Parties are only fun when you’re drunk. It’s sad but true. Everyone basically turns into your worst nightmare but that’s ok because so do you. When you’re sober, the annoying habits of drunk people are magnified tenfold and you find yourself hating everything you had ever held close. It used to be that if you didn’t feel like drinking you were pretty well screwed. That was until someone came up with a no-fail solution that takes all the hard work out of getting shit-faced: a vapouriser which essentially I.Vs pure alcohol straight to your brain.

The mechanics of the AWOL (Alcohol Without Liquid) are fairly simple. A shot of alcohol is poured into a diffuser capsule which is connected to a pipe. Oxygen bubbles are then pumped through the booze-bong, absorbing the alcohol and creating a vapour that you suck through a tube. Wait 10 seconds and voila, you’re wasted! Promoters claim the product gets you drunk ten times faster than drinking.

The machine promises a “hangover, calorie and carb free way to enjoy alcohol”. It sounds futuristic and way too good to be true right? Maybe that’s why the party police (aka the Federal Government) reacted by banning it in Australia not long after its introduction. Or maybe it is because inhaling alcohol can result in rapid intoxication, increase the risk of damage to the brain and can lead to dementia in the long term? Whatever.

So most people have never even been able to try what is essentially the perfect solution to every party woe, but I spoke to a couple that did—Sydneysiders Matt and Andrew. They were so bummed about not having access to it that they took it upon themselves to make one of their own.

VICE: Right, so take us through the design process involved here.

Matt and Andrew: We just put the alcohol in my asthma nebuliser and it turns the alcohol into a vapour which we inhale. Then I don’t remember.

How drunk does it get you and how fast?

Well the first time we used it we put in Bacardi 151 and that fucked us up pretty quickly. One minute you’re totally cool and the next minute you’re watching yourself dance across the living room. It’s like an out of body experience. One time Matt kept dancing straight through a plate glass door, which was hilarious until he ended up in the emergency room getting thousands of stitches.

So what’s better—alcohol with or without liquid?

We prefer conventional drinking when we’re sitting around at a BBQ or something. It’s an occasional thing you know? I mean you don’t wanna overdo it.

LAURA PARKER

COMMENTS

Subject: pssshhhttt Date: Oct 07 2006 06:55:03 PM Author: mc oh yeah me my boy used to go robo trippin interveniously while getting fucked up on frozen nitroglycerin supositories Subject: doesn't work Date: Jul 26 2005 10:23:39 PM Author: damit i tried this - fucking sat inhaling all sorts of booze through my nebuliser for 1 HOUR! and guess what - NOTHING FUCKING HAPPENS! Subject: Over-Intoxication Date: Jun 19 2005 04:26:09 PM Author: JiBBo Dude thats so fucked, heres a tip i have learned after many years work in melbourne bars: 1. Be responsible when drinking, as i have seen so many people go out and by the end of the night are in the morgue due to alcohol poisoning, it can be SO SERIOUS!! 2. Inhaling alcohol was band for a reason as was the idea by a few med student morons that if you goit a specially designed iv line and bag it could be filled with vodka and directly inserted to the veins of your neck. R.I.P Bartz & Mickey. Dont get me wrong my life basically revolves around drinking as i drink where i work quiet often and i get so shitfaced but my point is clear always watch what you drink as intoxication dose'nt completly render you unknowing to whats going on and its not an excuse for over-abuse. If your bartender tells you to go home dont just change bars as we are only looking out for you. if you wanna flame me my e-mail is Loco_irishman@hotmail.com i'll still tell you the same thing!. Cheers JiBBo Subject: wheres duck support? Date: Jun 07 2005 02:56:58 AM Author: Quacky mc quack worth quacky hasnt eaten in days cause this crystal meth feind needs to support her habbit dont trust this author with ur children Subject: LAURA PARKER is a cunt Date: Jun 07 2005 02:56:43 AM Author: u cunt does this writer have a fuckin clue Subject: spicy nose singapura style Date: Jun 07 2005 01:02:45 AM Author: asian guy me and my friend used to snort tequila for fun its more painfull than snorting E but its kinda good cos'it goes straight to your head and not your gut and you gots to do boths nostrils other wise you have one eye ball poping out might as well pop em both out like a real freak...