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The train to Pixieland is always late (dewdrops on the line) but at the station you get free copies of the Twinkle Gazette and the girls are made out of snowflakes. Comments/Enlarge | See all



The reason British nerds are so content is they’re not outcasts. The whole country is ugly, misanthropic, too smart for its own good, works at a record distributors, collects Dr. Who DVDs, and is married to a chubby nurse with a kid from another marriage.
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Splosh is a great magazine and all but why is it always frumpy British chicks? Can we not get some young American hunks getting “Wet and Messy”?Comments/Enlarge | See all




Two Jessicas in the middle.

MEET AND GREET

Jessica Simpson is a Powderpuff



I'm one of those people who is a Whitesnake fan. I'm also one of those people who went to a Michael Jackson concert when I was in my teens. He came to Chicago around 1986, and I was very excited. But my very first concert was basically a Tiffany concert. And I saw New Kids on the Block. That was the first time I saw the boys in concert—they were the opening act for Tiffany. One of my favorite moments, however, was meeting Jessica Simpson.

I was 21 when I first met Jessica Simpson. She was born on July 10, 1980. When I first met her about six years ago, she was still pretty young. Her aunt was right next to me at a promotion deal that my dad and I went to. She was promoting her first album. It was called Sweet Kisses. My father worked for Baker and Taylor Entertainment. Baker and Taylor Entertainment is one of those huge companies that contributes computer software, music, books — you name it, they've got everything. My dad was the director of… the director of something.

The promotion was at a bar in Chicago, on the North side, at Green Dolphin Street, on Ashland. The Green Dolphin Street Bar and Grill. She sang a few songs. She did "I Want to Love You Forever." One of the songs I really wanted to hear was the one that went, "Do you ever love somebody…" It was from Dawson's Creek. I would say that was ‘98. My favorite was James Van der Beek.

Then I got to speak with Jessica Simpson for a couple minutes. Some of the conversation I wanted to mention to her was the fact that someday I was going to meet her and her husband. I told her that I wanted to meet her husband if she ever got married. I was very spiritual that if she ever got married, that I would want to be her very first fan. Like that I would still be thinking about her and her family, and would be her number one fan.

This was before she became this ditzy bimbo that she is now. Her husband Nick seems to me to be more of a football star. But she seems like someone who would play powderpuff football. That's when you don't tackle, when you just grab the flags. Nick seems like too nice a guy to me to have her.

If I could meet her again now, I think I would say, "Jessica I wish I could have met more of your family this time, including Ashlee. Because Ashlee and I have one thing in common. Our birthdays are on the same day."

JESSICA GOULD

Click to watch video:


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