BIG MOUTHS

If you're a wimp and can't just dive into some Cannibal Corpse, Pelican is the gateway drug to contemporary metal. After this it's all Venom, Old Man Gloom, and Pushing Up Daisies.

These four guys from Chicago (aka the worst shithole on earth) might look semi-emo, but their instrumental metal rains down the thunder of the gods and blows other bands like Mogwai and Godspeed off their rocking chairs. Here guitarist Laurent sits down with us to play Risk.

VICE: Have you guys ever played this game before?

Laurent: I played with my parents, all the time.

If you could dominate the world, how would you do it?

I know some bad men strategize this shit pretty deeply and still end up conquering very little and getting stuck with covering up a lot of collateral damage. I would conquer through fun and dance. I do a special dance called the Elf Dance. You really should see it in person. It makes everyone laugh and hug. I think that'd be a great way to bring people together. But that's not really domination, is it? Damn. That's why I don't play this fucking game. I actually remember losing a lot because I attacked pathetically.

I like to place armies on at least two or three continents right away rather than move quickly to complete occupation.

That's a great strategy. You should bring Coke and McDonald's with you, too. That'll help you soften up the locals.

How do you fortify your defenses?

I play the Earache back catalogue relentlessly for my troops. It gets them pumped, and it scares off invading forces who are not familiar with this muscular form of music. People know better than to move on a territory where Entombed, Morbid Angel, and Napalm Death are playing at ear-splitting volume on loudspeakers.

If you abstain from attacking, does that make you a pussy?

Yes. And I have no problem getting called that by men with smaller penises and testosterone issues. I know my woman loves her sensitive man. Can you lay off the Risk shit, please?

OK, fine. Tell me a story about a game you play on each other.

I play "Goodbye and Hello Monster." I'm not about to explain what it entails. It's a very complex scary monster and chasing type thing. It's all good fun, though. No one gets hurt. I'm sure it'd be easier to explain to a French person.

ANGELA KURIAK
Pelican's 20-minute single, March into the Sea, is out on Hydra Head Records. Their new album The Fire in our Throats Will Beckon The Thaw, is out in July.

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