NEWSLETTER



DOS & DON'TS

Put a knife in this Sheep on Drugs mad scientist’s hand and he’s reading my mind as to what I’m doing as I creep up behind him on the dance floor. Comments/Enlarge | See all


Yelling shit from cars is primarily for drunken jocks and other people who haven't gotten over high school but you've got to admit that it's extremely easy and feels guiltily satisfying when you screech away. It's like the beating-off-to-Bangbus of insults. Comments/Enlarge | See all








Cover photo by Terry Richardson




-3787SHOW US A FUNNY FACE AND TELL US ABOUT YOUR LONELIEST MOMENT

When my sister died.
Running out of crack at a peep show.
When I moved in by myself....READ MORE
-3786CHEESEBURGER GAME

RULES:
Get four people together andplay this booze cruise of a game. You'll need a case of beer, soome gross liquor, and a bit of the "devil's dandruff."
This game was made by the band Cheeseburger...READ MORE
-3785ARE YOU A CUNT?
Take This Fun Test and Find Out!
1: Your former best friend has a NEW best friend, and the two of them totally ignore you out as they parade down the school halls with their arms locked together. To retaliate, you decide to:
A Host a pity party, with yourself as the only guest.READ MORE
-3784VICE FASHION - THE RAINY DAY ISSUE

Photos by Glynnis McDaris & James Pearson-Howes...READ MORE
-3783THE VICE GUIDE TO YOU

Illustration by Patrick McEown...READ MORE
-3782AH, SO! WUZZ-A UP-A?

Have you ever wondered what kind of a world we'd live in right now if, instead of committing atrocities against each other, evil men and despots just worked out their frustrations writing some music? I've wondered that. Here are the record-sales-figure equival...READ MORE
-378110 THINGS TO DO WITH A DEAD RAT - PHOTOS AND MOVIE

Make it listen to Elliot Smith.
Send it to Iraq.
Make it read i-D....READ MORE
-3780DEAR DIARY
Entry: February 1993
I went to the Roxy and met this kid Mike Rubin. He's the drummer for the Warped Weeble Wobbles. He is the greatest. A sophomore at BU and the smartest kid. I cut my hair. My life is so boring. I'm just waiting for something to happen. If something doesn't happ...READ MORE
-3779MAFIA PARTY

I'm going to tell you about a parlor game that sounds like the corniest Christian-camp-organized fun you could imagine but that you will instantly become addicted to, guaranteed (unless you're Janeane Garofalo). The game is called Mafia and a Russian psycholog...READ MORE
-3778DOS & DON'TS

Tiny shorts and little legs stuffed into big leather boots puts girls on a Country-and-Western pedestal that says, "I'm frail and delicate enough to always make you horny" BUT "I am also prepared to defend you and kick the shit out of anyone that disparages yo...READ MORE
-3777THE GREATEST LOVER
Black or White or Male or Female?
I was a lesbian for ten years and then one day I decided I wasn't. Or at least, I wasn't sure anymore. Most people instinctively know what they like sexually, but what about those of us who don't? How do we figure it out? First I tried to decide based on what ...READ MORE
-3776SPECIAL DOS & DON'TS COMPETITION-FILL IN THESE CAPTIONS!

Are you funny? You're not? OK, then just be really, really brutally honest about how these two pictures make you feel and it will probably come out funny. That's right, all you have to do to win this amazing competition (and all the great prizes that come with...READ MORE
-3775HEY KIDS... IT'S TIME FOR SOME DUMB MYTHS AND SMART FACTS ABOUT SLAVERY!

If you're a typical VICE reader, you're about halfway through elementary school-or maybe you're a member of the magazine's ever-expanding preschool readership. Either way, you're very young, and your mind and sexuality are easily molded by bad people wh...READ MORE
-3774I'M BUSTED

In the pen there ain't a whole hell of a lot to do. Prisoners develop hobbies to keep their minds occupied, because like my man Sport says, "Idle minds court chaos." Courting chaos in prison can quickly lead to death. If you mess with the wrong joker at the wr...READ MORE
-3773EXQUISITE CORPSES AND SUCH
Young Jeezy's Parlor Game
Although his logo is an adorable drawing of an iced-out snowman, Young Jeezy is more crafty than artsy. While coming up in the trap, he didn't have much time to devote to sketching, decoupage, crocheting, or gouache-let alone pottery. He did, however, have a p...READ MORE
-3772SKINEMA
By Chris Nieratko
BELLADONNA'S FUCKING GIRLS AGAIN
Do you know why people love buffets? Aside from them being retardedly inexpensive, all-you-can-gorge glutton fests? It's that they have a little something for everyone. If you like fish, they got you. Meat and potat...READ MORE
-3771GO! GO! GO!
The Fucking Go! Team Get Going!
The Go! Team make music that sounds like that rare feeling of pure elation you get when you've had a perfect, nightmare-free sleep, the sunshine is streaming in through the blinds of your really nice big apartment, and a person you love is cooking your favorit...READ MORE
-3770TIDBITS
A Monthly Look At Things We Love - The Rainy Day Issue
EN METER
Here's some fun facts about Scientology.
1. They use this machine to measure your En Grams.
2. En Grams are mental scars that come from past lives...READ MORE
-3769BIG MOUTHS
Pelican Take Risks
If you're a wimp and can't just dive into some Cannibal Corpse, Pelican is the gateway drug to contemporary metal. After this it's all Venom, Old Man Gloom, and Pushing Up Daisies.
These four guys from Chicago (aka the worst shithole on earth) might look ...READ MORE
-3768FIND THE EYEHATEGOD STASH

This maze is a typical day in the life of Eyehategod. You wake up, get through your shitty day job, get high, sleep, get high, drive around lookin' for shit, get ripped off, then get good shit but get busted by the pigs. The prize at the end of the maze is a f...READ MORE
-3767VICE PICTURES - FOUR DESIGNERS HAVE A GO
The Rainy Day Issue
Photos by Richard Kern
Beer Bong It! We asked four clothes-affiliated artists whom we like to give us their take on one of the finest folk-art traditions that America has developed—the beer bong...READ MORE
-3766DRAW A FUNNY FACE

Choose a Devin Flynn-drawn face to mess with, and then click and drag your mouse to draw all over it. Email us a screenshot of your best effort. We'll be posting the cream of the crop here....READ MORE
-3765GETTING A TATTOO
The Wisdom Of Such A Thing
I've tattooed over 10,000 people and there's been lots of regrettable tattoo stories.
There's a general feeling I have that if you don't feel strongly enough about a sentiment to get it tattooed on you in English, then you probably don't feel all that str...READ MORE
-3764INVASION OF THE REPTILES
The Bedtime Story I Tell My Kid
Once upon a time man and woman used to live to be over 700-years-old here on earth.
At that time the earth was a heaven and a lot newer than all the other planets. Mars, which is the closest in our solar system was thriving with life, as well as the three...READ MORE
-3763I WANT MY DVDS

Sheer Terror: Beaten By The Fists Of God, Heartworn Highways, Gravion: Divine Steel...READ MORE
-3762ELECTRIC INDEPENDENCE

Did you hear about Vitalic? Some arsehole stole his laptop last month in that Cargo venue in Shoreditch just after he'd soundchecked which meant he couldn't play what was due to be his most important London show (after the blanket praise for OK Cowboy) and wou...READ MORE
-3761GAMES
Destroy All Humans & SCAR: Squadra Corse Alfa Romeo
DESTROY ALL HUMANS
As well as great things like experimental bisexuality, funk metal, Prodigy and dreadlocked beards, the early 90s were halcyon days for UF0-spotting and alien abduction...READ MORE
-3760GRIMEWATCH

Grimewatch Special: How to make your own grime magazine!
RULE NUMBER 1:
DON’T HIRE ANY ‘GRIME JOURNALISTS’
I’m not saying that there aren’t any good music journalists covering grime. It’s just it sounds more real coming from those w...READ MORE
-3759LITERARY
Book Reviews - The Rainy Days Issue
THE COCAINE CHRONICLES
This is worth picking up from somebody’s toilet floor if just for the Jerry Stahl piece where he details the delights of blowing cocaine up his ageing dealer’s rectum to score...READ MORE
-3758DOOMSDAY METAL

Even though Varg Vikernes has been in jail for the past ten years, having his books published by his mother and with no intentions what so ever of ever making black metal music again (ever), Burzum is still one of the first words from every newbie metalist's m...READ MORE
-3757PRISON ART SKETCH PAD
By Kenneth
This one is called "Rebirth." I believe you come back. Though I haven't seen this guy, Dimitri, again. And the angel is my niece. She has died from cancer three times, but she's still alive. She's really unique, and her godmother is Catherine Zeta-Jones. Ten y...READ MORE