Published February, 2005
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Cover photo by Terry Richardson
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 YO! WHAT IS UP?
The Sex Issue
Lauren, a 26-year-old from Long Island, is New York City's youngest madam. She rents out girls-mostly models who aren't going to make it-to Wall Streeters who are too busy, lazy, or drunk to pick up girls that might actually like them...Read more |
  DEAR DIARY
Make-out list: 1990-1997
Because this is the Sex Issue, I decided I would copy down my "sex" list. It's actually more of a make-out list because I only had sex with that last person. The asterixes are for bases.
* means first base, ** means second and/or sloppy second,
*** means...Read more |
 FRANKLY SPEAKING
Fuck Sex
When I was 11 years old, I was alone in the house when the phone rang. It was a stranger's voice, an adult man. He said he could see me through the window. He asked me how old I was and what was going on. Then he told me to go to the refrigerator, get out a ho...Read more |
 DOS & DON'TS
It's wrong to judge gays. You don't know what they go through. It's like, just because you've taken a big shit once or twice doesn't mean you know what it's like to have a big black cock go in and out of your behind. If you really want to know what's going on ...Read more |
 ME SO HORNY
Can You Say "BJ" in Iraqi?
Let's just put it this way...a friend of a friend of a buddy of a pal of ours is a soldier in Iraq. He is utterly in the thick of it. "In the shit," as they say. We can't tell you his name or what branch he's with, but we can show you his photographs. Since th...Read more |
 GROSS JAR
The saga of the second Gross Jar continued this month with the addition of a load of semen.
A Vice staffer, asking to remain anonymous, took one for the team by retrieving the Gross Jar from the windowsill out back, taking it to the bathroom, and u...Read more |
 LANDING A MAN
What Do You Do?
Haley: "I act nice and make myself look like a slut. They seem to like that."
Miho: "I can't explain. I am stylish. Drinking. I came here three days ago."...Read more |
 I'M DYING OVER HERE
My body is my temple, though others now might refer to me as "damaged goods" due to my fight with cancer and the treatments and surgeries I've endured. I am undesirable to some because my body looks like a road map of the US. Others want to fuck me because the...Read more |
 I WANT MY DVDS
Movie Reviews - The Sex Issue
THE WHITE STRIPES: LIVE UNDER BLACKPOOL LIGHTS
It's been said before, but has anybody in the whole history of indie rock had a better rack than Meg White? And how about Jack's package? It's fucking huge. Can you...Read more |
 GAYS OR GIRLS?
Slobbing the Knob for Science
Men have simple sexual needs. They want to cum. That's about it. They might sometimes cum in ways that they think are inventive, like on your face or your tits, but it all comes down to the same end: a squirt of some white ropy stuff followed by a brief Xanax-...Read more |
 LITERARY
Book Reviews - The Sex Issue
HOW TO BE A PRICK WITH WOMEN
OK, here you got your basics. Gary tells us (literally—it's a spoken-word CD) how getting laid is all about being a prick and being a prick is all about "Not getting caught up...Read more |
 DIRTY PIRATES
High on Fire Gives You the Web-Eye
One time, as an "experiment," I put a personal ad on Nerve.com. (I know, I know.) One of the profile questions is "What music puts you 'in the mood'." I answered stoner metal, duh. The best response came from a lawyer whose favorite movie was Secretary. In his...Read more |
 POCKETS DUMB FAT
Dude named Crazy Crook calls into Hot 97's "Street Soldiers" the other night, when they've got a special show devoted to gangs and hip-hop. "All these niggas out there banging in these rap videos," he wondered, "I just wanna know: Is they real with it?" Nice m...Read more |
 FACKING CANTS
Sex Education With Plan B
I don't know about you Yank girls, but I cannot imagine anything more devastating than being called "cunt" in an East London brogue while a skinny white boy with spots and a few scars slides his stiff English dick in and out my fanny. It's called national prid...Read more |
 SKINEMA
By Chris Nieratko
WILD ON SEX VOLUME 3
The box cover says "Shot on location in Montreal, Canada, with the nastiest lesbos ever!" but I think they mean the other kind of nasty. Not the nasty where it's like...Read more |
 CHATTING SHIT
Lady Sovereign Is Barely Legal
Sex symbols in the British grime scene have so far been a little thin on the ground, unless you're a gay man who fancies anorexic black boys from council estates.
So when Lady Sovereign appeared on the scene...Read more |
 TIDBITS
A Monthly Look At Things We Love - The Sex Issue
HAND JOB WORK GLOVES
Beating off old men in the backs of cars is a great way to make five bucks, but what if you're not a gay junkie? How are you supposed to grab that wet little wiener without...Read more |
 VICELAND EXCLUSIVE
Getting Kicked in the Nuts
Being kicked in the nuts isn't as bad as everyone says it is. It's all in the mind. You think it's going to hurt and that's what makes you sick. I mean, if someone really nails you and you feel your nut get squished like a bouncy grape then sure, you feel pret...Read more |
 HOW TO FUCK A STRIPPER
And Still Have Money in Your Pocket
Most people think the way to a stripper's pussy is with money, buying lap dance after lap dance, throwing stacks of singles on stage as they dance, and surprising them with expensive gifts. Those people are idiots. "Marks," as the girls call them. Someone to b...Read more |
 TREASURE TROVE
Grampy's Ancient Porn
When I was 13 my grandfather Adam died. He had lived with my grandmother in a little beach house in Point Pleasant, NJ for over 20 years. He had been a welder most of his life, working in the Newark Machine Shop of the American Can Company. Back then they didn...Read more |
 PICTURES OF YOU
A Life in Hookers
I shot a lot of these pictures between 1982 and the early 90s. They were mostly taken in my apartment in Greenwich Village or, if I was on the road, in hotel rooms in Los Angeles, San Francisco, Boston and Paris. All the guys I picked up on the streets, in Tim...Read more |
 ELECTRIC INDEPENDENCE
It's been mentioned once or twice here already but if you've got broadband and speakers and you're not permanently masturbating yourself into a frenzy to the Cybernetic Broadcasting radio station (cbs.nu) then what are you playing at? This is the online statio...Read more |
 YOU DID WHAT?
Cursed's Singer Goes Balssout
Cursed are from Canada and play all-out-war crusty hardcore that reminds you of Born Against, Nausea, pre-boredom Neurosis and Echonochrist.
Like many other hardcore singers, the frontman Chris Colohan takes things...Read more |
 GRIMEWATCH
January is traditionally an empty kind of month. The whole grime scene has its poker face on and isn't letting any cats out of any bags. Terror is keeping all his new beats close to his chest, Ruff Squad's "Guns & Roses"; mixtape is taking longer to come out t...Read more |
 MY FIRST WANK
Sebastian from DFA 1979 Comes Clean
The very first time I masturbated was probably the most shameful day of my life. I was eleven and my parents had left me home alone for the afternoon. I had all this energy and I didn't know why. I rode my bike to this construction site and wandered around kic...Read more |
 TOO HARD
Phone Sex Ain't As Easy As it Used to Be
If you work at Australia Post in Canberra, you're basically a courier for porn merchants. X-rated video sales are the largest export revenue earner for Canberra with an annual turnover of $34 million, and that means that at least half of Australia Post's couri...Read more |
 LANA
Spell It Backwards and That's What I Do Best
My name is Lana and I'm a transsexual prostitute from Samoa. I've been working the car park down in St Kilda for as long as I can remember. Some of the girls I work with are full change, some, like me, still have their dicks and others are cross-dressers...Read more |
 I GOT YOU BABE
Little Wings is All About the Romance
Next time you're down the beach with a bunch of friends and a lovely young lady asks you to join her 'couple of friends' at their bonfire just over the way, do it. Supremely confident, you can take comfort in knowing that you have an ace up your sleeve. No nee...Read more |
 LOVE INSTRUMENTS
Oh! Belgium Get Sexy
Oh! Belgium annoy a lot of people. Some claim it is the incessant mining of nerd record collections for inspiration that make them hard to swallow. For others, the problem seems to be the treble; the rhythm which powers on beyond its intent like too much meth,...Read more |
 GAMES
Games Reviews - The Sex Issue
GOLDENEYE: ROGUE AGENT
Now that anti-hero games sell more than good vs evil games, the new special Goldeneye gives you the chance to play as James Bond’s most popular enemies. I can’t help but...Read more |
 VICE FASHION - VIRGINS
Photos by Louise Enhörning
Styling by Lisa Sundström
Agnes, 18: I’m not sure why I haven’t had sex yet, but I’ve just never met a guy...Read more |
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