NEWSLETTER

JANE FONDA PATCHES Jane Fonda may never live down that time in 1972 when she went to Vietnam to protest the war and was caught grinning in the seat of an antiaircraft gun that was responsible for hundreds of American lives. Maybe we could have some sympathy if we weren’t still drowning in uneducated celebrities preaching to us about international politics. Brad Pitt is an American traitor bitch. SHILLELAGH STICK PIN “This was given to members of the Irish Order of Washington, a now defunct club that used to organize the annual St. Patrick’s Day parade in Seattle. Up until the 50s Irish Catholics couldn’t join the Elks or Masons, so given the choice between the very Catholic Knights of Columbus and the often pissed Irish Order, my grandfather chose the fun one. He was a member for 51 years.” PAT RILEY

SOLID GOLD FUCK TAG “If you wore a fuck tag back in high school it either meant you had lost your virginity or you wanted to lose it, or something to do with fucking. I can’t remember.” MARCY STERNER SUPER BROKER SHUFFLE DVD A scary-as-shit industry video of supermarket grocers telling you they want your business as sales reps, only the entire thing is done as a rap opera!

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POCKET KNOCK ON WOOD This is made by a company in Paris called Lust Project. Knocking on wood is a tradition that came from knocking on the cross for good luck. Then it became just any wood. Today it’s kind of hard to find raw wood sometimes, so you can put this in your pocket or purse in case you catch yourself saying something like, “I don’t know anyone that’s died from cancer.” They even made sure it wasn’t varnished, so your knock goes right in there. BUTTER FACE As we said on page 32, a butter face is an ugly girl with a perfect body. You say you love everything about her but her face. Get it, Palmer? Doye.

GET OUT OF JAIL FOR $20 CARD Actually, they’ll send you one of these for any donation size at all. That’s all it costs to be immune to the racist moniker forever. MARIJUANA LOZENGE Some guy visiting from L.A. gave this to us at karaoke the other night. Later he invited us to Bungalow 8 and we go, “I’d rather fuck my dad than go to that L.A. bar” and he called us “cool jerks” like it was 1950 all over again. FASHION NOW 2 This book carefully documents every fashion designer relevant today. With a one-page write-up and a one-page photo you get Ben Cho and As Four and Jeremy Scott and all those other talented people only girls care about.

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