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DOS & DON'TS

Why do girls keep grabbing each other's lower lip every time you point a camera at them and, more importantly, why the fuck does that turn us on? Is it because that's how you used to pick out healthy horses and now we've all got a vestigial gum fetish, or do our minds just take that "millions of fish in the sea" crap way too literally? Comments/Enlarge | See all


We hereby defy anyone to top: A bra-less, sweat-stained, cream bodysuit with duct-taped boots, a leather side bag, and a necklace of crushed jalapenos. She's like nude 2.0. Comments/Enlarge | See all






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ALSO BY LESLEY ARFIN

DEAR DIARY
Entry: 1998
DEAR DIARY
Entry: 1990
DEAR DIARY
Entry: January, 1995
DEAR DIARY
Entry: April 1996

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DEAR DIARY

Entry: 1992

Published April, 2005


1992
Dear Diary,
So now everyone hates me and I'm BFF with Marcie and Marissa. Marissa was ranking Sheryl out and then Sheryl called here and MY MOM ranked her out! So now I'm kinda scared to go to school. Marcie invited me to her beach party and I'll probably wear my crushed velvet bathing suit but with a t-shirt over it because I'm flat. My grandparents are coming. Oh shit I'm pissed!!!!!!!!

2005
I know music isn't mentioned in the above entry, but certain songs really go hand in hand with this time period for me. I think that when everyone in the 6th grade (or "grade 6" for our Canadian readers) started to hate me, I eventually turned to music because, well, you know, music is really awesome. Marcie had a sleepover party instead of a beach party, and we listened to "I Wanna Sex U Up" by Color Me Badd over and over and over. Now whenever I hear, "Tick tock, you don't stop," I can literally smell her rec room with the brown-paneled walls. Ally and I watched as Vinnie and Collin slid their hands up Marcie's shirt, and every time the tape stopped, Ally would flip the cassingle over and start it again. EW! WHY WERE WE WATCHING?? It's all waaaay too sexy for me when I think about it.

We used to be so shameless in the repeating of our favorite songs. CDs were still a new and exciting invention. "Ghetto Bastard" got us really pumped, especially when Treach says at the end, "So stay the FUCK outta the ghetto!" Sitting in my basement, I felt I really understood what he was talking about. I remember memorizing the words to X-Clan's "Fire and Earth" with my friend Jason because of the "Brother Jay" part. Do you know that song? It rules! Some other jams that really mark that time period are: "Deeper Shade of Soul" by Urban Dance Squad, "What's Up?" by 4 Non Blondes (nobody wanted to admit they liked it), "Back 2 Life" by Soul II Soul, "Freak Me" (a.k.a. "Let me lick you up and down") by Silk, "Aiesha" by Another Bad Creation, and "Jump" by Kris Kross. (Gabe Rotter wore his pants backward to school the next day after he saw them on In Living Color!) Jodeci ruled too. I'm sure a lot of you have special songs that make you smell 6th grade when you listen to them, too. I wanna hear them! Memory is a magical creature that jumps over rainbows and giggles with gnomes. Make me a mix tape and send it Vice, OK? I promise I won't rank you out!

LESLEY ARFIN

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Comments

ROCKWELL, on Mar 1, 2010 wrote:
Wow Lesely, you look alarmningly like Meg from <i>Family Guy</i> in this pic. Wait a sec, you ARE Meg Griffin

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