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“I’ll tell you something. I was bored in that marriage because it was going nowhere. I was a human doing, not a human being. I love my daughter, so help me God, but I was sick of being jealous of her. This way I can be myself, a true artist. I had to leave my family to become my family. Now I’m me and my wife and my daughter AND I DON’T NEED THEM ANYMORE!!!
Fuck the courts.” Comments/Enlarge | See all



Girls like to pretend they aren’t going to have kids, but when they see moms like this glide down the street in Chanel boots talking to some rich fag they secretly think, “One day.”
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Takes For-fucking-ever






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The saga of the second Gross Jar continue...



ANDY CAPPER
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See all articles by this contributor


I don't know what all the fuss is about mermaids. They're actually fucking hideous.Comments/Enlarge | See all




Photo by Alex Sturrock

FACKING CANTS

Sex Education With Plan B



I don't know about you Yank girls, but I cannot imagine anything more devastating than being called "cunt" in an East London brogue while a skinny white boy with spots and a few scars slides his stiff English dick in and out my fanny. It's called national pride.

And if he's a sensitive-thug grime rapper with a big recording contract in his wallet from the same label that broke The Streets, all the better.

In other words, I am gagging to fuck Plan B. He's a 21-year-old writer, producer, and rapper named Ben (his last name is a secret) from Forest Gate, East London, and he's about to make Brit vaginas explode with pleasure when he drops his debut single, "Kids," this month. It's a little fucked-up how he raps about raping girls and stabbing people in alleyways, but it also kind of makes me insanely fucking horny.

VICE: So, is all that stuff about raping girls and stabbing people in alleyways for real?

Plan B: The whole song is my impression of the way a lot of dumb kids are thinking. There's a lot of humor in ignorance. When people are ignorant, you laugh at them. For a kid to do something like rape or rob, he must be a right fucking cunt. I try to get in the minds of those kids and show them what fucking cunts they are.

You like the cunt word, huh?

When you say it, they know you mean business.

Is it OK to say it to girls?

If she's a mouthy bitch and she's talking to you like you're not worth anything, then yeah.

So are you getting a lot of cunt at the moment?

There's a song that's going on the mixtape called "Foreign Exchange," and I talk about meeting this French girl and having sex with her, and one of the things I say is that I'm using a condom while I'm fucking her.

Every time I have sex I always use condoms. I'm very paranoid of these sexual diseases. That's one of the things I said to the label, I wanted to have condoms with Plan B written on them so the crowd could get them out and blow them up and thrown them around and shit.

ANITA CRAPPER
Plan B is signed to 679 Records in the UK.

SEE ALL ARTICLES BY THIS CONTRIBUTOR

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all you fuckers talking about the streets and shit need to get something right
THEY ARE ON A WHOLE DIFFERENT LEVEL from any of this r'n'b shit nowadays fifty ccent and all that sound all the fucking same. [excluding eminem] the streets are something completely different and don't follow any of this shit that comes from the game and all that shite OKAY!.
and for fucks sake we all know these 'CUNTS' don't represent the whole population of britain dumbasses. These kinda people get the shit kicked out of them [by each other] 24/7 anyway so they'll probably die out in a few years
now why doesn't everyone with something to say about americans or brits just NOT FUCKING SAY IT CUS IT'S PROBABLY A LOAD OF SHITE.
patriotic cunts. rant over.

i'm fucking 14 you dicks
get some sense
x



Subject: sex
Date: Dec 20 2005 03:50:19 PM
Author: ahmet

sex
me male 33
sxx13_21@hotmail.com



Subject: sex
Date: Dec 20 2005 03:12:27 PM
Author: to hit cunt me

love and sex
me name ahmet
sxx13_21@hotmail.com



Subject: fucking tips
Date: Oct 23 2005 06:46:44 AM
Author: shily

hi can i know that with fuck pattrenn is the most gitls like



Subject: young girls
Date: Oct 05 2005 11:47:59 PM
Author: hassan

facking







Subject: lambrini
Date: Sep 26 2005 08:55:47 PM
Author: checkered cap

lambrini is for slags and tramps and that blunt that cunts smoking is probably rolled up dockers.
fuckin tramp



Subject: Inbreading and survival of the weak
Date: Sep 17 2005 08:07:48 PM
Author: Another American Asshole

After killing off practically all of your strongest male breeding stock in two world wars it's no wonder everyone looks so pasty, spotty and recessive like a product of Victorian era aritocratic incest.

Britain, I love you guys, but you are a bunch of ugly-assed motherfuckers.



Subject: mum
Date: Sep 09 2005 07:50:53 AM
Author: Tim Carr

I fuck my mum



Subject: noone likes
Date: Aug 23 2005 03:51:53 PM
Author: you

All you yanks can give it bout the british over the Internet, I bet you wouldn't dare say a damn thing if you was over here. Furthermore, it may be a trait of the British to have bad teeth, but at least we know how to dress(excluding the cunt in the photo).
Wearing baseball caps backwards, basketball tops, chinos, lumberjack shirts, big retard shoes. Notice the dont's section is always americans! No wonder your women prefer british men! Just makes you wanna fly aircraft into tall buildings. We pretended to care about that, we didn't really!



Subject: Laughable
Date: Aug 01 2005 02:43:09 PM
Author: Manc Oooley

British rap is never gonna be half as good as the dire shite thats coming out of america at the momen, fiddy? the game? (what kinda fucking name is that?!!!) so Plan B doesnt even come into contention for a flying fuck. This guy puts the cock in cockney poof.



Subject: dear o dear
Date: Jul 29 2005 03:25:32 PM
Author: samantha

u know i think the girl on the right is actually this girl that lives in ingatestone, essex...t hat's right u've all heard of essex... she used to go to my school, and ur right... she is a minger! her fucken foundation is so thick u could spoon it off her face. quite sickening really. anyways. make some decent music u idiots!



Subject: pits
Date: Jul 18 2005 06:18:33 AM
Author: kim n jodie

u sweaty betty! Get a wash u slag! I cant believe u lot u low life fuckers
lv y'all
over n out!



Subject: pussy
Date: Jul 06 2005 03:55:39 AM
Author: cunt

why cant i get any pussy i love it to bits, licking that soft warm thing and the kinda salty tase in my mouth.



Subject: White Trash Bumpkin
Date: Jun 24 2005 09:02:23 AM
Author: Mungo Jerry

There is no irony whatsoever in this picture - look at that dudes fuck-wit, basically retarded features, and his slag white trash sister and friend. What they are drinking is more or less sparkling thunderbird with a lower alcohol content.



Subject: worst thing to be called:
Date: Jun 22 2005 02:20:04 PM
Author: man

cumdumpster?



Subject: fuckwits
Date: May 16 2005 05:56:42 AM
Author: you all so stupid

man you guys all need to fucking relax, you are all soooo full of shit, not all brits have bad teeth and not all americans are fat, those two girls are just two random slags, that dont mean all brit girl are ruff shit, get a clue cunt chops!



Subject: Calm Down People
Date: May 08 2005 02:23:28 AM
Author: NoiNoi

I really like british boys i want to screw them all with their cute little accents it drives me wild...why is everyone making fun of the girls. their are plenty of chicks in the US that look fucked up...trailer trash..... and every mother fucking republican. These girls dont represent the entire society, fucking dumb americans



Subject: who found him cool
Date: May 01 2005 07:19:11 PM
Author: north now

you are jaded if you think this is the future , i could leave it at that for you to fucking think about. However i know you yanks are all fucking impulsive and competitive so...



Subject: lime lavored cunt
Date: Apr 28 2005 04:31:54 AM
Author: chinaski

Dear CUNT,
I would like to be eaten. I haven't heard such strong talk since M Thatcher and R Reagan got down and dirty with ye olde double dong. Please eat me furiously. You strappin' lads wiff yer ruffnek lime squeez'n arms, ooh, don' let me balls knock you sensible...



Subject: hotttt
Date: Apr 17 2005 04:21:33 PM
Author: sarah

nice pit stains



Subject: neanderthals
Date: Apr 13 2005 07:54:14 AM
Author: Darwin

I rest my theory. We evolved from apes.



Subject: pants
Date: Apr 10 2005 06:15:59 AM
Author: atilla

love all the brit/yank slagging that this piece has create. its true that english rap is acompletly diferent level than US. The Streets is pure uk folk hop and US rap is now all R&B shit. Anyhoo l rekon if this isnt a pisstake then its pants.



Subject: ta cabron
Date: Apr 07 2005 07:19:31 PM
Author: mexicano

jay-sus i vote for you to be THE RAPPER wherever you are from... that was a pretty rhythmic one



Subject: Teefs
Date: Apr 04 2005 06:22:50 PM
Author: Dr. Burnside

What is it with yanks mentioning our teeth when they can't think of anything?

Youze are fucking fat. hahaha
Go on a diet fatties!
hahaha! fatty fat fat! hahaha!

See, it sounds pathetic don't it?
Change the fuckin record.



Subject: garbage girls
Date: Mar 31 2005 08:39:03 PM
Author: montreal

i was going to fly to england to see my firends for a few weeks but these girls are GARBAGE!
is that really how it is?



Subject: calm down kids
Date: Mar 24 2005 12:24:11 PM
Author: scuse me

whats the point in having good teeth if u just use them to talk shit. theres some shit hot uk music around if u just take the time to look for it. too busy listening to fiddy cent huh



Subject: p.s.
Date: Mar 16 2005 08:20:44 AM
Author: Brit = shit

The Streets is TOTALLY shit and CUNT, what the fuck would your paleass brit self do to any yank? go watch your EastEnders



Subject: Brit = shit
Date: Mar 16 2005 08:20:21 AM
Author: superior

it cracks me up how British people once had an empire the sun never set on, and still their dental hygiene is worse than that of the Bangladeshi slum-dwellers of Dakar. HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH



Subject: u
Date: Mar 13 2005 06:13:13 PM
Author: hahahahahah

it cracks me up how vice does such a good job of making yanks looking intelligent and then all there readers come on the forum and undo it all hahahahahah



Subject: white rap
Date: Mar 10 2005 04:59:21 AM
Author: yank hater

you gave us vanila ice so you started this shit. why dont you go and invade some other small country and then you can toss yourselves off again. these people are sad in what the are doing ,trying to be black.why? i do not want to be second rate



Subject: dunno sumfing
Date: Mar 08 2005 04:04:01 PM
Author: can i speak sir

I couldn't be arsed to read any of this, i think i read abit of the first one and then scanned the rest (if that)... why am i hear? you may ask. i was looking for porn. DOH!!!! The picture well ChavTrash OK.



Subject: it's pretty arbitary isn't it?
Date: Mar 04 2005 09:53:54 PM
Author: who cares

how could you identify anyone from this message board on the street? what's the point in that? and what would matter if they did point it out, it won't ever keep them from doing it again, just give up.



Subject: PLAN B
Date: Mar 04 2005 02:21:54 PM
Author: CUNT

HAS IT EVER OCCURRED TO MANY OF THE FOOLS THAT ARE RIPPING THE PISS OUT OF THE ABOVE PHOTO SHOOT THAT IT JUST MIGHT POSSIBLY BE TONGUE-IN-CHEEK. U FUCKING LOW-LEVEL SEPTIC FUCKWITTS.

ROLL ON PLAN B

AND IF I EVER SEE ANY LAME ASS YANK CUNT DARE CROSS THE FUCKIN WATER AND VENTURE EAST U WILL BE FUCKIN EATEN



Subject: whatd´fack
Date: Mar 04 2005 11:41:30 AM
Author: fackoff

bird on d´left got xtra shaped out lips.
would test dat 1. Theyre so hot they even sweat themselves. londons got some uglyassbitches around



Subject: wake up gavin get your head outta ya ass
Date: Mar 01 2005 01:51:59 PM
Author: M.V.B.

looks like Gavin & the boys have been doin' blow in the bathroom while the UK interns run wild with the new issue...fuck a cockney grime scene!



Subject: ....
Date: Mar 01 2005 12:36:16 PM
Author: Dr. Dick

Yeah, But you are from Britan so that could mean only two things... you have bad teeth and you are gay.



Subject: Clueless
Date: Mar 01 2005 03:56:10 AM
Author: Brittania rules the airwaves

"Subject: brits give me the shivers
Date: Feb 18 2005 04:10:42 PM
Author: paul mac carthy"


Well actaully dickhead, what the fuck would you know about 99% of British music? The fact is that most of the decent British music stays within Britain, as we dont feel the need to justify our music with ignorant opinions from tossers like you. Where does all the shite like Chingy, Britney Spears etc etc etc etc etctet fdgkljsfdjk;gheagjkst come from? Not saying that all British music is great, because i know its not, but when someone from the most self-obsessed country on earth starts telling people about someone elses music, it makes me laugh.

Now fuck off.



Subject: Please
Date: Feb 28 2005 12:23:41 PM
Author: Please

You guys usually know better. 8 years ago this guy used to wear Chip and Pepper shirts and thought "Pump up the jam" was a rap song.

That's okay though because putting this dude in your magazine is basically payola and since you're doing it so blatantly it's kind of gangsta in a Wal-Mart kind of way.




Subject: the streets
Date: Feb 27 2005 02:51:28 PM
Author: the streets

the streets was interesting for about five minutes. it's awful music.



Subject: funny
Date: Feb 27 2005 12:40:45 PM
Author: lester

good parody



Subject: english gurlz
Date: Feb 25 2005 12:35:24 PM
Author: phreak seeker

english rap (spoken word??) is about as good as the two gurlz in the above photo. shit, the one in the middle has a double chin fer christ sake.

what the fuck the vice? you're supposed 2 B offering discerning criticism. not some fucking cockney poser poser with a couple of snaggle toothed sows?

say it ain't so!!!



Subject: .....
Date: Feb 24 2005 08:44:30 PM
Author: wu tang

That kid hangs out with some sweaty-ass hos



Subject: Inbred
Date: Feb 23 2005 06:26:03 AM
Author: The Addams Family

Your father is your brother.....
your sister is your mother....
They all fuck one another....
The Plan B Family!!!!



Subject: Facking Cants
Date: Feb 23 2005 12:01:45 AM
Author: M.

He didn't really directly answer the question if he's getting lots of cunt right now or not. Why?



Subject: this right here
Date: Feb 22 2005 07:30:33 PM
Author: kildslsa

anita. anita. anita.
You are the reason why ill never have kids.
Theres a fiftyfifty shot of the kid turning out to be of the same sex as you.
Man!



Subject: argh. the sound
Date: Feb 21 2005 10:42:37 PM
Author: nesbitt

that Illstrated Family Doctor ad is the most annoying fucking web ad of all time. I can't read the articles for all that banging and crashing



Subject: lambrella fella
Date: Feb 18 2005 06:38:44 PM
Author: kazmatronix

lambrella is far cheaper than lambrini,what the fuck is this supposed to be ghetto? id say hes far to bling for me

snaggletooth is all in this season



Subject: brits give me the shivers
Date: Feb 18 2005 04:10:42 PM
Author: paul mac carthy

i hate most of british music. its a joke. its allways a sell-out. grime? what the fuck?
sounds as appealing like speed garage or other fancy words men in grey-flanell suits invent to promote some lameass and mostly ugly hungover lad copycat, that should be the new big thing.
and everytime some brits make an international number 1 hit, all the mags and tabloids sport the union jack for months on their cover. this is so pathetic.
just check again every british release you have in your cd lp collection thats older than 2 years, and you will recognize allways the same phenomena: it allways looks so much more out of time than any releases of the same period from anywhere else. why is that? because its fake ass shit, that is so slickly promoted, that it has a lifespan of excactly 2 month. so dont get fooled, dont buy this shit.




Subject: "facking cants"
Date: Feb 18 2005 08:56:12 AM
Author: me

this is a small minority representation of British youth!! also known as CHAV's, SCALLIES, SCUM and a disgrace to british society!! i mean come on whats with the bottle of cheap £1.99 bottle of sparkling wine??? and he's displying it likes its a bottle of Champagne!! and those two nastyass birds next to him are just easy access...i mean all it takes is a glass of cheap wine to get them into bed!! VICE...like alot of other girrls he ain't making me feel horny he's a scrawny white guy who wants should be working at macdonalds or something cuz he ain't got a face for T.V!!!!

p.s. BRITISH girls are HOT!!! with an exception of a few!!



Subject: BirdZ
Date: Feb 15 2005 05:11:07 PM
Author: me

The one on the right's pokeable, I reckon. The bird to her left is her mum.



Subject: wu
Date: Feb 15 2005 03:53:44 PM
Author: fu

those girls are haggard. that dude looks like my paperboy.



Subject: Daaaamn!
Date: Feb 15 2005 01:04:36 PM
Author: M.

Nike shirt. Her name is Dr. Pitstains.



Subject: nerds
Date: Feb 14 2005 05:52:46 PM
Author: johnny

the skinny one has braces and the other one has chins



Subject: dark stainedarm pit
Date: Feb 13 2005 10:36:02 PM
Author: ozix

jesusys like it seven hot in facking england- wasup wiz the stainsssss?



Subject: death of GRIME
Date: Feb 13 2005 02:53:04 PM
Author: whistleblower

So white kids from the 'wrong side of the tracks' are the biggest thing in the uk GRIME scene nowadays, is that what you're saying VICE or Anita crappy or is it just your fucking 'national pride'?:smashed:...



Subject: chavs
Date: Feb 13 2005 02:11:22 AM
Author: boots

fucking hate that skinny chav! CHAV!



Subject: fucking aye.
Date: Feb 12 2005 10:22:09 PM
Author: rooskie

i'm so sick of european people.
especially ones that rap.



Subject: What fuck
Date: Feb 11 2005 09:52:02 PM
Author: Chod

Haven't any English people ever heard of a fucking dentist. Snaggle teeth on the one on the right and you can only see two of her teeth. Like canada has the beaver and Puerto Rico has teen pregnancy, is this their national identity



Subject: nun
Date: Feb 11 2005 09:17:17 PM
Author: i hate hell

Her right armpit hates that Nike t-shirt a lot. I'm totally on the t-shirt's side



Subject: PLAN B ?
Date: Feb 11 2005 05:27:29 PM
Author: 3507321C

THAT KIDS A FUCKIN CUNT !



Subject: plan b wat?
Date: Feb 11 2005 04:48:35 PM
Author: MC5

these kids are brainless



Subject: yawn
Date: Feb 11 2005 01:32:13 PM
Author: chickenfried

Nice self-promotion, Vice. Lady Sovereign and Plan B are on your new grime comp, right?



Subject: jay-sus
Date: Feb 11 2005 12:30:15 PM
Author: evileverywhere

could english girls be any less atractive please? The one on the right is essentially a pale mutant who's mom was obviously hitting the bottle when she was in the oven. I can't believe this is the nan this guy is landing and you say he's gonna make the euro-puss explode. He's the guy you see who's banging all the ugly chicks that you secretly want to thank for taking them out of the pool.



Subject: pits
Date: Feb 10 2005 07:55:46 PM
Author: lotar

that chick's got mean pits!



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