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You can dress up a track suit in all the jewelry and stupid Polish shoes you want. You’re still wearing a textile designed for sluts, fat people, exhausted moms, and the unemployed.
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We love Canada and everything but Calgary girls are not exactly the kind of thing David Lee Roth is going to write a song about. They’re just a little too “Brosephine.”
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PINK IN BLUE
How Gay are the Dutch Police?
MARION BARRY: GUARDIAN ANGEL OF ...
By Ian Svenonius
THE RETURN OF NEW YORK CITY
Bands Like The Centuries Fight Evil And W...
THE CHEEK OF IT ALL
The Cops Are Coming For Your Ass






TIDBITS
A monthly look at things we love - v12n5
LITERARY
The Cocaine Chronicles, Muzzlers, Guzzler...
DRAW A FUNNY FACE
Choose a Devin Flynn-drawn face to mess w...
THE GREATEST LOVER
Black or White or Male or Female?



We thought this guy was just another rent-a-cop loser until a huge convertible full of girls drove by yelling, “We wanna fuck you Eazy” and he yelled back, “I wanna fuck you too!”
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SPECIAL DOS & DON'TS COMPETITION-FILL IN THESE CAPTIONS!


Are you funny? You're not? OK, then just be really, really brutally honest about how these two pictures make you feel and it will probably come out funny. That's right, all you have to do to win this amazing competition (and all the great prizes that come with it—including fame) is write any kind of amusing captions below these two pictures and mail the whole page to Vice Magazine DOs & DON'Ts Competition, 97 North 10th St. #202, Brooklyn, NY 11211. If you're too lazy to do that you can always email your comments to vice@viceland.com. Note: We will be posting these on Viceland but we won't be counting them in the competition because that's no fun.





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