I don't know about you Yank girls, but I cannot imagine anything more devastating than being called "cunt" in an East London brogue while a skinny white boy with spots and a few scars slides his stiff English dick in and out my fanny. It's called national pride.

And if he's a sensitive-thug grime rapper with a big recording contract in his wallet from the same label that broke The Streets, all the better.

In other words, I am gagging to fuck Plan B. He's a 21-year-old writer, producer, and rapper named Ben (his last name is a secret) from Forest Gate, East London, and he's about to make Brit vaginas explode with pleasure when he drops his debut single, "Kids," this month. It's a little fucked-up how he raps about raping girls and stabbing people in alleyways, but it also kind of makes me insanely fucking horny.

VICE: So, is all that stuff about raping girls and stabbing people in alleyways for real?

Plan B: The whole song is my impression of the way a lot of dumb kids are thinking. There's a lot of humor in ignorance. When people are ignorant, you laugh at them. For a kid to do something like rape or rob, he must be a right fucking cunt. I try to get in the minds of those kids and show them what fucking cunts they are.

You like the cunt word, huh?

When you say it, they know you mean business.

Is it OK to say it to girls?

If she's a mouthy bitch and she's talking to you like you're not worth anything, then yeah.

So are you getting a lot of cunt at the moment?

There's a song that's going on the mixtape called "Foreign Exchange," and I talk about meeting this French girl and having sex with her, and one of the things I say is that I'm using a condom while I'm fucking her.

Every time I have sex I always use condoms. I'm very paranoid of these sexual diseases. That's one of the things I said to the label, I wanted to have condoms with Plan B written on them so the crowd could get them out and blow them up and thrown them around and shit.

ANITA CRAPPER
Plan B is signed to 679 Records in the UK.

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These kinda people get the shit kicked out of them [by each other] 24/7 anyway so they'll probably die out in a few years now why doesn't everyone with something to say about americans or brits just NOT FUCKING SAY IT CUS IT'S PROBABLY A LOAD OF SHITE. patriotic cunts. rant over. i'm fucking 14 you dicks get some sense x Subject: sex Date: Dec 20 2005 03:50:19 PM Author: ahmet sex me male 33 sxx13_21@hotmail.com Subject: sex Date: Dec 20 2005 03:12:27 PM Author: to hit cunt me love and sex me name ahmet sxx13_21@hotmail.com Subject: fucking tips Date: Oct 23 2005 06:46:44 AM Author: shily hi can i know that with fuck pattrenn is the most gitls like Subject: young girls Date: Oct 05 2005 11:47:59 PM Author: hassan facking Subject: lambrini Date: Sep 26 2005 08:55:47 PM Author: checkered cap lambrini is for slags and tramps and that blunt that cunts smoking is probably rolled up dockers. fuckin tramp Subject: Inbreading and survival of the weak Date: Sep 17 2005 08:07:48 PM Author: Another American Asshole After killing off practically all of your strongest male breeding stock in two world wars it's no wonder everyone looks so pasty, spotty and recessive like a product of Victorian era aritocratic incest. Britain, I love you guys, but you are a bunch of ugly-assed motherfuckers. Subject: mum Date: Sep 09 2005 07:50:53 AM Author: Tim Carr I fuck my mum Subject: noone likes Date: Aug 23 2005 03:51:53 PM Author: you All you yanks can give it bout the british over the Internet, I bet you wouldn't dare say a damn thing if you was over here. Furthermore, it may be a trait of the British to have bad teeth, but at least we know how to dress(excluding the cunt in the photo). Wearing baseball caps backwards, basketball tops, chinos, lumberjack shirts, big retard shoes. Notice the dont's section is always americans! No wonder your women prefer british men! Just makes you wanna fly aircraft into tall buildings. We pretended to care about that, we didn't really! Subject: Laughable Date: Aug 01 2005 02:43:09 PM Author: Manc Oooley British rap is never gonna be half as good as the dire shite thats coming out of america at the momen, fiddy? the game? (what kinda fucking name is that?!!!) so Plan B doesnt even come into contention for a flying fuck. This guy puts the cock in cockney poof. Subject: dear o dear Date: Jul 29 2005 03:25:32 PM Author: samantha u know i think the girl on the right is actually this girl that lives in ingatestone, essex...t hat's right u've all heard of essex... she used to go to my school, and ur right... she is a minger! her fucken foundation is so thick u could spoon it off her face. quite sickening really. anyways. make some decent music u idiots! Subject: pits Date: Jul 18 2005 06:18:33 AM Author: kim n jodie u sweaty betty! Get a wash u slag! I cant believe u lot u low life fuckers lv y'all over n out! Subject: pussy Date: Jul 06 2005 03:55:39 AM Author: cunt why cant i get any pussy i love it to bits, licking that soft warm thing and the kinda salty tase in my mouth. Subject: White Trash Bumpkin Date: Jun 24 2005 09:02:23 AM Author: Mungo Jerry There is no irony whatsoever in this picture - look at that dudes fuck-wit, basically retarded features, and his slag white trash sister and friend. What they are drinking is more or less sparkling thunderbird with a lower alcohol content. Subject: worst thing to be called: Date: Jun 22 2005 02:20:04 PM Author: man cumdumpster? Subject: fuckwits Date: May 16 2005 05:56:42 AM Author: you all so stupid man you guys all need to fucking relax, you are all soooo full of shit, not all brits have bad teeth and not all americans are fat, those two girls are just two random slags, that dont mean all brit girl are ruff shit, get a clue cunt chops! Subject: Calm Down People Date: May 08 2005 02:23:28 AM Author: NoiNoi I really like british boys i want to screw them all with their cute little accents it drives me wild...why is everyone making fun of the girls. their are plenty of chicks in the US that look fucked up...trailer trash..... and every mother fucking republican. These girls dont represent the entire society, fucking dumb americans Subject: who found him cool Date: May 01 2005 07:19:11 PM Author: north now you are jaded if you think this is the future , i could leave it at that for you to fucking think about. However i know you yanks are all fucking impulsive and competitive so... Subject: lime lavored cunt Date: Apr 28 2005 04:31:54 AM Author: chinaski Dear CUNT, I would like to be eaten. I haven't heard such strong talk since M Thatcher and R Reagan got down and dirty with ye olde double dong. Please eat me furiously. You strappin' lads wiff yer ruffnek lime squeez'n arms, ooh, don' let me balls knock you sensible... Subject: hotttt Date: Apr 17 2005 04:21:33 PM Author: sarah nice pit stains Subject: neanderthals Date: Apr 13 2005 07:54:14 AM Author: Darwin I rest my theory. We evolved from apes. Subject: pants Date: Apr 10 2005 06:15:59 AM Author: atilla love all the brit/yank slagging that this piece has create. its true that english rap is acompletly diferent level than US. The Streets is pure uk folk hop and US rap is now all R&B shit. Anyhoo l rekon if this isnt a pisstake then its pants. Subject: ta cabron Date: Apr 07 2005 07:19:31 PM Author: mexicano jay-sus i vote for you to be THE RAPPER wherever you are from... that was a pretty rhythmic one Subject: Teefs Date: Apr 04 2005 06:22:50 PM Author: Dr. Burnside What is it with yanks mentioning our teeth when they can't think of anything? Youze are fucking fat. hahaha Go on a diet fatties! hahaha! fatty fat fat! hahaha! See, it sounds pathetic don't it? Change the fuckin record. Subject: garbage girls Date: Mar 31 2005 08:39:03 PM Author: montreal i was going to fly to england to see my firends for a few weeks but these girls are GARBAGE! is that really how it is? Subject: calm down kids Date: Mar 24 2005 12:24:11 PM Author: scuse me whats the point in having good teeth if u just use them to talk shit. theres some shit hot uk music around if u just take the time to look for it. too busy listening to fiddy cent huh Subject: p.s. Date: Mar 16 2005 08:20:44 AM Author: Brit = shit The Streets is TOTALLY shit and CUNT, what the fuck would your paleass brit self do to any yank? go watch your EastEnders Subject: Brit = shit Date: Mar 16 2005 08:20:21 AM Author: superior it cracks me up how British people once had an empire the sun never set on, and still their dental hygiene is worse than that of the Bangladeshi slum-dwellers of Dakar. HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH Subject: u Date: Mar 13 2005 06:13:13 PM Author: hahahahahah it cracks me up how vice does such a good job of making yanks looking intelligent and then all there readers come on the forum and undo it all hahahahahah Subject: white rap Date: Mar 10 2005 04:59:21 AM Author: yank hater you gave us vanila ice so you started this shit. why dont you go and invade some other small country and then you can toss yourselves off again. these people are sad in what the are doing ,trying to be black.why? i do not want to be second rate Subject: dunno sumfing Date: Mar 08 2005 04:04:01 PM Author: can i speak sir I couldn't be arsed to read any of this, i think i read abit of the first one and then scanned the rest (if that)... why am i hear? you may ask. i was looking for porn. DOH!!!! The picture well ChavTrash OK. Subject: it's pretty arbitary isn't it? Date: Mar 04 2005 09:53:54 PM Author: who cares how could you identify anyone from this message board on the street? what's the point in that? and what would matter if they did point it out, it won't ever keep them from doing it again, just give up. Subject: PLAN B Date: Mar 04 2005 02:21:54 PM Author: CUNT HAS IT EVER OCCURRED TO MANY OF THE FOOLS THAT ARE RIPPING THE PISS OUT OF THE ABOVE PHOTO SHOOT THAT IT JUST MIGHT POSSIBLY BE TONGUE-IN-CHEEK. U FUCKING LOW-LEVEL SEPTIC FUCKWITTS. ROLL ON PLAN B AND IF I EVER SEE ANY LAME ASS YANK CUNT DARE CROSS THE FUCKIN WATER AND VENTURE EAST U WILL BE FUCKIN EATEN Subject: whatd´fack Date: Mar 04 2005 11:41:30 AM Author: fackoff bird on d´left got xtra shaped out lips. would test dat 1. Theyre so hot they even sweat themselves. londons got some uglyassbitches around Subject: wake up gavin get your head outta ya ass Date: Mar 01 2005 01:51:59 PM Author: M.V.B. looks like Gavin & the boys have been doin' blow in the bathroom while the UK interns run wild with the new issue...fuck a cockney grime scene! Subject: .... Date: Mar 01 2005 12:36:16 PM Author: Dr. Dick Yeah, But you are from Britan so that could mean only two things... you have bad teeth and you are gay. Subject: Clueless Date: Mar 01 2005 03:56:10 AM Author: Brittania rules the airwaves "Subject: brits give me the shivers Date: Feb 18 2005 04:10:42 PM Author: paul mac carthy" Well actaully dickhead, what the fuck would you know about 99% of British music? The fact is that most of the decent British music stays within Britain, as we dont feel the need to justify our music with ignorant opinions from tossers like you. Where does all the shite like Chingy, Britney Spears etc etc etc etc etctet fdgkljsfdjk;gheagjkst come from? Not saying that all British music is great, because i know its not, but when someone from the most self-obsessed country on earth starts telling people about someone elses music, it makes me laugh. Now fuck off. Subject: Please Date: Feb 28 2005 12:23:41 PM Author: Please You guys usually know better. 8 years ago this guy used to wear Chip and Pepper shirts and thought "Pump up the jam" was a rap song. That's okay though because putting this dude in your magazine is basically payola and since you're doing it so blatantly it's kind of gangsta in a Wal-Mart kind of way. Subject: the streets Date: Feb 27 2005 02:51:28 PM Author: the streets the streets was interesting for about five minutes. it's awful music. Subject: funny Date: Feb 27 2005 12:40:45 PM Author: lester good parody Subject: english gurlz Date: Feb 25 2005 12:35:24 PM Author: phreak seeker english rap (spoken word??) is about as good as the two gurlz in the above photo. shit, the one in the middle has a double chin fer christ sake. what the fuck the vice? you're supposed 2 B offering discerning criticism. not some fucking cockney poser poser with a couple of snaggle toothed sows? say it ain't so!!! Subject: ..... Date: Feb 24 2005 08:44:30 PM Author: wu tang That kid hangs out with some sweaty-ass hos Subject: Inbred Date: Feb 23 2005 06:26:03 AM Author: The Addams Family Your father is your brother..... your sister is your mother.... They all fuck one another.... The Plan B Family!!!! Subject: Facking Cants Date: Feb 23 2005 12:01:45 AM Author: M. He didn't really directly answer the question if he's getting lots of cunt right now or not. Why? Subject: this right here Date: Feb 22 2005 07:30:33 PM Author: kildslsa anita. anita. anita. You are the reason why ill never have kids. Theres a fiftyfifty shot of the kid turning out to be of the same sex as you. Man! Subject: argh. the sound Date: Feb 21 2005 10:42:37 PM Author: nesbitt that Illstrated Family Doctor ad is the most annoying fucking web ad of all time. I can't read the articles for all that banging and crashing Subject: lambrella fella Date: Feb 18 2005 06:38:44 PM Author: kazmatronix lambrella is far cheaper than lambrini,what the fuck is this supposed to be ghetto? id say hes far to bling for me snaggletooth is all in this season Subject: brits give me the shivers Date: Feb 18 2005 04:10:42 PM Author: paul mac carthy i hate most of british music. its a joke. its allways a sell-out. grime? what the fuck? sounds as appealing like speed garage or other fancy words men in grey-flanell suits invent to promote some lameass and mostly ugly hungover lad copycat, that should be the new big thing. and everytime some brits make an international number 1 hit, all the mags and tabloids sport the union jack for months on their cover. this is so pathetic. just check again every british release you have in your cd lp collection thats older than 2 years, and you will recognize allways the same phenomena: it allways looks so much more out of time than any releases of the same period from anywhere else. why is that? because its fake ass shit, that is so slickly promoted, that it has a lifespan of excactly 2 month. so dont get fooled, dont buy this shit. Subject: "facking cants" Date: Feb 18 2005 08:56:12 AM Author: me this is a small minority representation of British youth!! also known as CHAV's, SCALLIES, SCUM and a disgrace to british society!! i mean come on whats with the bottle of cheap £1.99 bottle of sparkling wine??? and he's displying it likes its a bottle of Champagne!! and those two nastyass birds next to him are just easy access...i mean all it takes is a glass of cheap wine to get them into bed!! VICE...like alot of other girrls he ain't making me feel horny he's a scrawny white guy who wants should be working at macdonalds or something cuz he ain't got a face for T.V!!!! p.s. BRITISH girls are HOT!!! with an exception of a few!! Subject: BirdZ Date: Feb 15 2005 05:11:07 PM Author: me The one on the right's pokeable, I reckon. The bird to her left is her mum. Subject: wu Date: Feb 15 2005 03:53:44 PM Author: fu those girls are haggard. that dude looks like my paperboy. Subject: Daaaamn! Date: Feb 15 2005 01:04:36 PM Author: M. Nike shirt. Her name is Dr. Pitstains. Subject: nerds Date: Feb 14 2005 05:52:46 PM Author: johnny the skinny one has braces and the other one has chins Subject: dark stainedarm pit Date: Feb 13 2005 10:36:02 PM Author: ozix jesusys like it seven hot in facking england- wasup wiz the stainsssss? Subject: death of GRIME Date: Feb 13 2005 02:53:04 PM Author: whistleblower So white kids from the 'wrong side of the tracks' are the biggest thing in the uk GRIME scene nowadays, is that what you're saying VICE or Anita crappy or is it just your fucking 'national pride'?:smashed:... Subject: chavs Date: Feb 13 2005 02:11:22 AM Author: boots fucking hate that skinny chav! CHAV! Subject: fucking aye. Date: Feb 12 2005 10:22:09 PM Author: rooskie i'm so sick of european people. especially ones that rap. Subject: What fuck Date: Feb 11 2005 09:52:02 PM Author: Chod Haven't any English people ever heard of a fucking dentist. Snaggle teeth on the one on the right and you can only see two of her teeth. Like canada has the beaver and Puerto Rico has teen pregnancy, is this their national identity Subject: nun Date: Feb 11 2005 09:17:17 PM Author: i hate hell Her right armpit hates that Nike t-shirt a lot. I'm totally on the t-shirt's side Subject: PLAN B ? Date: Feb 11 2005 05:27:29 PM Author: 3507321C THAT KIDS A FUCKIN CUNT ! Subject: plan b wat? Date: Feb 11 2005 04:48:35 PM Author: MC5 these kids are brainless Subject: yawn Date: Feb 11 2005 01:32:13 PM Author: chickenfried Nice self-promotion, Vice. Lady Sovereign and Plan B are on your new grime comp, right? Subject: jay-sus Date: Feb 11 2005 12:30:15 PM Author: evileverywhere could english girls be any less atractive please? The one on the right is essentially a pale mutant who's mom was obviously hitting the bottle when she was in the oven. I can't believe this is the nan this guy is landing and you say he's gonna make the euro-puss explode. He's the guy you see who's banging all the ugly chicks that you secretly want to thank for taking them out of the pool. Subject: pits Date: Feb 10 2005 07:55:46 PM Author: lotar that chick's got mean pits!