The saga of the second Gross Jar continued this month with the addition of a load of semen.

A Vice staffer, asking to remain anonymous, took one for the team by retrieving the Gross Jar from the windowsill out back, taking it to the bathroom, and unscrewing the lid (which released an odor so bad that it could be smelled across the office—literally 20 feet away through a closed door and a wall). He then kneeled over the mass of fermented chicken, blood, eggs, milk, and spit…and jerked off into it.

"It was really hard," he said afterward. "I was breathing only though my mouth and even then, it was like I could taste the stench. I swear to god the air was thicker directly over the Jar."

It was a fairly big load, too. "I didn't come for a day and a half because I knew this was going down. I didn't want it to look like somebody dropped a tiny bit of hand soap in there."

At first, the cum sat on top of the Jar's existing contents, kind of like icing on a cake. After two hours, it slowly began to seep through the top layer of flesh and milky liquid. It looked like egg drop soup from a shitty Chinese restaurant.

We gave it one week, and the cum was completely absorbed into the quivering mass. It's like there was never jiz in there at all. It's almost like the guy never even had a dick.

The scientific deduction that we can make at this stage is that semen breaks down to its base components much quicker than blood, which remained at least sort of pink for three weeks. Therefore, blood is not only thicker than water—it also more tenacious than cum—which should come as a surprise to all males, who deal with cleaning up this crap almost daily.

We've been receiving an average of ten letters a day suggesting new ingredients for the Gross Jar. The list runs the gamut from a dead mouse to lime Jell-o. The most overwhelming request, of course, has been for a human turd. And that's just what you can expect next month.

VICE STAFF

COMMENTS

Anonymous, on Jul 20, 2008 wrote: break it in public place and film the reaction.

Subject: hi Date: Jan 18 2007 01:12:18 PM Author: yy show me sex game properly Subject: smokin/tokin Date: Nov 23 2005 01:57:50 PM Author: sammy BONG WATER. weve all accidentally tasted some of this shit, not to mention the smell. bong water'll do the trick nicely Subject: this is weak Date: Aug 03 2005 09:57:43 PM Author: j bartels did i mention that this is weak. i bet someone gets paid more than me (and a LOT more than you) to 'cum' (get it? tee hee!) up with this shit. Subject: SPERMA Date: Jun 09 2005 08:34:26 PM Author: DOKL I LIKE SEX Subject: briny treasure Date: May 25 2005 05:05:10 PM Author: john holmes...ya homie an aborted foetus Subject: how about Date: May 19 2005 03:23:55 PM Author: allen toenails and hair. or something still alive...like a tarantula. Subject: bird shit Date: Apr 11 2005 04:46:17 PM Author: octavie bird shit might be interesting. Dunno how you'd get it in there though. Subject: The Gross Jar Date: Mar 31 2005 05:53:19 PM Author: Lenny Put a twinkie in the gross jar. Does it soak up everything through time? Subject: Female cum Date: Mar 27 2005 06:17:13 AM Author: Lis nuff said Subject: gross jar Date: Mar 08 2005 08:18:28 PM Author: duz you are strong, man... i bet you can do any chick. no matter what the stench. good luck with that. Subject: queefin' Date: Mar 06 2005 11:36:21 PM Author: assmaster a packet of pop rox, some alkaseltzer, some bloody tampons, and a goldfish Subject: oz Date: Mar 06 2005 02:12:26 AM Author: tommy FUCK YOU YOU DORKS!!! GO TO HELL and get out of here Subject: please Date: Mar 02 2005 02:22:26 PM Author: sir franklin i would love to b the man to poop in your bucket... Subject: the original mix part 3 Date: Feb 28 2005 01:50:55 AM Author: gross jar 1998 the jar was fermented for most of the summer with us periodically adding new things. which always resulted in more vamit being added. then the day finnally came. the night before school was starting and our time to shine we drove up at 330 am and parked round back. we climbed up onto the roof and realized we knew absolutely nothing about heat and cooling systems or how vents works.this was our greatest downfall. we dumped the mud(so thick). into about 4 similar looking ducts and got the fuck out. the next day we were expecting to come into a schoool that reeked of nasty but were instead greeted by the smell of defeat it seems we were wrong in our duct selection. and when we climbed up at lunch time to see what was going wrong my best friend doug was greeted by a blasting of hot stink from a BLOWING duct. he promptly threw up on his jeans and crawled to the roof edge lowering himself down. its was a sad sad day indeed. Subject: the original mix part 2 Date: Feb 28 2005 01:31:02 AM Author: gross jar 1998 now the ingedients were carefully selected by using a method of what would happen if i ate that? the best answer being if it would probably kill me. put it in. so we did. here is a no bull shit list of the contenets i remember(we later had to up grade to a 5 gallon pail. half filled. dog shit.cat shit.cat litter piss clumps. vodka.eggs.milk.human vomit.hair.blood. a dead bird. oil. spit. a used tampon pulled from the trash at the ymca womens bathroom! a live frog and a pile of human dierrea. Subject: the original mix part 1 Date: Feb 28 2005 01:20:52 AM Author: gross jar 1998 when i was in grade ten myself and three firends (one female!) created "the stink". it was a 4 litre ice cream pail kept under one friends deck in what could only be described as a lawnmower furnace. because in the 35 plus summer heat of alberta(canada). under that deck would scorth to 45 plus almost everyday. now our attempt was to make a jar of something so fowl smelling that we could actually prolong the beginning of school by wafting the smell thru the entire school we planned on dumping the contents into a air intake for the air conditioning system Subject: dead things Date: Feb 25 2005 11:17:11 PM Author: Betty Ford If you put dead animals in water long enough, they bloat up and float to the top. How do you think they found Laci Peterson? Subject: der Date: Feb 25 2005 08:19:51 PM Author: your mom you fuckers need to put a cockroach or two up in that bitch. those pissy little fuckers can survive a fucking nuclear bomb... but cant they survuve the GROSS JAR? dum dum dum. cadillac surprise. Subject: tcejbus Date: Feb 24 2005 04:47:56 PM Author: emaN Put some toe jam and some guy's rotten, cheesy skin from a newly removed cast in there. That should jazz up the mix! Subject: suggestion Date: Feb 24 2005 04:19:11 PM Author: insane You should break the jar someplace where it will get a lage public reacion and document it. I mean, how else will we truly be able to appreciate the gossness of it? (please dont send me a sample) Subject: composting and fermentation Date: Feb 23 2005 12:58:02 PM Author: monkeypox I have seen what happens when you put a dead mouse inside a big bottle with some water and leave it outdoors. I must say the bottle was open (aerobic conditions), so it's not the same thing, but the fact is that after four months the thing was almost completely liquid. My training as a scientist makes me think in your case (anaerobic conditions) you'd end up with a smelly soup with a nice mouse skeleton. Subject: Stop it, now. Date: Feb 23 2005 05:20:01 AM Author: Prayer. :::The most overwhelming request, of course, has been for a human turd. And that's just what you can expect next month.::: OH NO GOD PLEASE DON'T DO THIS. Subject: I got it dude Date: Feb 23 2005 12:35:55 AM Author: I got it Make a male intern do this: Pick his nose and get a couple nice boogers, then eat them and hawk up a big loogy and spit the great mix into the shitbloodcummix... then get ready for the remix nigga... RippinFlyBingswerf = Smoking the Pot BURNS IS A PERSON Subject: pig Brains! Date: Feb 22 2005 08:33:14 PM Author: AriesFire Hmmm.....how about a can of pig brains....maybe thats a bad idea though...could spawn scary mutant pig creatures that could in turn take over the world... Subject: gross jar test tube baby Date: Feb 22 2005 05:36:27 PM Author: Gsauce put a period worth of used tampons or other menstrual blood catchers (whatever someone on your staff uses) that way we could have both male and female reproductive cells in the gross jar. if we are lucky the seeds of new life will germinate and feed off the gross jar contents. sounds like a plan guys!! Subject: how about slimy Date: Feb 22 2005 12:15:13 AM Author: moi chunks from a menstrating pig? ...or used condoms from some destitute motel in SF? what about the coaggulated blood from the syringe of a heroin junkie from seattle's famed c(r)apital hill? how 'bout i go to a hospital smoking area and collect all the cigarette butts from the all the sick patients, and stuff 'em in an envelope and send it to y'all? Subject: Already been done! Date: Feb 21 2005 08:50:34 AM Author: Manchu All that jar needs is some pickled eggs and its a spitting image of the jar at my local chip shop......who eats those fucking things!! I did have a massive shit in it this one time... Subject: suggestion Date: Feb 20 2005 10:34:18 PM Author: noel give it a good shake. Subject: shit be growing Date: Feb 20 2005 09:53:46 PM Author: Skutch Can some scientific mind explain how that thing almost doubled it's volume since the first photo? Dude couldn't have busted that much nut. Subject: fetus Date: Feb 19 2005 01:44:40 PM Author: abortion rulz i dont know if there even possible to get but vice should try to stick an aborted fetus in there, THAT would be fuckin gross Subject: your gross jar Date: Feb 19 2005 12:02:29 AM Author: mine How about a flower seed? A really tenacious flower or leafy green plant? A fern maybe. They're as old as cockroaches and just as enduring under extreme conditions. And it would be a nice addition to the office, too. Subject: heat Date: Feb 18 2005 09:33:33 PM Author: mikey have the jar in a south facing window, so it gets the most of the day's sunshine. Subject: gross jar!!!!! Date: Feb 18 2005 08:27:02 AM Author: me that things just plain nasty!! i can smell it over here in England!! but... how about adding cat vomit to the jar??????? urghhh that shit stinks!! Subject: whatabout.. Date: Feb 18 2005 07:56:14 AM Author: ... ..some battery acid...or something equally corrosive? not that gross, but might trigger some kind of cool reaction? Subject: semen Date: Feb 18 2005 02:22:18 AM Author: nasty My ex boyfriend and i try to leave the semen in his jar jar a few years back. It started to stink after a few days...gross! Subject: jar Date: Feb 17 2005 11:38:22 PM Author: Skutch a lit M-80? Subject: Some sort of living thing Date: Feb 16 2005 08:48:01 PM Author: hunter I think there should be some tapeworms or maggots or something. That would be gross me out. Subject: mmmm? Date: Feb 16 2005 08:40:42 PM Author: brenda starr an abortion! Subject: pussyjuice Date: Feb 15 2005 10:06:16 PM Author: Shiiiit Yo , have some bitch menstrate in that shit Subject: scrape Date: Feb 15 2005 11:09:07 AM Author: Bo sweat/shit/hair from the ass of a 400 lb transvestite hooker with bad teeth after they have OD'd Subject: Breast milk Date: Feb 15 2005 11:08:21 AM Author: davedave breast milk from a anorexic nazi... Subject: expecting Date: Feb 14 2005 11:15:48 PM Author: M. ...if there IS a next month... Subject: obvious Date: Feb 14 2005 10:43:00 PM Author: 159 they need to ramp it up to a "meta gross" addition: someone oughta man up and drink a small portion of the contents and then vomit them back into the jar. they could chase it with everclear and cipro and I'm sure they'd live. fuck, pay someone a $100 bucks to get it done, it'd rule. Subject: i mean... Date: Feb 14 2005 12:22:01 AM Author: steve steve i used to make these fucking things back in kindergarten on the weekends... best part was, you'd forget about one in the garage and it'd explode once in awhile Subject: angel dust Date: Feb 13 2005 01:40:30 PM Author: Archie Bunker How about a copy of your gay magazine. Subject: uh Date: Feb 13 2005 12:18:06 PM Author: mmmmm there was this wierd kid in highschool. and he had a jar kinda like this. he found a dead rabbit on the ground somewhere and he cut its eye out, then he put it in a jar and pissed in it. he stuck it under his bed for like 5 months, and then wrapped it up and gave it to his mom for her birthday present. she opened it up and barfed. that kid was wierd. Subject: Placenta Date: Feb 12 2005 10:09:12 PM Author: Justin Placenta? Subject: jars Date: Feb 12 2005 07:00:06 PM Author: Kevin How about a $100 bill? Subject: jar Date: Feb 12 2005 05:37:16 PM Author: Skutch How about a little plastic scuba diver or a little plastic buried treasure? Subject: I second that emotion Date: Feb 12 2005 12:25:04 AM Author: jones I vote for what that other guy said....yeah yeah goldfish... Subject: one smelly sample Date: Feb 11 2005 11:28:23 PM Author: rub me raw How about a lanced boil off the hairy ass of some 300lb Tiajuana stripper that has just come home from a 72 hour shift? Subject: FUCK IT. Date: Feb 11 2005 06:03:57 PM Author: 3507321C ONE WORD...............FETUS. Subject: yep Date: Feb 11 2005 03:41:14 PM Author: hmmm Get a few goldfish in there and see how long they last! Subject: 9 months from now Date: Feb 11 2005 03:21:50 PM Author: antigenius the gross jar has been impregnated and is going to hatch a fucking mutant Subject: menstral chunks Date: Feb 11 2005 02:12:00 PM Author: tnutt yeah some nice menstral chunks, maybee throw in some toenails or yeast infection. Subject: betrayed Date: Feb 11 2005 12:57:25 PM Author: JohnM How could you do that to your boys? Sperm are built to deal with some serious shit in their journeys but c'mon! Subject: dunno Date: Feb 11 2005 05:57:37 AM Author: konshuss how about like a cow's eye or something that stares back at us in horror as it emulsifies Subject: put in one Date: Feb 11 2005 12:03:16 AM Author: liam used tampon. you guys need some freshly sluffed uterous in there. Subject: Human Turd? Date: Feb 10 2005 11:08:58 PM Author: Albrino I'll send one in the mail.