother is Catherine Zeta-Jones. Ten years is coffee break time. Just being on...
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