NEWSLETTER



DOS & DON'TS

You've got to be out of your mind to commit suicide by tiger. Comments/Enlarge | See all


These “I’m so over it” fashion queens who call models “dahling” while making them starve themselves to death so they can stagger down a runway in a see-through garbage bag are way worse for women’s lib than the Taliban is. Comments/Enlarge | See all






RELATED ARTICLES

THE BRUTAL HILLS OF SICILY
In the small Sicilian farming town of Nis...
ANTI-SOCIAL
Living With ASBOs
BOXING OUT
Blackfeet Fighters Carry On
AGAINST ALL ODDS
Against Me! On the Road



FROM THIS ISSUE

HOTEL LIFE
Mike Skinner Works In His Room
BAD KIDS
David Choe's JD Tools
TIDBITS
A Monthly Look At Things We Love - The Ti...
CHRIS NIERATKO'S TIDBITS
A Monthly Look At Things We Love - The Ti...



ALSO BY LESLEY ARFIN

DEAR DIARY
Entry: 9/11/2001
DEAR DIARY
Entry: 1991
DEAR DIARY
Entry: January 1994
DEAR DIARY
Entry: October 1990

See all articles by this contributor




IDLE HANDS

Make Cool Shit Like This



Going to jail in Durango, Mexico is easy l.i.v.i.n. It’s actually not even really punishment at all, which makes one wonder how a handful of murderers, drugs dealers, rapists, child molesters, and petty thieves can ever get rehabilitated. Guess what? They can’t. They go to jail for whatever reason, serve their time, and then go right back out and commit another one.

There’s one big prison, so bicycle thieves hang out with serial killers. They learn a few things, or perhaps they start doing drugs—there’s a pharmacy in the prison that has everything a fiending junkie could need: dope, pills, speed—anything. A drug dealer serves more time than a murderer, and during visiting hours small children jump rope and play jacks with pedophiles, who may serve less time than the guy who stole your TV. Oh, what’s that you ask? Do they form gay relationships with each other and start dropping the soap on purpose? No, because the women’s prison is attached to the men’s. There are four restaurants in the jail where they can wine and dine one another. That, and the sleepover conjugal visits. Did I just say sleepover? Yes, sleepover. They have them a few times a week, and for most of the husbands or wives on the outside, it’s the only place they have to go.

One afternoon I sat in this prison and passed the afternoon over a delightful plate of muffins, coffee, and watermelon slices with squeezed lime y chili powder (it was brought to me by the inmate who runs one of the cafés). A tattooed cholo approached me. He looked mean. Scary. Had a spider web tattooed on his face and India inked teardrops running down his cheeks. His name was Jesus. He offered me his goods. “¿Hola, te gustaria comprar?” he asked. Then for three pesos he handed me this little light bulb with a tiny ship inside. When I took it and thanked mi amigo, he offered me a heavily lacquered wooden bible. I wanted it bad, but I had to stop. Supposedly in this prison, buying one of the inmates’ crafts means you agree to have sex with them in the bathroom. Just kidding…or am I?

LESLEY ARFIN

See all articles by this contributor

< PREV

Comments


POST A COMMENT [SIGN IN]
Hi, in case you haven't heard, you can now sign up to become a "member" of Viceland.com, which entitles you to all sorts of amazing benefits like pictures and a nickname. Click here to make your own profile. You can still comment if you don't, but you gotta do it all 'nonymously.

Name:
Comment: