Lauren, a 26-year-old from Long Island, is New York City's youngest madam. She rents out girls—mostly models who aren't going to make it—to Wall Streeters who are too busy, lazy, or drunk to pick up girls that might actually like them.
Here's what else we learned:
• Lauren spends a half-million dollars a year in advertising. "TV spots, ads in local papers, even just a page in the yellow pages costs 45 grand," she said.
• Whores beget whores. "I find most of my girls through referrals. Once a girl sees how much money her friend makes, she wants in too."
• Lauren tells callers about the same girl, using different names and several price ranges. "Guys tend to go for the highest-priced girl. All I've got to do is tell her her name before she heads out." Prices stretch from $300 to $1500 per hour, depending on the girl. (Rates are all-inclusive, from first kiss to blowing a load on her tits.)
• Lauren says that one of her girls has dated a guy in a band for a few years (let's just say they're top 40 and their name rhymes with Pimple Glan). "He thinks she models," Lauren admits. "He loves that she has money of her own. Of course, he thinks she makes it modeling. Most models only make like $150 a day, though. You make more waiting tables."
JAKE BRONSTEIN
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This is a post-op picture of our interview subject's catastrophic penile fracture. CLICK THIS PHOTO IF YOU HAVE NOT EATEN WITHIN THE LAST HOUR
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We thought it was an urban legend on par with pop rocks and Coke, but nope—you can fracture your penis. Repeat: YOU CAN FRACTURE YOUR PENIS. Our friend here, who insists on remaining anonymous, did just that.
VICE: How. The. Fuck. Did. This. Happen?
Guy Who Broke His Dick: I was fucking someone really hard, pulling my dick completely in and out. I had an off-target reentry and BANG!
How will I know if I've broken my penis?
Good one. Wait, you're serious? Trust me, you'll know. First you hear a loud cracking or popping noise. Then comes unspeakable pain and instantaneous loss of erection. If you've managed to also tear your urethra, which happens in 10% of cases — including mine — you'll be pressure-spraying your immediate surroundings with an unbelievable amount of blood. I pulled the condom off my broken dick right when it happened, and there were just jets of blood spraying out.
And I'm sure the operation to fix this is totally painless.
Sure. First the doc has to check if your piss tube is still intact. Leave that untreated and you'll be urinating like a lawn sprinkler forevermore. If it's busted, you'll likely be sporting a catheter for a while. Then he'll drain any hematoma and then — and this was the best part — he'll get to patching up your corpora and tunica.
Give it to me in plain English.
OK, OK. I went to a reconstructive penile specialist. He removed the cap of my penis, fixed up the insides, then slid the cap back on and stitched it up.
Can we get a photo?
Oh man. I guess.
GRANT STODDARD |
