Most people think the way to a stripper’s pussy is with money, buying lap dance after lap dance, throwing stacks of singles on stage as they dance, and surprising them with expensive gifts. Those people are idiots. “Marks,” as the girls call them. Someone to be siphoned until not one drop of cash is left.

There is only one surefire way to pull a stripper and it has nothing to with personality or money (although those things don’t hurt). The secret is DRUGS.

Contrary to what many pro-stripper films and documentaries tell you, 9 out of 10 strippers are on drugs of some sort.* Be it coke, dust, weed, pills, booze, if a girl’s job is to climb up on stage and spread her gash for a bunch of sweaty, over-weight mutts in ill-fitting work clothes you’d better believe it takes a certain type of courage that can only be had from illegal substances. Knowing that, the key to making a needy young sex kitten your slave for the night (or the week) is to always be holding. But you have to make sure you’re carrying the right stuff for the type of stripper you’re trying to bang. It just so happens that this whole thing can be broken down racially. Along with the genetic yarns that make a woman a certain color go these little strands that decide their drug proclivities. Don’t freak out—I didn’t write the rules here. God did. I just follow them.

WHITE STRIPPERS (BLONDE)
White chicks love coke. It’s as simple as that. Any stripper worth sticking your dick in is between the ages of 18-28, meaning they were born between 1976 and 1986, which makes their moms either 70s disco coke whores or 80s yuppie coke sluts. Either way, the coke slut gene has been inherited by their daughter. When she asks if you’d like a lap dance, respond: “No, I want to get out of here and do some blow. What time are you done tonight?” That’s usually enough to get you in, but for added emphasis it helps to pull her to the side, dump some powder on your fist and give it to her to prove you’re for real. (Don’t buy beat shit. Strippers who love coke know coke. You’re not getting anywhere with shit that’s been stepped on ten times.)

WHITE STRIPPERS (TATTOOED AND/OR WITH PUNK HAIRCUTS)
This is a somewhat trickier bunch to read because they like pills and saying someone “likes pills” is like saying someone “likes music.” You’ve got to either roll the dice on a narrow spectrum of possibilities (uppers, downers, psyche, or pain) or you can be smart and invest in a smorgasbord of pharmaceuticals and have all your bases covered. There’s nothing worse than sparking a girl’s interest only to learn she likes Xanax and you’ve got a pocket full of Ritalin. Pretend that you’re going fishing and you’ve got an empty tackle box. You’re going to need a little of everything: lures, bobbers, hooks, etc. Pills are inexpensive ($5-$8 a pop), so see if you can work out a deal with your man on a variety bottle. At that price you shouldn’t think twice about pissing them away. Offer a blue to the first girl you see. If she takes it, she’ll go and tell the other girls. Give 10mg to each and every girl in the club. 10 strippers = 10 pills = 50 bucks. No big deal. If you have enough to get each girl high on the job, one of those girls is going to have enough brains to realize you’ve probably got more. She’ll be the one to ask you, “What are you doing later?”

BLACK STRIPPERS
The black stripper is difficult to snare, especially for a white male. Their drug of choice, weed, is the cheapest drug on the market and easiest to obtain. This makes them the most affordable fuck, but you’re white and you have to compensate. That’s where things get expensive. Don’t freak out, it’s still completely doable. First, start by tipping. Don’t go crazy. Just a dollar or two here and there to let her know you’re interested. This will automatically put you ahead of any black patrons in the club because it is well documented that black males do not tip at strip clubs.** Your next move is to have better than average weed. Like flowers, girls like weed that smells nice. It helps to tell them that it’s from your boy’s crop, and has been featured on the cover of High Times three times and it’s Redman and Snoop’s favorite weed. It’s important that this lie and the two following lies be convincing: “Yeah, I know Snoop,” and “Next time he’s in town, I’ll introduce you.” That should take care of it. For added effect I like to lie and say I make beats and ask them if they want to go over to my studio after they get off work. This helps to both sell the con and save money on hotel rooms. Be sure to know where a local recording studio is. A cheap one is between $75 and $150 an hour, which is cheaper than taking her to a nice hotel. Be sure to bring the new Usher CD and when her favorite song comes on tell her you made the beat. Then turn one of the knobs on that big mixing board thing in front of you.

OTHER STRIPPERS
That is correct, I am going to lump together all Asian, Latin, Paki, Euro strippers, along with anything else that might have just come off the boat and amputees. This category is really your best bet, especially Euro girls, because all they want is to be loved and taken care of and what drug emits more love than Ecstasy? The reality is you could give them mescaline and they’d take it without caring.*** A key with foreigners is to make them feel welcome in America. This is accomplished by telling them you don’t detect an accent, that they speak great English and that you basically understand and agree with whatever they are saying regardless of the fact that you can only make out every fourth word. To do this convincingly, you must practice. Go to your stereo and put on some rap music that you can’t understand the lyrics to (most any rap will work), turn up the volume just slightly, then go into your bathroom and shut the door. You should not be able to easily hear more than reverb and bass. Stare dead in the mirror, strain your ears and try to decipher the lyrics without looking unsure, without creasing your forehead and pursing your eyes.  If you can convince your mind that you know every lyric to that Ghostface song, using only your eyes and facial expressions, you’ll be able win any foreigner over, completely negating their self-consciousness. Using drugs as bait, of course.

Before you go running to your phone to cop there are a few more things you need to be aware of when trying to run this kind of game. First, and most importantly, is that you don’t ever do the drugs. If you’re an addict don’t even bother because you’ll always take the drugs over the girl and might even get arrested for beating a girl for touching your shit without asking. You can get high all you want when she’s gone but while you’re with her you have to pretend to inhale, go take a piss when your turn to bang a rail comes around, throw the pill over your shoulder and pretend to pop it. Sounds lame but you need to have full control over the situation. I’m telling you from experience, strippers are cunning, any sign of weakness and you’ll wake up without your pants, your wallet and your drugs. Secondly, realize you only get one shot of pulling them out of the club. If it doesn’t happen that night, it doesn’t happen. Don’t play yourself by giving your number and don’t take a number. Consider it a failed attempt and go home and get high. Lastly, and I can’t stress this enough, don’t let them know where you live. If you can, take them to a hotel (or the studio). If you’ve blown all your money on the drugs and are forced to take them back to your place, take the most ridiculously fucked up route ever to get there. Then after you’re done with them, give some more drugs to fry their brain a little more and put them right in cab and send them on their way (instructing the driver to use an alternate, more confusing route.). As a child you had a great many dreams of things you wanted in your lifetime, and I’m pretty sure that a drug-hungry whore knocking on your door at 4 in the morning was not one of them.

CHRIS NIERATKO

*All research conducted and collected solely by Nieratko and proven to be 100% accurate.


For every gem like Nieratko’s missive above, we get ten clunkers that are entertaining in an entirely different way. (It’s fun to read pieces where retarded people try to think.)

YOU ARE NEVER GETTING IN

 

By Gloria Glory

 

One of the greatest things about dewds is their ability to assume every woman wants them. The greatest things about dewds are that they continue to believe this in places such as Strip Clubs. Let’s get one thing straight as far as we dancers are concerned it’s a JOB - period. Part of the job is finding your stories about eating a hot dog and then going home to take a crap the most fascinating hunk of conversation ever shared.

Well guess what you’re as sexy as a weather report, not a poet laureate; you are your own poetic justice. You would have a better chance screwing Queen Elizabeth after regaling her with your hair gel stories. Ergo, for the men who act like they are doing us a favor or tey bringing roses to a strip club because there was a “connection”, here’s a few reasons why you are doomed.

 

PLANNINNG TO GO TO THE CLUB:

Let me guess: You find yourself going alone or with all male jock friends who are horrible with women…

 

Solution: JUST STOP! Call your mom and explain that you are horrible with women, start to cry and then go to bed. It’s better than accidentally overhearing us mention that you are a gorgeous example of an unattractive guy.

 

YOUR ARRIVAL SUCKS

What you do: Apparently you haven’t called your mother yet so you think you are still in the game. SIT DOWN!

What you do:

Guys who come in and make a “mother fucking ruckus” translates into a “mother fucking fuck us - financially”. It pisses of everyone including the guy jacking off at his table. He even feels superior to you.

 

 

Gynecology row is a Gynecology No! Maybe sitting right in front the stage impresses a girl at a Sting concert but it a peeler bar it tells the girls you think went to a Sting concert.

 

Just do this: Sit to the side of the stage in the shadows like a sexy Vincent Price. DO NOT make a seen.  How impressed do you think we’ll get you’re in a peeler bar for fuck sake.

 

HYGIENE

The smell of a guy can be amazing if you’re into him but if not (ie you) your personal odor is as welcome as a waft of a stranger’s pepperoni belch. Cover it up with something, but before you do

ask yourself this: “Did I use a judicial amount of cologne or do I smell like I should be wedged between the pages of GQ? If you reek of shitty cologne go down the street to Planet Hollywood and find your wife.

Why we hate cologne:

The fact that I’m explaining this is making me furious! It REEKS and after smelling 40 different carefully chosen “scents” we’ve done more damage to our nasal cavity than the blow we just did. All your doing is effectively telling the girls that you have the expectations of a horny ten year old and you actually believe hip hop music videos are self improvement tapes.

 

 

ORDERING A DRINK

Make it short and sweet. The longer you take ordering while the waitress is there causes a log jam inhibiting you from being the man you think you are.

Complaining about drink prices in a strip bar is like complaining about not getting across the border American in a pot leafed “legalize it” shirt.

Why we hate it:

If you are losing your bald coconut over a $1.50 you’re not exactly going to be peeling out the dead Prime ministers for my perfect ass.

 

CONVERSATION

This is the deal ender is almost every case. You are in a strip club. Do you walk into a grocery store expecting free food cause your bragging about how much you eat?

Your cock, sex stories and financial success stories are BORING. If you somehow pull a David Copperfield they will figure it out on your date, in fact even Coppefield couldn’t hypnotize Claudia into staying with him.

The solution:

Nothing. If you’re a human yawn there is little you can do in a five-minute conversation while “Shock The Monkey” is playing. Go home and shock your monkey.

 

WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!

Actually I want to stick with conversation. Let’s face it this is where men rule. They may have been wired to be aggressors and are individually convinced they would bring home the most from the hunt. Thanks to the implausible lessons of pop culture combined with their equally clueless friends, most guys think they are sexual warriors. Here are some golden moves courtesy of my last month at work.

Anyhow, check out how out of control it’s become.

 

VIP GUY

1 - This line is from a guy in a VIP lounge whispered into the ear of Erotica “ If I told you who I actually am you would cum.. You have no idea how much I can do for you if  we get along”

WHAT does that mean? Why don’t you just put on a cape, twirl around and throw a smoke bomb on the floor captain enigma?

 

HITLER LOVER

2 - Here’s a line from a guy who was wearing a suit that looked and smelled like it was “stolen from a rotting corpse”

“I may be Chinese but I love Hitler. Followed by a Zieg Heil. This was his idea of casual conversation. Saying you love Hitler is rich enough but thinking a Zieg Heil will seal the deal is at least 4 Ice Ages ahead of its time.

 

 

I’LL BAKE YOUR MOTHER

3 - This one happened during a strippers birthday at a club We brought a home made cake to the club for a dancer(yeah we can be right fucking classy)

Guy: Can you bake me like you baked that cake?

Dancer: I’ll bake your mother.

Guy: What do you mean by that!? (Actually angry.)

 

 

SENSITIVE MALE

4 - And Finally, just last night I got:

Guy: Inever get dances. Can I get your number? Or you want to come by my place.

Me: Look buddy, I’m not going to fuck you.

Guy: (self righteous) Who said anything about fucking? Maybe I just wanted to TALK and have some coffee. (then he made this ridiculous “upset” face.

(It was 3:30 AM)

 

SEE YOU NEVER

Well, good luck. If you can get your shit together and you do pick up, prepare for a life of work stories from your sweet heart about a thumb being squeaked up her ass at work when she wasn’t looking.

It won’t be me.

 

COMMENTS

Date: Apr 29 2008 04:16:02 PM Author: greg oh fuck this is gret tips now that ive learned this im dating a stripper Subject: Fucking em's easy, meeting mom isnt Date: Mar 18 2008 12:26:05 AM Author: funnebone So your new girlfriend is a stripper, dancer, exotic entertainer, circus freak or whatever you may want to call it. How do you introduce her to your family and tell them you date her? Very carfefully. Love has no boundaries....especially when it is found upside down on a pole. So after 3 weeks you feel it is time to introduce her to "The Fam". hubpages.com/_1pml05lnr573t/hub/How-to-make-your-strippe r-girlfriend-presentable-to-your-family Subject: the thing is..... Date: Feb 01 2008 12:43:22 PM Author: SYPM .....the whole give the stripper some drugs and she's yours is fine in theory. But seriously, do you really want to be dipping some bird who just took a shit load of gear of some random fucker she's never met in her life? It's not as if it was at some A-List club where the goods might actually be a little more sound (rich clients are usually better than dead ones), this was some cheap pussy pod in fuck knows where. If shes willing to do that with you tonight who knows what other shit she's taken during the past 19 years. Fucking a stripper is all good fun, the trip to the GUM clinic 2 weeks l Subject: My take on it Date: Jan 06 2008 04:54:00 PM Author: Strip Club User First off I would like to thank everyone for their viewpoint, each of us has one, just like we all have an asshole. Some of them stink like some our assholes. So keep your asshole clean and maybe your opinion won't stink either. Apologies for that bit of rude digression but it I always wanted to say that somewhere. I never went to strip clubs until late in life. What started of as me wanting some female attention without the complications (check your states marriage laws before you think about infidelity) and found the environment new and fun to learn about the workings of the club, etiquette Subject: The Truth Date: Nov 04 2007 02:03:52 PM Author: Buddha Yes, you can pick up strippers with drugs, but its not really the best way, since what you get is a drug addict. I've slept with eleven strippers in just over a year, so I have a good idea about what works and what doesn't. I've succeeded and failed in the real world. I've tried every trick in the book and then some. People said I should write a book to teach other guys about what I've learned, so I did. You can check it out here if you want to: Bang-Strippers.com Now what I've noticed is there is a lot of anger and misinformation on these posts and a lot of people are in Subject: The BEST drug to nail a stripper! Date: Sep 04 2007 01:14:48 AM Author: Andrew Luster I always use GHB. And I NEVER strike out with the bitches!! A little put in a drink when they're not looking does wonders! :) Subject: diOUDoGY Date: Aug 27 2007 11:46:51 AM Author: bprolinn HK2ACX <a href="http://poonhhcuhmjh.com/">poonhhcuhmjh< ;/a>, [url=http://orygvglsrmxp.com/]orygvglsrmxp[/url], [link=http://gwdghwbucdnt.com/]gwdghwbucdnt[/link], http://dbvugturaevi.com/ Subject: re Date: Apr 16 2007 06:49:18 PM Author: MARTOON That's "your" Hey Author: X ever heard the saying, "If you can't eat it, don't beat it" ? Subject: re Date: Apr 16 2007 06:46:32 PM Author: MARTOON Funny but.... That will only work on the dirt bags. The girls you want (the hotties) they don't need you're half g of blow, the got a pound of it in the freezer. LOL. Subject: 0 Date: Mar 31 2007 08:30:04 PM Author: X Fucking strippers is fun and easy. But for Chrissake ALWAYS double wrap and NEVER, EVER NO MATTER HOW DRUNK YOU ARE OR HOW HOT SHE THINKS SHE IS, REPEAT, NEVER GO DOWN ON A STRIPPER. Subject: You lying sack of shit. Date: Mar 31 2007 01:30:36 AM Author: Youlie You are a lying sack of shit, bitch. Subject: YOUR ALL FUCKIN DUMB Date: Feb 15 2007 10:47:32 PM Author: 2smart4thisShit S.T.D Is an acronym Not "3 words" you dumbfuck. If you guys are gonna be internet losers and talk about dumb shit, try to make me laugh alittle harder. Whether your a slutty stripper, a nerdy genius, a guy trying to get laid, or Some random church lady or High school teacher, You all have one thing in common you have no social lives and are contributing nothing to society, because if you were, you'd be too fuckin busy. I stumbled across this when doing a school report and I am disgusted in every single one of you for diff reasons. YOU ARE ALL SAD! Don't bother commenting I will never be back! Subject: METH ! Date: Feb 15 2007 10:41:26 PM Author: DontKill Strippers You left out meth, whores love meth, specially strippers in the country ! P.S. Don't kill Strippers... They're already dead inside. :) P.S.S. Eddy Murphy loves transvestite hookers! Subject: mr cab driver Date: Jan 02 2007 08:23:38 PM Author: wafdog i haul dancers to and from clubs and basically find most of them to be non-social drug fiends, although i have run into the odd one that actually had some convo in them, as far as scoring with them????? bullshit, unless u've got tons of dough Subject: bird man Date: Dec 28 2006 09:11:43 PM Author: lil wayne its okay to kiss a man Subject: sex Date: Dec 19 2006 06:14:59 AM Author: siavash I don't know how to find a beatiful babe and how to have sex with girls, can you help me? Subject: You bastard Arrogant Gal.. Date: Dec 12 2006 06:35:51 AM Author: noone Fuckin Satan-damned Americans....Same shits flow upon the same river down to hell.... You think all men as the same shit like I think about Americans? u r wrong as I am...;) byeeeeee shitty gal Subject: love Date: Nov 09 2006 01:41:12 PM Author: fuhad khan hi me loce girl cell me 1646-249-0556 Subject: HI Date: Oct 14 2006 07:02:30 AM Author: JORDAN HI Subject: ll Date: Oct 08 2006 08:16:41 PM Author: lalala by the way.. if u really wanna fuck a stripper, be a freeloader, go for "daytonstripper"'s female mother complex, and remember there is no shame in rejection... Subject: babababa Date: Oct 08 2006 07:55:03 PM Author: lalala USA'ians are fixates... ...who cares about how to fuck a stripper ...though at least your not talking about USA celebs Strippers aren't hot... ...but they're funny when your high together Im impotent... ...Amfetamin sucks My old roommate is a gay hobby-stripper... ...he gives a good show there is nothing wrong about strippclubs, behavedclients or even working your lifetime as a stripper. women and men, old and young we are all just (stupid) sexual creatures Subject: how to fuck a stripper Date: Oct 02 2006 10:31:16 AM Author: Lucifer you could always wait in the parking lot with some chloroform Subject: keeping it real Date: Sep 24 2006 03:25:01 PM Author: oh its nice to talk about topics that would in public land u on your ass or in jail -- welcome to america Subject: Awnser of this article Date: Sep 08 2006 11:38:15 PM Author: Son of Satan You are correct. The same tecnique use Jesus to fuck the prostitute of the bible. He is my Hero, fuck without money. =D Subject: how to really fuck a stripper Date: Sep 01 2006 04:15:34 AM Author: Adam here's what you do you go in there with a friend. Act like you don't want to be there, look uncomfortable, tell the stipper your friend made you go with him, get the shakes a little bit, rock back and forth in your seat, act nervous and keep your head down looking at the floor. It works everytime cuz they respect me that I don't really want to be there. I banged more stripper than i can count. the first one was named valentina, she had nice natural perky tits, and a round ass to boot. She rode my cock like seabiscut. At first I was nervous I thought my pipe was going to fold, but I ended up lasting as long as she wanted me to. Subject: stripers Date: Aug 15 2006 10:40:31 AM Author: stripper im a striper big fucking deal I have been dancing for a year its nothing wrong with the men who think that there going home with me after the club to fuck is stupid cause they come in the club pockets phat and leave horny and broke so fuck ur stupid an to who dissagree fuck yall to Subject: High School Teacher Date: Jul 22 2006 11:46:05 PM Author: Wait a moment Ok High School Teacher your rants are out of place by far. I mean shit, if your just here to talk down on poeple and talk about how grand your life is, then why are you even looking at such things like how to fuck a stripper. pls just cut the bullshit. p.s. Dont post to respond to this. Odds are i will never come back. Subject: sex Date: May 24 2006 01:59:24 AM Author: devante how to fuck Subject: WeOW Date: May 17 2006 05:19:45 PM Author: Xhaosis ~~~>Strippers, are an asset of America, or any civ. For all things being, the only way to have sex with a stripper is the old fasion way, she has to like you... (sigh) even if you spread her legs, after doping her up or getting her drunk, or bribing her with money it will be one hell of a lousy lay... Your better off jacking off to a porno. In addition don't be lazy, go find a chick where normal people do,,, Outdoors... ~~>I have had 2 stripper girlfriends, little secret.. I caught an STD from the 1st one.. Had to get embarressed at a clinic to get it fixed... The secound one had more drama, then I could deal with I got an ulcer... LOL @ age 28.... Careful what you wish for... Heroes... The best peices of pussy I get, is from the girls that want it from me... Not the ones getting conned or lued into Fucking... Cia Subject: Opinions? Date: Mar 27 2006 01:07:30 AM Author: High School Teacher Mine wasnt opinion, it was fact. Prove me wrong. Name me one whore that ever made the world a better place, that advanced society in any way. The only ones I can think of are the ones that were also spies during wartime and, and thats a very large stretch. They also worked during the cold war where two nations decided your fate. Its not my fault that you live in a nation that has no gross national product and no military to speak of. Look at it as an advantage, your government doesn't have to spend billions of dollars to protect the world from the possible return of a Hitler like figure. Your country doesn't siphon from education and god forbid the complementary wine corkscrew that you got at birth. Take a lesson from the Japanese, quit your whining about the US and bragging about how cultured you are and get a job and help the global economy. Quit quoting Byron and Tennyson and make some advancements in technology or medicine. Of course most of the people in the US are dumb, but you're even more dumb to waste your time pointing it out. Do something useful, and tell your life companion I said hi. Back to my lesson plans. P.S. The Germans are coming, send us some chocolate bars and maybe we'll keep you safe. Subject: Morons Date: Mar 16 2006 10:40:51 AM Author: God bless the shitheads How could everyone in America be blessed with such remarkable foresight? How is it that every fucking opinion that crawls out of the mouth of every sack of meat within the US is convinced that they have the right idea, no matter what idea they may have, or how little they know about the subject? Seriously, I thought people this tragic only existed in fiction. May God bless you with sterility and the loss of your voting rites. Subject: pot Date: Jan 19 2006 01:48:24 PM Author: dam good pot its good Subject: Be proud of who you are, if you can. Date: Jan 11 2006 04:49:47 PM Author: High School Teacher Sure you make more money than me, most garbagemen do as well. The difference is when someone asks me what I do, I can tell them without euphamizing. Speaking of that, I have to admit I respect gay men more than strippers. I mean, if you call a queer a queer, they're like "hell yea" But if you call a whore a whore they get as offended as blacks when they are called a racial slur. And you are a whore, never fogret that. When your daughter is 15 and asks what your job was when you were younger, see if you can look them in the face and tell them you were a whore. If you can't, then you are not only a whore, you have no pride in yourself and have no buisness being a role model for your kid. Now Im going to write some lesson plans up for next week. I know that sounds dull, but at least I know Im making an effort to make this world a better place and not trying to reverse evolution to a point where sex is the only thing that matters. P.S. I havent been in a strip club in 10 years, you seen one whore, you seen em all. Subject: just a job Date: Jan 03 2006 08:40:18 AM Author: \\ I've been dancing now for alomost a year and i think it's pretty sad when men really think they're going home with a dancer. We are only there for MONEY and MORE MONEY. I have no tattoos or piercings and I don't even drink at the club so I can stay focused on my money. I"m not in there to be naked for some drinks. All that's going to do is ruin my health and make my decision making skills a little more difficult. I don't do drugs so offering me anything isn't going to get you anything, especially how you have to talk about how rich you are and how nice of a boat or mansion you have. I may tell you how cute you are or how good you smell, it's only a set up to make you think I like you so you'll spend more money on my naked ass. I also behave myself and don't put up with those nasty little hands trying to touch MY body. I defend myself at work so if you try stupid shit it will be delt with swiftly by me. I tell you what though; if it wasn't for you perverts I wouldn't have such a good paying job. Like I said, JOB. A lot of strippers have boyfriends or husbands like myself and are only intrested in going home and counting all of that money with our mates and laughing about how good we can take advantage of men. I like them better if they're really drunk becuase then they'll give you a $90 tip or just give you the rest of thier cash. Subject: Simple minded dudes Date: Dec 19 2005 02:29:14 PM Author: Ron Holt The remarks made here above degrading strippers exemplify just how angry and frustrated many younger men are and how badly they'd love to be wanted and or adored by a beautiful stripper. There's this tacit belief of entitlement that hip-hop culture has imbued youth cultural with today that is utterly phony and misleading. Someone up above left a message about trading sex for drugs and then violently dispatching his stripper charge into a ditch or somewhere. This shows how simple minded and ignorant this individual is. Hopeflly this kind of ignorance is rare. The article about How To Sleep Wit a Stripper is so obviously ridiculas and meant to provoke that it's almost not worth commenting on. But for the sake of argument I would say that this person is clueslss about women let alone human nature. The security gaurd had it right: stripperss are not extra horny. They're after money. Using sex as a means to persnal expression aside most of the strippers I have ever known all have the same things to say about men: they are clueless and lonely. That's where the anger comes from on this board regarind this debate. Subject: Strippers Date: Nov 09 2005 10:21:12 PM Author: Neil Having been a driver/bodyguard in the past, that second semi-literate article brought back tons of memories. The truth is, these girls HATE the FUCK out of men. Period. 99% of the clients are either uncouth chauches showing off with their friends or greasy disgusting shutins who actually dream of getting these girls to fall in love with them. It's like how pretty much all cops end up being racist - they spend their days dealing with black and mexican fuckups until their view gets screwed up. Subject: Ridin Cross the Land Date: Oct 19 2005 10:14:49 PM Author: Beastie Boys kickin up sand, Sheriff's posses on my tail cause I'm in demand Subject: Strippers love misogynists!!! Date: Oct 19 2005 07:30:23 PM Author: Kitty We love you guys that come in thinking you're going to get laid because you're fucking stupid enough to believe any stereotype about us and we get you to spend money on us! What? You say you DON'T go into clubs to spend money on us? FUCK YOU! You're still gonna go home and grease up your dick with Vaseline while watching your mother suck off a donkey in a porno. Meanwhile, we'll be at the club, making more in a night than your minimum wage poser ass makes in a month. Peace. Subject: well Date: Oct 01 2005 04:43:02 AM Author: rocketgirl this is one stripper that will never ever in a million zillion years even look at any customer ( defined as someone who paid to enter my workplace )'s disgusting, dirty shriveled little shitweasel of a penis....no matter what drugs(?) or money was offered, let alone let him stick it anywhere near my perfect mouth or precious pussy. I can by my own drugs, thanks, dickweed, and really without having to be a prostitute. These same bitches that find strippers morally reprehensible are also the ones showing thier tits at spring break for a t-shirt or plastic beads . So you have to ask--who's really the stupid one? The one paying, or the one getting paid? don't hate the player, hate the game. Subject: talk Date: Sep 30 2005 06:44:40 PM Author: chris you need free samples Subject: i highly doubt it's that hard... Date: Sep 12 2005 12:15:54 AM Author: just call 'em what they are...sluts to score with a chic with such low self respect that they put themselves on display like objects. dancers, intertainers, strippers,...call it what you want. truth be told, they're just attention starved, self loathing, slutty girls who are too un-original to come up with a more productive and respectful way to make money. how stupid must you feel shaking your ass night after night...tring to look sexy for a bunch of hard dick nobody. see...most strippers think..if the guys dumb enough to pay them to take their clothes off, why not. but do they not realise that they are the true puppets. not the men. yeah they're dumb for spending the money to watch a bunch of bitches shake their shit...but... do the girls not realise the total lake of respect the men have for them. women included. they give all women a bad name. it makes men think it's ok to show titties in every movie and to objectify women. that's why guys walk around calling us bitches. because so many of us allow men to be the superior Subject: continued Date: Aug 30 2005 08:56:26 PM Author: dayton stripper just walk fast in the other direction, tell her manager and get your ass kicked out. you can always tell a drugged out stripper by her glazed bloodshot eyes or runny nose. or if they are excessively skinny...that indicates either an eating disorder or coke. if you have to play the drug card, first hint around to the fact that you have a lot of money. make vague references to friends with tough or foreign names who are "in business" with you. if she's into drugs, she'll get curious and ask. then say that you deal in imports and exports and smile. then your work is done. -if you have money, be a sugar daddy. that simple. start it out slow, by talking to her a lot and buying lots of dances everytime you come in. only see her. let her get the idea that if she sees you outside the club, you'll take care of her bills and give her lots of money. take her shopping. keep stepping it up until she fucks you. i've seen it happen dozens of time. it's how girls keep their biggest souorce of income, their best customers. -figure out a fetish of theirs. experiment. buy a couple dances and talk nasty, you'll be able to tell if she likes it. then when she's all into it, stop. say you'd love to finish it later, and give her your number. there's all kinds of fetishes...fat ugly guy fetishes, dirty talk fetishes, daddy complexes. chances are you'll find at least one little freak-a-leak in the club who'll go to a hotel with you and fuck you silly. for free Subject: how to go home with a stripper Date: Aug 30 2005 08:53:36 PM Author: daytonstripper I'm a 20 year old stripper who has never done anything besides weed (and only on a few occasions) and most of the girls at my club wouldnt fall under any of those racial drug categories. I strip because I love money and having a nice apartment, not having to put up with shit from an asshole boss, and because I don't have to worry about whether or not I can afford groceries and a car payment the next month. I do admit, there are some scandalous hos. I've never messed around with ANY guy who came in, only met one once at the mall so he could waste $800 on me then left with my bags. But I know what the stupid girls at my club (the ones you're trying to get with) go for: -if you are a non spender the only way you 'll have a chance is if you are young, attractive, and seem to need taking care of. strippers all have a mothering instinct and no matter how many rich guys they could hook up with, all of their boyfriends are jobless and mooch off them and have oedipus complexes. be one of those and you're in. -DONT WAVE DRUGS AROUND OR TALK ABOUT IT. hint, maybe. there are definitely a few crack hos in every establishment, but management always warns you about guys who talk about guys who talk about drugs. they could be undercover cops who could get the club shut down if you act interested. if you just randomly bring up drugs and that you have some and ask the girl if she wants any, chances are she'll either act like she doesnt do anything like that!, or Subject: stripperbitches Date: Jul 27 2005 01:06:03 PM Author: airplay Don't you fuckers know? Strippers are all peeling to pay for college. Duh! Subject: seriously Date: Jul 15 2005 10:39:44 AM Author: asianbouncer one day im gonna come down to the vice offices and fuck you racist fucktards up. Subject: what else? Date: Jul 04 2005 09:27:45 AM Author: jordyn -pretty sure 92% of strippers are fucking kinding themselves if they think there r gonna sit here and read this shit and deny the reality of the club life. -The only accurate statement posted, would be; That we do get high. -so... pack our pipes, choke us hard, & pull the extentions, and we'll call u daddy! -bottem line, we were horny school girls who didn't get enough sex, attention, love, and a dad. thats why we are naked 4 money in the first place Subject: strippers are PEOPLE. Date: Jun 21 2005 02:12:13 PM Author: anonymous Oregonian I'm seeing a lot of foolishness here in the form of generalizations. Assuming that strippers are horny, or are garbage, or are conning everyone, or are drug addicts, is just garbage. They are individuals, each one unique in her own way. I've come across strippers who are any or all of the above. Some have been nice to me in the club though they wouldn't give me the time of day (literally) in any other setting. Others have expressed that they'd gladly go home with me if they thought they could get away with it. Others have come on to me only to expect money for sex. A couple have actually made dates with me, though they stood me up when the time came. (One even tried to pick me up -- to my great surprise, as I don't exactly look like George Clooney -- and I've been sorry ever since that I couldn't take her up on it for logistical reasons.) Brandino has it right. Not all will do it, and some will but not for free, but your best bet with a stripper is the same as for any other woman: show her respect and courtesy, not to mention honesty. Subject: Hmm Date: Jun 20 2005 06:01:19 PM Author: Leah Caprice I'm sure you people out there slagging strippers off are all clean living citizens, yes? By the way, I'm anything but a slag. I am in a long term relationship, engaged, got a house together. I have never been tempted to perform sexual acts for money or drugs, or any other material possession. Subject: ho's r ho's Date: Jun 15 2005 07:20:44 PM Author: micsmif If you wanna fuck a stripper all you do is find a strip club you never go to on a side of town or city you never be in go in . go up to her ask if she wanna be in a movie flash a wad of cash,the wad should be a 100 dollar bill wrapped round some lil papers. Take her to you friend mini mansion in Cherry Hills New Jersey. Fuck her. with a condom. Do not put any of her body in your mouth(i cant believe i had to even type that, you a dumb head). When you done front like you gonna pay her and then you got 2 options. You can beat her up and dump the bitch off in a ditch 10 miles east of where your at with a note and some crackers or you can kill her and dump her in the deleware. Cause well she's a fuckin dust head strawberry who smoked her mothers t.v. and sold her lil sister into the black market for money for drugs. for that no one will ever miss the twat. Subject: the great brandino Date: Jun 13 2005 08:12:47 PM Author: The great cunt cock "i am a computer enginner, a nerd, yet look at me now." Yeah, now your a nerd that claims to have had a threesome with a pair of strippers. Well done. I fucked salma hayek yesterday and then jessica alba did a to m, see how that works? Subject: how i got to go home with a stripper III Date: Jun 01 2005 01:37:05 AM Author: the great brandino the final time was the BEST ever!! one night in San antonio, it was around closing time when this chick named ALexis (very pretty, toned body) came to me and sat in my lap. we began to converse and in about 30 minutes we were in the VIP doing 2 dances then came back down again. she then told me that she had a roomate who worked there with her and she asked me if i wanteds a dance from both at once. HOW COULD I FUCKING REFUSE?! it was amazing plus they let me touch and kiss their breasts and even on the mouth a few times. when we went back downstairs, they were talking about how they were gonna fuck when they got home. i just had to ask if i could come and just watch. i happened to have a video camera in my car and would let them keep it when finished. they both agreed and, not even 5 minutes in the foray, they commanded me to join them and that threesome will never be topped. fucking one girl missionary style while going down on the other is sweet bliss. once more, i stress that i never NEVER would have gotten to first second and quite possibly third base had i been a prick ass motherfucker with no respect for women. maybe u guys should try it, after all, i am a computer enginner, a nerd, yet look at me now. Subject: how i got to go home with strippers II Date: Jun 01 2005 01:28:35 AM Author: the great brandino the second time was with a girl named Celeste. She was about 30 but looked like she was under 25. not toned like samantha but curvy yet not too curvy just right for me. again with my southern manners and gentlemanly ways, i talked with her at my table for almost an hour before going upstairs for 4 dances in a row. she was by far the most playful of any lap dance ever received. she unbuttoned my shirt (no shirt underneath it) and started caressing my muscular chest and abdomen and even licked it down a little too. very horny. i asked if she wanted to go get a drink somewhere and then be alone afterwords, politely of course, and she said yes. she later told me that she told her manager that she was feeling rather dizzy and couldnt perform right and the dumb fuck allowed her to leave, not that it was real busy that afternoon anyway. we got a drink at a local pub, then went to her condo where i had AMAZING sex for what seemed like hours. her nice round ass was perfect for my hungry cock. the maturity of my partner was nice too. she knew exactly what she was doing like she was a seasoned veteran. again, i stress the fact that i would not have had the privilege of fucking her if not for my manners and kindness. Subject: how i got to go home with strippers Date: Jun 01 2005 12:56:49 AM Author: the great brandino not once, not twice but thrice, have i gotten the privilege of going home with a stripper and sexin her up all long. the secret is respect and manners. i am from san antonio, and all 3 occasions have occured on hot summer nights (and it gets HOT and CALIENTE in the alamo city come summer). the first time was with a girl named Samantha. She was absolutely gorgeous with a toned yet silky skinned body. nice rack and ass. she was smart too, going to UTSA for nursing and she knew her shit too. anyways, we got to talking for like an hour or so before she asked if i wanted to have a dance in the VIP and of course i said yes. the conversation was totally intelligent and manners aplenty. after three dances, we went back downstairs and chatted a little longer. i bought her a drink and when i told her that i was getting ready to leave (i already got her number) she asked me to stay a little longer for she had only one more dance on stage left. when she finished i met her in the parking lot and we drove to my apartment, had some wine and listened to the radio for a little bit, then we started kissing, then we found ourselves in the bedroom for nearly two hours. best time at that point. she has since graduated and i havent seen her since though i still have her cell # moral: be polite to a stripper and be patient and they will be all up ons. Subject: DUDE Date: May 13 2005 08:59:29 AM Author: NONAME Shit man...most of this feed back is bullshit im 24 and have been to stip clubs many times over the past 6 months. and have managed to hook up with 5 strippers in diff locations. yea the drug could help i spose...ant had to use them yet.....the real secret is that the strippers are women the same as you wife, girlfiend , lover and mother. you have to know how to treat a woman and make her fell like she is the only one in the room. 2nd keep it real..lets face it if you were that good at bullshiting about your life you'd be tom cruse. 3rd its alot like Aikdo(martial arts) do a google search on HAPPO NO KUZUSHI and have a read.. Now this is not sure fire.but its worked for me a few times now to the catty bitches that are calling the strippers sluts...your just fucked off coz ya mans looking at something else(petty) to the men that think the strippers are sluts.. grow the fuck up and get some fucken manners. Subject: Not Fit To Print Date: May 11 2005 01:41:59 PM Author: Rusty your fucking strippers, shut the fuck up and make me cum. your the scum of society and future welfare mothers of America. I'm sure that car saleasman, dj, drug dealer, is going to take care of you after you spit out a couple of illegitimate kids. if you want respect get a real job that doesn’t require fake tits. Until then, I will see you in the VIP... bitch Subject: Atrocity Date: Apr 14 2005 06:13:05 PM Author: Doesn't Matter This is some prime writing, and the descriptions of the types of guys are hilarious. It made me call my Mother too, serious shit. Subject: strippers Date: Apr 11 2005 12:34:02 PM Author: x HOW TO FUCK A STRIPPER ? propa thats how! Subject: Not Fit To Print Date: Apr 11 2005 12:19:11 AM Author: Sarah Galvin Besides the spelling errors, I don't see why the second article is "Not Fit To Print." The thing about the ridiculous pick up lines was fucking hilarious. Subject: strippers given other strippers bad name Date: Apr 03 2005 05:33:26 PM Author: me You dumb bitches!why you fucking the customers! you fuck it up for the rest of us working with ya!its a job not a pick up joint. besides you got your own drug dealer-call him up&stop taking hand outs-you cock sucking blow whores. Subject: Strippers DO go to college Date: Mar 31 2005 09:23:57 AM Author: Scotboy I've known a few girls who WERE actual students but were ALSO strippers. And they all, to a one, loved their drugs but couldn't afford them unless they: [a] stripped, [b] fucked dealers & stripped, [c] fucked club promoters / djs & stripped or [d] did [a, b & c]. And what's with all you people who read articles and then bitch at Vice about how shit it is and how you hate it? If you don't like what you're reading then STOP READING IT. Subject: It's all too true Date: Mar 25 2005 08:27:43 AM Author: pimp that ass you should take a look at this site where some strippers have found this article www.mypoleforums.co.uk Here's the thread http://www.mypoleforums.co.uk/showthread.php?t=225&page= 2 /> These bitches have the highest opinion of themselves you would not believe just cos they get given cash to get naked. Half these girls are prossies cos you can find their adverts all over the internet, but they're so stupid they think no-ones worked it out. Here's Leah, a typical slag from this site http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v510/Leahcaprice/Corse tHeaven2m.jpg /> Jesus, i'd pay that fat piece of shit to keep her fucking clothes on. Fuck a stripper, but don't date one or you'll wake up one day and your wallet and stash will have gone while she's off to suck the cock of the next mark. Subject: done that Date: Mar 24 2005 07:45:10 PM Author: been there -I read both articles and sadly they are both 80% true.Not long ago i lived in a hotel above a strip club, on the same floor as the dancers.As lame as generalizations and stereotypes are they can be very true. however you want the real skinny: there are no secrects -they call the shots! -if they are going to fuck you they will, if they are not, no amount of ANYTHING will help you period! Subject: he's right...it's coke Date: Mar 24 2005 01:40:06 PM Author: i hate strippers I'm glad that at least one guy out there, meaning Chris, gets the stripper thing. As a woman I hate strippers, not just because they take their clothes off for men's money, but because men are just as stupid as they are and believe their lies. I mean come on, what stripper isn't "putting herself through school," and you fucking men defend these slutty girls. Honestly, think about it, who would want to go to school, to get a degree, and to get a job to never make as much money as she does stripping? If I didn't have morals I would probably be out there whoring it up too!!!!! Subject: Ugh Date: Mar 24 2005 01:38:27 PM Author: Star This article is racist and offensive. I literally just shuddered; you sound like a white slave master. Subject: "Pole Throat" Date: Mar 23 2005 05:57:35 PM Author: the reverend g i nailed a stripper once. it was cool until 2 days later i had fucking cottage cheese in the back of my throat. don't ever go down on those bitches. they don't sanitize that pole for shit, so you get a god damned cocktail of snail-trail on them. so if a single one of those skanks has anything funky in her hatchet-wound, they've ALL got it. Subject: Encourage reading early in life Date: Mar 22 2005 01:06:06 PM Author: SLUTLUST My boy and I hooked up with this really hot stipper somewhere downtown in Manhattan. She asked us for a drink and we told her that we didn't want a lap dance (thinking that was her ruse just to get us ponying up). She said that she just wanted to hang with us and was buying her own drink. We told her that we was leaving to go smoke and she asked if she could come. Of course we said yes, but if I would have read this article earlier, I would have declined, or at least called up my dealer. She was a hot blond who probably did phone ads for the Spice Network who would have wanted to do coke with some eurotrash at the "W". We were 2 spics with a quarter ounce of weed and only a hallway to smoke it in (you know most spanish guys live with mommy until at least 29). Not a good night for my self esteem. Should have had this article 3 years ago. Subject: kiddy fiddler Date: Mar 17 2005 07:07:44 PM Author: nik well i thought it was pretty fucken funny jonboy. maybe its time you did your shorts up and stopped masturbating over young boys you 'racialist'. wanker. Subject: racialist Date: Mar 17 2005 06:11:33 AM Author: jonboy Chris nieratko sees the world through a tiny lense that is probably the same size as his flacid little brain. This is the second article i've read through which talks about different races like they're trophies to be bagged in some kind of fucked up safari. And that little explainer: "...I didn't write the rules here.God did." All in all the ramblings of a crazed bigot. Subject: How to really fuck strippers Date: Mar 16 2005 06:44:33 PM Author: duh try going to the bar closet to the strip club about 45mintues after the stip club closes. Hey even girls who work in bars like to go out for a drink. try going there and instead of ogling them like a piece of meat, talking to them like a normal girl. you will most likely get to fuck a stripper, won't have to spend money on drugs, won't have to dump a bunch of money at the club. annd there is a high chance of not only fucking said stripper once but her and her hot stripper friends on multiple occasions. Subject: Oh the humanity Date: Mar 16 2005 05:21:16 PM Author: Anun Have most of the people posting on this page been sexually abused as children or something? If you haven't then you really have no excuse for the type of stuff you've been writing. Either way, I wish you luck in finding your way out of the mess that you've found yourselves in, because you know deep down that the kind of sex that you're talking about will never make you happy. Next time you're fucking someone you don't know that well try to compare the physical distance you are to them to the emotional distance you must have to yourself, and don't patronise yourself by thinking that that's some kind of kinky turn-on either, you bad, _bad_ little girl... ;) Subject: how to article Date: Mar 13 2005 06:04:04 PM Author: leave the poor strippers alone What the hell, even with the lack of spellcheck Gloria Glory's article was 100 times more true and entertaining than the former. What's the point. I hardly believe this guy, and I've seen this article done probably 10 times in the last 2 years in different men's magazines always better. That bit about dropping snoop's name, I hope this is supposed to be satirical. What an ass. Editors, you're WAY off. Subject: coke sluts Date: Mar 10 2005 04:04:51 PM Author: duzitickle i have dated a chick who loved coke and wet t-shirt contests... she could eat my puss better when she was coked up, or evn better, when she had meth!!! god i fell hard for that bitch. it turned out, when i got busted, she ran away... never to eat my snatch again.... oh the sadness.. if she'd only stuck around, i got out of jail and still had a large qty left. had to do it with a new slut... but she wasn't as good as 'chelle. Subject: Better Method Date: Mar 05 2005 04:01:07 PM Author: Darnit Dan Make friends with them just before they become titty dancers. Then in their newly sex-obsessed vortex, fucking you becomes their only route back to normalcy. Give 'em a sip of whiskey, pour the rest on your dong to sanitize it. "Dead prime ministers" is extremely sad!!! Canadian rap never! Subject: Sweet article Date: Mar 04 2005 11:40:12 AM Author: Steven David Reagan The drug approach is solid, however, many strippers have been brought up in a less than perfect enviroment. That is why they respect the occasional use of the back of the hand. Show them your not above it. They will get pissed sure, but then they know your to be respected. With that respect they will do what you say, when you say it. The women of today have lost that fear of the fist. Strippers are the sexually liberated women of the 40's and 50's, they know there place. Subject: .. Date: Mar 03 2005 02:48:01 AM Author: conan are you stupid? everyone loves coke, no one likes ectasy. Subject: 2nd article Date: Mar 02 2005 03:08:28 PM Author: Jay arghhh my eyes they are burning with the indignation of having been forced to read such a masterpiece!! please post more un-printable articles as I havnt been able to stop laughing for 20 minutes Subject: sorta racist Date: Feb 28 2005 11:10:54 PM Author: nicolette the first article assumes that the reader is white, and thats kind of rude. ("you're white, so getting with a black stripper is hard" or something) not all yer readers are white. just a reminder Subject: fuck you Date: Feb 24 2005 02:30:00 PM Author: bombshell gosh, what a pathetic bunch of loosers, go home and fuck yourselves, until you learn to respect 1) yourself 2) your mother 3) your sister and 4) other people Subject: I SEE EMPTINESS IN THEIR EYES. Date: Feb 24 2005 12:48:05 PM Author: THE THING ABOUT STRIPPERS IS.......... I HEARD AN ANTHROPOLOGIST SPEAK ABOUT THE COKE SLUT GENE THE OTHER DAY,I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS A REAL THING Subject: How to Fuck a Stripper Date: Feb 24 2005 06:02:54 AM Author: Hazza (Mr 1%) Nieratko's article is informative, however there's a far cheaper way of banging any stripper you come across, in fact it doesn't cost you a cent- Just inform them that you work at Sym Choon. Works like a charm. Every time. As Lee, Stav, Billy, Yiros, Pav, Simo or Laggy can testify. Subject: What a crack-up! Date: Feb 23 2005 08:40:57 AM Author: www.pillfreak.com Some seriously funny shit! Strippers are a never ending source of amusement, the things they do to get the drugs... Subject: Poles Date: Feb 23 2005 03:46:47 AM Author: Pole Dancer Well, there is only one way to pull lappies in the UK... No drugs involved... Simply visit the Euro import dives and wait for the fresh catch (straight of the back of a Budvar truck). Me and a friend managed to coax three fresher polish birds from a club and have them crawl around like naked dogs in my flatmates room. Ahhh... the memories. I don't think they knew that a lap dance didn't involve fingers. The juices on my suit are there to prove it. Subject: zebra Date: Feb 22 2005 09:05:35 PM Author: matt ellis wow, that was genious. Neiratko is amazing. That dude should have a head cam. Fuck, after this issue, I kind of want to be single again. Subject: regionalism Date: Feb 22 2005 04:28:20 PM Author: holla back most of the first article universally, objectively(god-approved) true. However only someone from NY or some very anglo shit would ever say that about latina bitches- we fuck loads of latinas in california(theyre hella hot) Subject: gloria knows what she's talking about Date: Feb 21 2005 04:21:06 PM Author: midge The second article was totally true. Guys think they can score that easily. Subject: dick Date: Feb 21 2005 01:58:44 PM Author: thebrewer Dick has the right idea strippers receive an unfair amount of attention from us. Even when they do let you fuck them after a gram on your tab they are sexually detached and boring, O and did i mention dumb as shit, these girls are not stripping there way through med school, or even hair school Subject: "strippers are garbage" Date: Feb 21 2005 12:37:28 PM Author: Dahlgren That dick guy stole his whole argument from here... www.angryyellow.com/hardjustice.html Subject: fuck u Date: Feb 20 2005 04:05:00 PM Author: khadesha i'm a black stripper and you are a ass so fuck u Subject: strippers are garbage Date: Feb 20 2005 03:31:19 AM Author: Dick Lets get some things straight: 1) Strippers are garbage. If they choose to become pieces of meat, we should treat them like pieces of meat. They deserve no respect. Which is why... 2) you shouldn't waste good coke on a stripper. If you're carrying high quality goods, you should have no problem picking up an okay looking bar skank. The inside of her ass needs to be waxed, but she makes up for it by not being a selfish pile of flesh with a place to stick your wee wee (ie. a stripper). 3) trying to fuck a stripper involves time and money...two things they don't deserve. If you're that desperate for sex you can use a quarter of the coke and tip money you would've spent to buy a round of drinks for the cute girl and her friends at the bar. Subject: sir drinks a lot Date: Feb 18 2005 09:44:50 PM Author: Skutch Are you that stalking fuckface from the David Cross dvd? Subject: Article Comment Date: Feb 18 2005 11:20:18 AM Author: Stockpappy Chris, nice take on the white strippers!! As we say here in Texas: "It's all coke and mirrors boyz!!" See y'all soon in Austin for SX. I would suggest a regime of Liver Vitality pills immidiately. One with every meal Subject: the other way to fuck strippers Date: Feb 17 2005 11:52:27 AM Author: You can call my Sire.......biatch There is one factor that the author failed to mention and this is fool proof........just be a fuckin baller ass pimp and wear snake skin shoes. I dont frequent the strip clubs too much, but I get free head every fucking time I go and I am going to attribute this fact to my wide aray of colored snake skins. Call me crazy, but these skeezers seem to love em. Subject: Multi-tasking strippers. Date: Feb 15 2005 06:40:16 PM Author: 1 2 3 Whiskey I went to a strip club with my brother and some friends one night...got smashed. Next day we went to Sears to get family pictures. What I didn't know at the time was the photographer (hot little Paki) was a stripper from the night before (My brother remembered her). For the first picture instead of saying cheese she says "123 Whiskey". My brother starts laughing his ass off. The strip club we went to was Whiskey-a-go-go in BRrampton. This sounds like it should be in the dirty Readers Digest. Subject: What the Date: Feb 15 2005 03:25:54 PM Author: YOUR COMMENT: Chris Kindle's a stupid prick. Don't wake me up, Fuckface, just go and don't come back. Glory Hole wins. Vice editors are either sarcastic or stupid. Oh God Fuck off Vice you're shit. Why do I bother? You made me laugh. More than twice. But that's not enough. You're just a bunch of stupid cunts. The village voice - http://www.villagevoice.com/news/0246,press,39835,1.html - are right, even if they are right in the wrong way. You've had so much promise, you know? But Nearly There is Not Really There, and every issue now is a catalogue of fresh disappointments. And I keep on thinking, Is It Me? But Fuck You, You Cunts - and you are, genuinely, cunts - you know, I remember in my early days of reading online, and some victim cried out, Fuck You, for making me look forward to this piece of shit. And I though, Ah, Now. That's too much. But it's not. It's not even eafluhawelfawulfrlfvuiwerlvhz Subject: This Bitch Totally Wants Me Date: Feb 15 2005 01:11:06 PM Author: fagsaregay.com STD's are a crock of shit. There's no such thing. I've fucked every skank in Los Angeles and have nothing to show for it. I even put peanut butter on my wang and made my dog lick it, and still nothing. Fucking RIP OFF! Subject: point Date: Feb 15 2005 07:46:23 AM Author: alex "3 WORDS S.T.D !" They're initials....letters. Subject: blahiddyblah Date: Feb 14 2005 03:44:51 PM Author: Poo Face Jones Shut up and put on that dress I like. Subject: Well Said Date: Feb 14 2005 03:09:18 PM Author: Sir Drinks a Lot I think it's a tie. They both present valid points. Now shut up and dance! Subject: totally Date: Feb 14 2005 09:56:26 AM Author: jen So maybe try to do something that will make a positive effect on the world. I know its much harder to do but the rewards are worth it in the end. What kind of world do you want your children and grandchildren to be living in? Subject: oi Date: Feb 14 2005 02:36:02 AM Author: Nathan Barley Dude, you don't "bang a rail", you put it in your nose Subject: strip bitch Date: Feb 14 2005 02:11:34 AM Author: Kat dont they know about STDS? Subject: .... Date: Feb 13 2005 11:23:47 PM Author: ... Gloria Glory... now come on, that isn't her real strip name is it.... ha ha ha ....no seriously, vice just put that in there to make her sound more fucking stupid right? Subject: Asian striper. Date: Feb 13 2005 10:44:18 PM Author: zeeman I picked up a hot Chinese/Canadian striper a year ago. It was unintentional, basically what happened was after she gave me a lap dance I said I had to get going, I have to go to salsa class realizing how gay I sounded I cringed. She then asked me "oh where are you learning how to dance salsa? I really want to learn”. I then gave her the address of the salsa school I go to, and she showed up the next week. She became my Salsa partner and we had mind blowing sex for a year after that. She moved back to Vancouver after a year to finish school. Subject: why strip? Date: Feb 13 2005 05:05:35 PM Author: freak seeker it is funny how gloria is acting all superior and yet her employment involves, her words not mine "a thumb being squeaked up her ass" Subject: strippers Date: Feb 13 2005 10:15:48 AM Author: Michael hahah, i love how that stripper feels so self righteous and superior. most guys in the strip club might be assholes or losers, but atleast they still have their clothes on and can pay their rent on time. Subject: This is sick Date: Feb 12 2005 10:36:43 PM Author: Ben You guys are definetly going to hell! Why cant you focus on more positive things than taking advantage of people in very low bad cituations. This is not going to help make the world a better place, in fact it just might make it alot worse of a place for the poor strippers and the people who fuck them and end up spreading more diseases. So maybe try to do something that will make a positive effect on the world. I know its much harder to do but the rewards are worth it in the end. What kind of world do you want your children and grandchildren to be living in? Subject: you need to Date: Feb 12 2005 09:29:22 PM Author: clear your samples the whole bit about dropping snoop's name to get with black strippers was stolen from the $20 sack pyramid skit on "the chronic". what, you thought we didn't know? that shit is CLASSIC son. usually to sound cool you should rip off something we DON'T know. Subject: Its ok to use GrammarCheck Date: Feb 12 2005 11:33:27 AM Author: Typo "That should take of it." Subject: I picked up a stripper, but... Date: Feb 12 2005 04:51:56 AM Author: Hiram.nl I once picked up a stripper. That was nice! She had just hurt her knee while dancing and as she was shaking her butt in front of my face and looking over her shoulder I told her she should stop and go home, because she was actually in pain. She did, and she when I offered to accompany her, she told me to wait for her at the corner of the street (her boss didn't want the girls to go out with customers). I waited at the corner for a few minutes and much to my surprise she actually showed up. We went for drinks (she limped, I carried her bag). She paid all the drinks with the ten guilder notes customers had earlier tucked under her garter (this was in Amsterdam, before the Euro). She turned out to be exquisitely dumb, and I didn't pursue her any further. I don't do dumb girls, see? Silly me. Subject: old ass Date: Feb 11 2005 06:13:39 PM Author: durdy does it what wrong with granny strippers? theyre old and lonley and only get the lunchtime shifts so they resent the young girls, sure they might hate men but they have to hate women more. Subject: dim-sum Date: Feb 11 2005 06:02:50 PM Author: ayatolla these articles are so demeaning the least you can do is be clever about it .just kidding the mag is great Subject: STRIPPERS ARE CUNTS Date: Feb 11 2005 05:35:48 PM Author: 3507321C 3 WORDS S.T.D ! Subject: Scoring with strippers Date: Feb 11 2005 03:43:53 AM Author: 39 I work in a hotel and I've fucked 3 strippers in my time here. I have no idea how I managed that. I usually help them with the huge hockey bags they bring in with them, run up cigarrettes and bottles of water to their room. The tips are good, and when they want sex, there I am. I would never go to a strip club to pick up a stripper. The secret is to get all your work done early so you have time to sit in their room, listening to their stories from back home. Subject: Not Fit To Print Date: Feb 10 2005 06:38:11 PM Author: Pickle Packer everyone misses Not Fit to Print the most of any regular feature that's been retired. now we sometimes get snatches of them in the letters page and rare pieces (of shit) in their entirety like the masterpiece above, but it sucks that now ripping apart Audition Writing is a special occasion when it used to be part of every issue why was Not Fit To Print shelved as a regular feature if you get 10 clunkers for every good article. surely you could replace "I'm dying over here" with some intentionally bad writing