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DOS & DON'TS

Scoff if you want but VFP Fire Systems, Inc. has an outstanding reputation for performing high challenge projects in the Great Lakes and Mideast regions in addition to working nationally on occasion. Experienced in-house project managers, designers and field technicians evaluate, design, fabricate and install optimal fire protection systems on time and on budget — so go fuck yourself!
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These are the guys who have the audacity to take their shirts off in the middle of the nightclub, mouth the lyrics to a Rihanna song to each other, drink cranberry vodkas and make incredibly heavy eye contact, then call some guy a faggot for wearing leather pants and throw a drink directly at his face. You have to respect their heterosexual-homoerotic circus—it has no laws. Comments/Enlarge | See all






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ALSO BY KEITH WARREN

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GAMES

Games Reviews - The Tidbits Issue

Published December, 2005


Shadow The Hedgehog
Sega
PS2, Xbox
Genre: Platform

The doctor told me to stop playing computer games in 1999 because he said a lot of the games brought on my epilepsy and I’d just blackout if the graphics got too freaky. I could always tell if I was going to have a fit, it’s like a sixth sense, so I’d always turn the computer off in case my parents came in and caught me playing. This is the first game I’ve played in six years and it felt just like old times, only faster and brighter. I feel okay too.

KEITH WARREN
Brothers In Arms: Earned In Blood
Ubisoft
PS2, Xbox
Genre: War

The Germans get slyer and slyer with each new improved edition of this game and harder to kill. So much so that I spent around eight hours straight chasing two Nazis on motorbikes through the ruins of some minor Belgian town. It was super-realistic and by the end I was knackered, zoned out. I know that sounds like some terrible homoerotic fantasy but it really happened.

FRUITY MCGINTY
Peter Jackson’s King Kong
Ubisoft
PS2, Xbox
Genre: Monkey business

Who would win in a fight between King Kong and T-Rex? My money’s on the giant gorilla. Have you seen the dinosaur’s arms? Puny girl arms that are totally out of proportion to the rest of his body. I mean, palaeontologists don’t even have any real proof that this guy even ate meat, let alone liked to kill his prey. Let’s hope Peter Jackson’s King Kong is better than that Godzilla piece of shit anyway.

SYRUP DAVIES

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